Counselling & Psychotherapy

Counselling Central London Psychotherapy – Changes, Transitions - Counsellor London Camden Psychotherapist
Changes & Transitions

Change is ever present, unavoidable & is a natural process, like nature's seasons. Change is a fact at times, yet we may struggle with this, maybe experiencing some stress, fear, anxiety or doubt. Nothing stays still. Circumstances nudge us to change. Our thoughts, feeIings, moods, perceptions & bodies transform throughout our Iife. We, and the world, are in a constant flux, which requires us to move & respond. Windows of opportunity present themselves, sometimes briefly. We can sense a wind of change in the air. Sometimes if we don't embrace & flexibly adapt to change, consider changing our strategy, things may become stagnant, we may remain stuck, there can be a cost to our relationships, jobs & creativity. We can sometimes embrace change with small steps, yet at other times change can call upon us to take a leap. How to make tangible changes may be a challenge. It is understandable that some of us fear change, get anxious or procrastinate, waiting for change – even wanting it, but not making it happen. Some of us may fear change, not only because our own internal conflicts, but because we fear conflict with others. Knowing how to change, can be one challenge, and doing it – another. (See also Freeing The Will)

Crisis As An Opportunity Some of us may experience part of our Iife as stagnant and we are ready for change. Others may be in a life crisis or existential crisis. Our resources can get tested as we face new challenges. What is happening (or not happening) can also be viewed as symptoms pointing to a need for change, or adjusting to a new transition. Others may assume that a crisis is negative, because it is painful. However, it may also be a sign that needs paying attention to, an opportunity for change or transformation. (For details see Viewing Issues As Symptoms)

Wind Of Change Sometimes it can be as if a wind of change has blown our way. Sometimes it can be experienced as a storm, needing us to ride it out, or a gentle breeze. These winds of change may test our mental, emotional & spiritual skills, and we can have choice to embrace it, adjust our sails, and set forth. Sometimes our consistency maybe called for, other times - our initiative & spontaneity. On other occasions it may be important not to work on change, but more on stopping stopping, sitting with something, allowing for something else to emerge.

How Change Tests Us Contemplating change, and making it happen, may threaten our sense of safety & security. Yet if we don't change or adapt, we may become stuck or stagnant. Sometimes we can reach a crossroads or turning point. Our attitude to change may be important. Fear of failure or success can prevent us changing. We are creatures of habit & routine, yet some of our routines may be hindering us. So some, usually familiar changes - the ones we tend to anticipate & expect, can be easier to manage, than the unpredictable (see also Not Knowing – Our Need To Be In Control), unexpected or unfamiliar changes - ones we can't plan or anticipate. Change can affect us, testing our deepest sense of who we are - our centre, as we give up what is familiar & plunge into what is unknown. As we let go of old ways of being, redundant thoughts, beliefs, habits, codependency, our rhythm & flow of Iife may be disturbed. When we are in transition, we are often between stages and identities, and we can become disorientated, uncertain or more vulnerable because we are leaving behind the familiar. For some, it may be painful to let go of friendships, which no longer serve or support us. Our flexible healthy boundaries can support us with changes. The effects of change can challenge our resilience, hardiness & confidence. Counselling & psychotherapy acknowledges the role of the unconscious. For example: outwardly we may want to change, yet inwardly something may stop us.

Transitions When our Iife is in transition, memories of previous transitions often occur. Transitions are the time of loss, uncertainty & of letting go. Endings, loss & grief reignite previous ones. The temporariness of situations & of Iife is often realised.

Time For Renewal Life is full of many stages & we learn to adapt & transform through each new phase. The time might be right to renew the way we have been, so we are able to adapt to a new phase or path in life, not always sure where this takes us. This may or may not also point to our existential struggles or re-examining our own meaning, purpose & direction (see Living To Our Full Potential).

The ability to manage & embrace change can be assisted by:

• Being in touch with our intention to change
• Distinguishing between "could" & "should"
• Be clear what it is we want & what needs to change
• Acknowledging that change is inevitable
• Acknowledging that there may be a part of us which doesn't want to change or sabotage change
• Accepting that many things are not predictable
• Managing our anxiety & internal conflicts
• Tolerating uncomfortable feelings
• Acknowledging that change can be good or positive & lead to growth
• Viewing problems & crises also as opportunities
• Being inquisitive & open about change
• Wondering & being curious what the challenge of change might mean for you & what needs to be transformed
• Being willing to move physically, emotionally & psychologically
• Accepting that change sometimes won't be easy or painless
• Acknowledging and embracing sacrifices, challenges & letting go
• Acknowledging our basic abilities to adapt
• Checking that the direction we head in, is getting us where we want to be
• Managing life's confusions, dilemmas, ambiguities, double-binds, paradox
• Having an adaptable, creative way of thinking
• Changing simple routines or habits (can be good training to cope with the unexpected, unfamiliar or uncontrollable)
• Keeping some routine, which can give us a sense of stability & security, is also useful, and provides support for us during unexpected changes
• Finding a balance (centred) between the habits & routines we keep and those we can let go of
• Having tools to face & overcome the challenges of change
• Having a plan
• Acknowledging our limitations & willingness to take risks
• Being with positive, supportive people
• Being able to see a bigger picture
• Accepting what is in our control, and what isn't
• Accepting "what is" & that some things can't be changed
• Being clear about what will not change in us, e.g. our values – knowing what we value
• Knowing what's really important for us in the world & what we appreciate
• Connecting to what matters & our own purpose
• Optimising our health

Transformation The issues & concerns, important though they are, may also be seen as symptoms, carrying emerging messages towards something changing or transforming for us. We may be at an important turning point. Counselling & psychotherapy considers not only our immediate concerns, but also what else might be happening & emerging for us, pointing to our growth. For some, a new stage of Iife & sense of identity may emerge. For others, our transformation may be about living in the permanent tension between being authentic and inauthentic. What we tell ourselves may also be explored.