Counselling & Psychotherapy

Counselling Central London Psychotherapy, Disappointment, Disappointed, Cynic, Cynical, Cynicism, Counsellor London Psychotherapist
Disappointment

Our Expectations All of us have expectations about how we would like things to happen, and we can become disappointed or frustrated when they don't. Anticipating our future discomfort, we may see tasks ahead of us as onerous, dreading them, which becomes so fulfilling. Some of our expectations now, may have been learnt from our family & cultural background (see also Impact Of Our Past). Our confidence & esteem may also shape our expectations. When others don't give approval, affirmation, reassurance, recognition, validation, appreciation, praise, permission or confirmation, this too can render us disappointed. Weighed down by certain expectations, we may struggle to hold them lightly, and the burden of expectation of us and others renders us disappointed. What we anticipate may not come to fruition. We may believe that "we should ..., that others ..." (see also Thoughts & Beliefs). We can become hypercritical, judgemental, punitive & disparaging (of us and others), which may not only lead to disappointment but to regret, anger, even boredom, which compounds our disappointment. Our expectations (even our unconscious ones) may be unrealistic or unreasonable, and when they are unmet, we become disappointed. And disappointed or dissatisfied, some of us believe the world should be the way we see it, and when we get too fixed & rigid in our thinking, we end up being further disappointed, because events around us don't fit our mental picture, disconfirm our expectations or our need for something perfect. Disappointed, we may also struggle with allowing ourselves not to know things or be curious. Some of us can worry so much about getting our expectations met or what we perceive others expect of us, that we become very anxious. We may no longer want to carry the weight of our expectations.

Holding On To Expectations Life has its successes & reverses. Some of us may hold on to expecting things, even though we get disappointed. We may be puzzled why others, or the world, continues to let us down, especially if we are trying so hard to please others or fix things. In our relationships we may expect more than is possible in a person, we may idealise our partner, and be disappointed when they let us down (see Expectations & Disappointments In Relationships). Believing we deserve something, some of us may always want more than we can get. We may want to explore responding to our needs differently or wonder what it might be like to have less expectations and whether this affects our understanding & empathy with people, as we get in touch with cultivating our compassion - not just for a few people, but in a wider sense. Some of us may struggle not to have any expectations or to allow themselves to at least have some hope. We may struggle differentiating between our expectation & entitlement. Others may be in touch with their expectations, which point to their deep longing or yearning.

Effects Of Being Disappointed When negative events, personal hurt, pain, sadness or disappointment takes hold of us, we can find it hard to pick us up again. Some of us may be devastated, depressed. The therapy can support you in rising after a fall. Our vitality may weaken as we allow our disappointment to become bigger than us. Disappointed, we may believe we are always missing out on things, or that others are responsible for our needs. We may turn to unhelpful habits or addictions. Our disappointment can be compounded by spending our time asserting that we are right, that everyone else is wrong, or by believing that we are always wrong. Staying disappointed may also affect our ability to make decisions, act in the world, and be creative. At times we may feel like a victim. If we are let down it may be devastating for us. Acknowledging our sufferings & disappointments, the counselling & psychotherapy can help us compassionately let in our disappointment & loss and let go of unhelpful ways in which these disappointments inhibit our full potential. It can be as if we only have one template for responding to disappointment. We may have a need to find other ways to manage or let go of our disappointment. Some of our discontentment may point to a sense of aloneness, loneliness or alienation. In an uncertain world we may believe we can control outcomes & know what is going to happen. Having an attitude of preferring something to happen, even though something else has happened, may reduce our disappointment. Choosing to be open, in touch with our courage & enthusiasm may be a further challenge.

Disappointment, Cynicism, Sarcasm are understandable responses to certain experiences, yet it is not who we are. Disappointment, however intense, is only an experience. At least if we are disappointed, we care. Demoralised, we can get stuck in our disappointment ("I don't deserve this"), dissatisfaction, despondency or disillusionment or ultimate cynicism. We may be unable to respond differently, flourish & be flexible & resilient. We may also become disappointed about being disappointed, stuck in our pain as our spirit drains. Unfulfilled, some of the wounds we carry may be very old. Our disappointment may also mask our envy or jealousy, especially if we compare us to others - usually unfavourably. Behind our cynicism we may be experiencing a covert form of depression. We may devalue who we (or others) are, as if we or others are unacceptable and we may metaphorically beat ourselves or other up. Not being the author of our own life may also trigger our disappointment. Our cynical heart may have become closed, as we become disheartened, aloof or hard to reach. We may use cynical put-downs or sarcasm to hide our disappointment. Used to complaining or being cynical, we may struggle to appreciate things, forget the pleasures & surprises, however small. Our sarcasm may have a distancing effect on us & others and we may want to look at other productive ways of communicating, rather than being sarcastic. Some may have achieved what they have wanted to achieve and wonder "what now?"

Life Meaning Our disappointment, despondency or disillusionment may point to something not quite right - life's limitations, our grief (including letting go of disappointment, forgiveness), existential concerns or seeking deeper meaning (for details see Living To Our Full Potential). Disappointment often can't be "cured", nor may life's mundaneness, and our challenge may be finding ways to be with this. Listening to what disappoints you, what you do with it and how else you might want to respond to it can be included in counselling & psychotherapy.