Counselling & Psychotherapy

Counselling Central London Psychotherapy – Identity - Counsellor London Camden Psychotherapist
Identity

Some of the greatest battles will be fought within the silent chambers of your own soul Ezra Taft Benson

Our Sense Of Who We Are is shaped by our background, history & heritage, our culture & race, our sexuality, spirituality or religion, our family & their expectations, work identity and also our life experiences. Where we are from & adjusting to living in London can bring us right up against personal identity issues. Being separate & different or what it means to be a man or woman may present challenges to us. These and other factors shape who we are, and we may want to explore our personal identity "template". We may have an identity to do with our work, as a partner or parent, yet this may not be enough to define all of who we are.

Living In London Where we are from & adjusting to living in London can bring us right up against personal identity issues – how & where we belong. It can be as if we are a tourist in our native country, yet feel a foreigner, outsider or different living in London, experiencing inner loneliness or alienation.

Identity Crisis We may have an old template for how we are to be in the world, which no longer works. We may question our current sense of identity. Our old roles may no longer help us, or we may no longer value them (e.g. we may identify "who we are" as our mistakes or weakness). How we see ourself in the mirror can bring up certain issues. We may be uncomfortable or disappointed with who are or what we've become – trapped on a Iife course of our own making. Some of us may even have some disdain. Some of us may have a sense of shame or betrayal. We may struggle to be in touch with our intrinsic worth, having forgotten who we are, that we matter. For various reasons some of us may be confused or lose a sense of our own true identity, how it sits with us, how we are in the world & our autonomy. A crisis of identity may point to deeper issues, also of an existential nature. Letting go of an aspect of our life may be a challenge. People may experience us very differently to how we experience ourseIves. Counselling & psychotherapy can also explore the various masks we show to the world, and how we are on the inside.

The Different Sides Of Us Some of us may be confused, or struggle with accepting the different sides of us: our dark side, our vulnerable side, our pleasant or unpleasant side, our destructive or creative side, our loving side, etc. Counselling & psychotherapy can help explore these with you, alongside our known (conscious) & unknown (unconscious) sides.

Measures Of Success We may have tied up our sense of identity with our success, the work we do, being the best at something, what we own & how well off we are, how impressive our clothes are, how sexually attractive we or our partner are, how famous we are, the number of friends we have, the amount of approval & attention we get. These outward signs of success may be important, yet empty inside we may have abandoned our seIf, ignored our inner worth or struggle to be compassionate to our partner or indeed us. We may strive for more external gratification, or turn to unhelpful habits or addictions. We may have overlooked how truly happy we are inside, how compassionate we are with us & others. Our own curiosity, values, sense of empathy, warmth, kindness & generosity, contribution to the world & internal identity may have been ignored.

Underlying Questions We may want to develop a stronger sense of who we are. Counselling & psychotherapy can help you explore your identity issues and important questions, such as:

• Who am I, who is this me?
• What is my core seIf, the one that is me, the body & soul of who I am?
• How am I in my body?
• Where am I from?
• How did I get here at this stage of my Iife?
• Where is my Iife going?
• What is worthwhile?
• What is really driving me?
• What gives me meaning in life & what do I value?
• What are my interests, which closely bind me to my identity?
• How do I live in the world with uncertainties?
• What's my place in the world, how & where do I belong?
• How do I accept who I am?
• What role does destiny play in my world?
• How do I relate to a world, that's not just personal to me?

(For more see Living To Our Full Potential)

Our Personal Identity can sometimes be devoted to a shallow, limited, or partial aspect of us, and the bigger picture - all of who we are, can be overlooked. We may be used to "pretending to be me", and now feel like a fraud or impostor, or simply uncomfortable about our way of being in the world. How we are seen by others compared to what we believe about ourseIves may be very different. Superficially we can be OK on the outside, yet inside something may be missing. We may not like or be uncomfortable with the image we show to others being different to the one we are inside. We may believe we are not only deceiving others, but also us. Who we are & how we are may have become confusing. Certain emotions, thoughts or beliefs, behaviours or roles can dominate, as if they are our only identity, e.g.:

• Feelings
  • Fear
  • Anger
  • Depression
  • Disappointment
  • Disillusionment
  • Despondency
  • Desire
  • Need
• Old Thoughts or Rigid Beliefs
  • I should...
  • I'm useless
  • I need to be perfect
  • I'm in charge
  • I'm unworthy
  • How I look defines who I am
• Behaviours or Roles
  • Our template or default role
  • The pleaser
  • "Poor me"
  • The saboteur
  • The striver
  • The dictator
  • The catastrophiser
  • World saviour
  • Turning to unwanted habits or addictions

Counselling & Psychotherapy can help with the integration of all aspects of us, and support you in exploration of your own identity – your own ground, your intrinsic worth, sense of seIf beyond fear. The therapy may also explore how your personal identity can grow, as we become more aware of who we are.