Please note that I use the words "anger counselling", "psychotherapy for anger", "psychotherapeutic counselling for anger" & "anger talking therapy" and also "counsellor anger management", "anger management psychotherapist", "psychotherapeutic counsellor for anger" & "talking therapist for anger" interchangeably. I am trained & accredited as a counsellor, psychotherapist & talking therapist and I am happy to discuss their differences with you.
For anger in relationships, marriage or anger between couples also see Relationship Counselling & Marriage Guidance
Introduction Anger is a primary emotion, which prepares us for fight-or-flight – what all male & female animals do when they are in danger or f e e l fear, as chemicals are released into the blood stream. Anger is an alarm system, extra adrenaline is produced, our heart beats faster & blood pressure rises. When angry, men & women see things one-dimensionally. The therapy explores not only how you manage & contain your anger, but also how to express it in controlled & healthy ways, understand its purpose & acknowledge the positive & negative aspects. We may catch ourself by surprise, e.g our road rage. When we are angry we often go on to automatic pilot, thinking one-dimensionally. We may have a short or long fuse – simmering away. Some of us can implode our anger or temper, taking it inside of us, almost bullying o u r s e l v e s (flight) - whereas others explode with rage or aggression, sometimes bullying others (fight).
Anyone can become angry. That is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree,Aristotle
at the right time for the right purpose and in the right way - that is not easy.
Responsibility For Our Anger We can f e e l stuck or identified with our anger, that this is largely what we f e e l & who we are. Taking s e l f-responsibility for our anger & conflicts may be a challenge for some. We may at times struggle to recognise that there is a problem, be aware of our aroused state, accept we can't control things, have difficulty relaxing or reassuring o u r s e l v e s, regress to an almost child state. We can f e e l wounded, or find it hard to cope with underlying difficult or unwanted f e e l i n g s. We may also struggle to contain our own anger, when other people are angry. Some of us may burn bridges at cost to o u r s e l v e s & others. The counselling & psychotherapy can provide a container for anger, fears, pain & hurt to be expressed. We will also look at ways to become more aware of our anger & how to de-escalate our anger. We will look at how to put the handbrakes on, ways to go off on our own & take care of our own f e e l i n g s, rather than dump our anger onto others and calming strategies, so we can be with o u r s e l v e s with our anger. We can initially be certain that our anger is about something someone has said or done, yet on reflection it may point to wounds that have gone right to our core. The therapy will also explore sources of your anger – what's underneath it, what it means & ways to look at the bigger picture. The effect of excessive alcohol, drugs or other unwanted habits or addictions may also be addressed.
Internal Or Indirect Anger Other struggles may be that we turn our anger onto o u r s e l v e s - internalising it. We may also become indirect with our anger - passive aggressive.
Anger In Relationships Some of us may want to find a better way of dealing with anger in relationships, and the therapy can support you in this, so you can take yourself off, take care of your own f e e l i n g s and not put them onto someone else. (See also Conflict)
Childhood Experiences How anger was expressed, or not expressed, in our family of origin can shape how we express our anger as adults. We may for example have learnt to "hold our tongue", struggling with ways of expressing our anger healthily.
Existential Frustrations Our anger may also be of an existential nature – simply being angry at l i f e's limitations & questions.