Counselling & Psychotherapy

Addiction Counselling London – Alcohol Addiction Treatment, Internet Addiction Treatment, Dependency – Psychotherapy London
Addictions & Habits

Our Addiction Some of us describe ourselves as an "addict" for anything we do - any activity (from the frivolous to the serious), which may not always be an accurate description & can trivialise what for some people can be distressing. Stuck with a label of "addict", our humaneness can be overlooked. Whether or not we identify with the diagnostic label of "addiction", we may acknowledge we have a problem. It is said we live in an addictive society, that most of us, no matter what our intelligence, wealth, profession or status, have one or two minor "addictions" or addictive behaviours (e.g. coffee, sweet things, electronic gadgets) yet when specific behaviours or addictions become dominant or overused, we can develop an emotional attachment, when they no longer serve a healthy function in our life, taking over as a way of coping, affecting our general wellbeing. We may start to have a problem...

Alcohol Problem

• Binge drinking, alcohol problem, alcoholism, alcohol addiction, being an alcoholic

Internet, Computer & Communication "Addiction"

• Pornography Problem, Porn addiction, Online Sex, Internet Sex & Cybersex Addiction
• Chat Addiction, Online Chatroom Addiction, Internet Chatting Addiction & Internet Dating
• Internet Overuse, Internet Addiction & Computer Addiction
• "Communication addiction" - excessive emailing, texting, messaging, telephone, etc.
• Blog Addiction, Blogging Addiction & Social Networking Addiction
• Addicted To Games - Computer Games Addiction, Online Games Addiction, Video Game Addiction & Gaming Addiction

Other problems or "addictions"

• Comfort Eating, Emotional Eating, Binge Eating, Comfort Food Addiction, Compulsive Eating, Overeating
• Fitness, Gym & Exercise Addiction
• Money Obsession - Addicted To Money, Money Addicts, Making Money Addiction
• Compulsive Shopping, Shopping Addiction & Shopaholism - Shopaholics, Shopping Addicts, Addicted To Buying, Online Auction Addiction
• Gambling Problems, Compulsive Gambling, Online Gambling Addiction
• Overworking, workaholism, work addiction
• Perfectionism
• Religious Activities - Obsession With Religion, Religious Addiction
• Love addiction, serial yet uncommitted relationships
• Codependency

"Deserving Our Reward Or Punishment" What gradually developed into a harmless pattern may have slowly become problematic. To get us going we may turn to our familiar "crutch" or "treat". It can be as if our habit or addiction has now become more our lifestyle, as if that is who we are, and changing this, if that is our choice, may be challenging. We may have begun to prioritise & organise our life around our habit or addiction. Pressurised or experiencing the world as an alienating place, we may want to escape into our own world with our crutch. Some of us may be anxious or depressed and turn to our unhelpful habit or addiction as a reaction. Ironically we may now have become more anxious and depressed. We may do something good and turn to our habit or addiction as a reward, "After all I deserve it". We may do something wrong or feel bad, and turn to our habit or addiction to cheer us up or because we believe we deserve to feel bad. We may even have a mediocre or "normal" day and turn to our habit or addiction because it's simply available or possible - we got through the day & deserve our regular "treat" or "fix" to keep us going. Having difficulty coping with day to day emotions, we can get into the habit of getting a quick fix to relax, overlooking healthier & longer term options – anything to hide our vulnerability and keep things at a distance. Turning to our particular habit or addiction can help us forget problems, or who we are for a while, blanking things out.

Ignoring, Masking Our ProblemDistressed, irritable, restless, anxious, pressurised, empty, guilty or depressed, there may be healthier ways to relieve our stress, release pressure etc. - we may have allowed other sources of satisfaction to be ignored. Our interests, activities & passions may have slowly fallen away, as we allow the false promises of our unwanted habits or addictions to take over, which can give us an illusion of being in control, needing others less. We may turn to our habit or addiction as an easy option to simply close down other difficult aspects of our life, dull our senses, avoid, escape or block our pain - keeping things at a distance, and we may at times begin experiencing some despair. Taking care of our underlying needs (apart from our immediate or insatiable need to fill our void by turning to our habit or addiction) in different ways may be a challenge. We may have a feeling of dread when we are unable to indulge in our favourite habit. Our habit of choice or addiction can be like a familiar anchor – keeping us in one place, yet we can become stuck or stagnant, gradually closing ourself in. We may become convinced we have our prop to fall back on, hoping our problems will go away. Some of us may switch from one compulsive habit to another. In the habit of numbing our unwanted or unbearable feeIings, we may convince ourselves that we can only enjoy things when we turn to our habit of choice. So we turn to our impulsive or compulsive behaviour, temporarily filling our void, to release or alter our mood. We may experience an initial thrill, "rush" or "buzz", temporary "high" & want to "zone out” or cut off. Some of us can watch us doing what we are doing, yet can't stop, we may not even know why we are doing it. Inside we usually know what's enough. Stressed & tired - our circular behaviour continues. As we feel anxious we may learn to repress this by turning to an unwanted habit or addiction. We may have begun to reach, or be at a point of crisis.

From Enjoyable Distraction, Prop To Emerging Problem Indulging in the pleasures in life is important to us, yet when they become excessive, they may adversely affect us developing fulfilling relationships with others, or indeed within our self. What we do with our time & energy may have slowly changed. Gradually other things become secondary. What starts off as a distraction, need for comfort or to feel better (e.g. to take our stress away, temporarily fill our boredom & emptiness or to block out things we don't want to think about) may creep up on us & become a coping strategy, rendering us dependent & trapped. Our habit or addiction can slowly suck us in. What began as something in the background, can now have become something we believe we can't do without. Lost or swallowed up by our pernicious habit or addiction, we may now have a problem we no longer want to ignore. We may have got into a hole, deeper than we realise. Our initial behaviour may gradually or rapidly be turning into a more serious problem. What was once our guilty pleasure, we may have allowed to hook us in. We may have a sense of wasting our life, beginning to feel ashamed. Other important things get sidelined. What started off as a need to take our tension away, calm our nerves or be in a good mood, may mask what we need to face. Slowly, we may become less & less in control of our life, dependent on our habit or addiction for becoming temporarily happy.

Possible Effects On Us Caught in our own cocoon or bubble, we may not even recognise our self at times. We may have forgotten, don't know how to, or be unwilling to regulate what we do. Our (almost default) behaviour may become compulsive or obsessive, as we become preoccupied by thinking about when next we will indulge in our habit or addiction. Our selfesteem diminishes. Inside of us we may hear a concerned voice, which we choose to ignore. We may want to change or stop, believing this at the time, yet struggle to do so. We can become worn out by it all. Along the way we may have relinquished our choice, deciding not to take control or responsibility. We may have become disconnected from our diminishing values. Crossing certain lines, missing or wasting opportunities, we may end up lying to us & others. (See also Increasingly negative consequences below)

Possible Effects On Others Others around us may show their concern (indicating there is a good chance we have a problem), yet we dismiss or ignore this too. We may conceal, minimise or deny the effects of what we are doing. Our behaviour starts to affect not only us but also others, and we may deny or rationalise our problem, twisting logic to suit our behaviour, as the quality of Iife around us deteriorates. All the different sorts of relationships we have, may gradually erode. We can find our way round restrictions that we or others have imposed to try & stop us. Secrets develop. We may minimise the time or money we spend. We may stash things away. We may try to deceive not only others, but even us. If we are in a relationship, our partner may tell us that we care more about our habit or addiction, than we do about them, which puts the relationship under strain. Prioritising our habit or addiction we may have stopped looking after our self (see Neglect below) or others in ways we would really like to. Instead of opening up to others, addressing our problem, we turn to our habit or addiction again.

Having A Partner With An Unhelpful Habit Or Addiction Addiction counselling & psychotherapy can also help men & women in a relationship with someone who has an addictive problem. We may try to help or rescue our partner, loved one, becoming their caretaker, yet this doesn't seem to work.

Gradually Spiralling Downwards What was once normal behaviour, may have developed a pattern (e.g. frequency, more is better), which in the early stages may not be destructive or harmful. However our pattern may have become less flexible over time. Our pattern may have moved on to becoming a habit, that we usually or always do, which has now become difficult to change or stop. Our behaviour may have become more compulsive, that we have to or must do what we do. That if we don't, we may become agitated, distressed or frantic. At this point our relationships may become damaged. And when what we do becomes problematic, slowly damaging to our emotional & physical health, finances, etc, our behaviour may now have become an addiction.

Neglect Alongside our relationship & friends, we may have neglected our responsibilities, obligations or social engagements, even our work or sleep may suffer. Hooked on our habit of choice or addiction we may have neglected our personal care needs, looking after our self, including exercise, our diet, appearance, personal cleanliness, surroundings, passions, interests and general wellbeing.

Triggers There can be a wide range of unacknowledged needs, reasons or "buttons we press" for why we do what we do. We all have our personal triggers:

• Feeling good, bad or indifferent
• As a reward
• As a punishment
• As form of sabotage
• Simply form a habit (learnt behaviour) as something we do
• Response to worry, stress, fear, anxiety
• Low esteem
• To help overcome our inhibitions
• Distraction
• Need for familiar comfort
• Insatiable hunger or longing for something
• Needy or hungry for love
• Past or current deprivation, wounds from our past
• Boredom
• Gnawing sense of dissatisfaction, disappointment, resentment
• Sadness, depression
• Experiencing a "hole in our soul"
• To cheer us up
• Loneliness, emptiness, sense of alienation
• Guilt & shame
• Anger or rage
• Hurt
• Loss or grief
• To change or take away uncomfortable feelings
• To avoid intimacy
• Relationship problems & marriage problems
• Unconscious reactions

What We Did Back Then With Our Pain Deep feelings may not have had the opportunity discussed when younger, which may reverberate now. Since childhood we may have learnt that our pain can be avoided if we pay a price for it. And we continue this in adulthood.

What We Do Now With Our Pain Our unwanted habit or addiction may protect us from, yet at the same time reinforce our sense of inadequacy. We may try to avoid our pain, or deny our painful feelings, by paying a price for the effects of our unwanted habits or addictions. Deep inside we may experience a sadness that palpably aches, which drives us on, yet deceives us. Beating ourself up, self-hatred at times may be our companion and our forgiveness may be in short supply.

Overcoming addiction or an unwanted habit, which has become out of control, may now be our concern. And it is only after we slow down, have a pause, stop, let go & get addiction help, supported by the addiction counselling & psychotherapy, that we can create a space to sit with our feeIings, without running away, and later begin to look at why we do what we do, finding alternatives from turning to our "drug of choice". Counselling & Psychotherapy can help people who are willing to address, with commitment & honesty, preoccupation with their out of control habits, insatiable urges, cravings, addictions, dependency & compulsions, which interfere with their daily life in such a way, that they are overwhelming, excessive or inappropriate.

Addictions Counselling London – Alcohol Addiction Treatment, Alcohol Dependency – Psychotherapy London
Familiar Addiction Experiences

Trying To Stop, Cut Down Or Control Use - The Two Sides Of Us We may have trouble controlling our use, setting limits & boundaries. Some may simply automatically turn to their unhelpful habit - no question. Others may seek justification. We may hear ourself going "No", yet another part of us says "Yes" (finding ways to creep round our "No"), and we do it. It can be as if a switch inside of us turns on. We may have had previous unsuccessful attempts to stop or manage our habit or addiction. Before we know it, we can become hooked. It can be as if there is a tug of war in our head as our thoughts creep in. We can become so close to not doing what we do, that the line is very fine. Yet, as we become preoccupied, thinking, plotting, imagining, planning our rituals & routines, we get aroused again through our emotional triggers. "I need a hit" may be our immediate reaction. We may have an attitude of "I won't do it for long", "Just this once", "Can I get away with it, or slip it in with no one noticing", "I'll start afresh tomorrow" - and on it goes. "Never again" we say, yet, at the back of our mind something stirs within. Scared, we revert back to what we are used to - pursuing our "solution" yet again. In the privacy of our own world, confused or angry, we may vow "No more", and mean it at the time. Deceiving ourselves & others can become soul destroying. We may deny we have a problem, yet in the cold light of the day we know we do. It can be as if there are two sides of us: the addict side with "magical" or distorted thinking with its own set of values, (holding on to believing things contrary to our own values) , and our healthy side, with our different set of personal values. We may sense deep in our gut that something is wrong, that we need to listen, respond to this, and take it seriously.

Our Will Captured By Desire Daydreaming, we can go off to a space, as if we are hypnotised, absorbed in a trance, untouchable. We may have tried half-heartedly to overcome addiction. Our strong will to stop or do anything else may have become captured by our habit or addiction. As our free will diminishes, caught by our desire for more, it can be as if we experience our self no longer of our own volition. Trapped in our own almost automatic behaviour, as we have no choice, deep inside we may know, that what we do won't make us better.

Addiction Cycle We may have tried dealing with addiction or seek treatment for addiction before. Meanwhile the unwanted, unbearable feeIings are still there, and in fact may be getting worse, as we become more disconnected, developing all-or-nothing thinking and our selfworth plummets. Our sense of frustration, loneliness & emptiness deepens, as we turn again to something outside of us to fill it. Wanting something, we believe we have to have it, and fuelled by our rekindled hope, anticipation, we may be temporarily gratified, turning to our habit of choice as a compensation. We may have a temporary pause until the next time, and on it goes.

Increasingly negative consequences may include spending much time (and usually money) preoccupied thinking about our habit of choice, slowly deteriorating physical, mental health, or relationships beginning to suffer. Love, and our treasured values may be eroded, including those of a spiritual nature. Ironically the very feelings we are trying to escape from, e.g. alienation, loneliness, depression, can render us more out of control & the same feelings becoming more painful. Things can get left or get on top of us, we may cut off, finding it hard to speak about what we are going through with others. Disgust, despair, guilt, shame & anger at what we are doing may be familiar reactions, as we struggle to rationalise our behaviour, refusing to believe the effects on us & others. The more we indulge, the more guilty we can become. Turning to our familiar habit or addiction we may say "I've got the guilt now, what do I care, so I might as well do it anyway". It can be as if our behaviour has become harmful or destructive, unmanageable and now has control over us. Our relationships by now may become destroyed.

High-Low Addiction Model It is understandable that we want to induce pleasant feelings. With many of these habits, so called "addictions" & actual addictions, it is no coincidence, that we say we can get a "high", as chemicals, like dopamine are released in the body. We can get an adrenaline rush & temporary emotional release, which can end up being used as away to soothe our pain. It can be as if we are enacting a "pleasure principle" - that in our repeated activities, compelled to seeking pleasure we may end up further away from pleasure, suffering more. We believe the only way to feeI good again is to get another high – and this is followed by a deeper low. As our tolerance increases, we feed our "habit of choice" more and more, to take us out of that deeper low, yet usually become progressively worse, as our craving, urges and insatiable neediness increases. We may have become "attached" to our artificial high & low and struggle to disengage from, fearing disappointment. The following model summarises what we can end up doing to us over time.

Beliefs We May Hold On To When our unwanted habit or addiction becomes a problem, we may tell ourselves, that:

• We don't need others
• Our habit or addiction is more important than people
• We can do what we want, regardless of others
• We are too afraid to face problems
• We don't have to face things we don't want to

What Is Addiction? There are many schools of thought, ideologies as to what is addiction and types of addiction. There are conflicting ideas and no scientific consensus as to what is addiction & dependency. Some professionals have very wide definitions of an addiction, covering many behaviours, and others restrict signs of addiction to narrowly defined criteria, e.g. overuse or the level of social engagement with others. Some professionals acknowledge we can be addicted to either substances or activities. Certain addictions are often called process addictions, like workaholism, religion, sex & romance addiction. Other addictions, like alcohol, are called substance addictions. Others argue there is a third category - emotional addiction, letting an emotion run our life. Some professionals view certain behaviours & compulsions as distinct, either an addiction or compulsive behaviour. Some see the behaviour only as addictive, that we are addicted to a behaviour. Others view the problem as being about impulse control. Some view that the process of mood alteration is the addictive element.

"Addictive Behaviour" Patterns Many professionals would agree that there are certain commonalities, which may include: preoccupation, some loss of control, increase in severity, persistence, feeling powerless, looking for solutions for our problems outside of ourself, avoiding or denying painful feelings, maybe an underlying sense of shame.

Predispositions & Addiction Labels Whether there is such a predisposition as "addictive personality" - having a persistent, lifelong state of being either excited or depressed through childhood conditioning, is another question and beliefs are diverse. Giving people "labels, classifications" can also be unhelpful (we may become typecast, put in a box) because they don't allow us to take personal responsibility, regain control, have hope. Addiction treatments vary.

Searching For Something We may have put all our desires (and need for a high) into our unwanted habit or addiction. Yet empty inside, many of us may be searching for something else, and we may not know how to find this or trust that we can, through any other means. We may also have existential concerns. Counselling & psychotherapy can be alongside you & support you.