Please note that I use the words "counselling", "psychotherapy", "psychotherapeutic counselling" & "talking therapy" and also "counsellor", "psychotherapist", "psychotherapeutic counsellor" & "talking therapist" interchangeably. I am trained & accredited as a counsellor, psychotherapist & talking therapist and I am happy to discuss their differences with you.
Introduction Some of us can experience loneliness to the depths of our very core, especially when we are grieving an aspect of our life. We may f e e l happy & content, loved & connected in many ways, yet separate or lost inside our loneliness. We may f e e l there is a void in our world, empty or isolated, as if somehow we don't belong. Some of us may turn to unhelpful habits or addictions, which may contribute to our sense of loneliness. Feeling lonely & the need to belong can begin in our early years. Feeling different to others, it can be easy to conclude that we don't belong or never will, and we can create scenarios to prove this in our adulthood. These beliefs can go back years. We can f e e l inertia or closed off to ourself or others around us. How we recreate these painful & isolating f e e l i n g s, and what they mean for you, can be explored in the therapy, alongside what matters to you and what stops you getting where you want to be.
Our Need To Feel Connected To Others We all need to f e e l we belong, connected to others, especially those who we can share our interests, passions, ideas, experiences, values & love with. And as we f e e l less alone in contact with others, we get to know o u r s e l v e s more. Some of us may struggle in reaching out to others or indeed receive from others. We may put up walls of protection. We may also f e e l overly dependent on external factors, to meet our need to belong. We may always want to be in the company of others, have serial relationships, yet struggle to enjoy, or f e e l good, in our own company, or in silence. These issues can be explored in counselling & psychotherapy.
Our Need To Feel Connected To Ourself Some of us may struggle with what to do with our own company, f e e l i n g at a loss when others are not around. This can be explored in the therapy. We may also look at your internal needs to know & care for yourself, so you f e e l you solidly belong in yourself – your separateness & identity, grounded in body & soul. This connection to our own inner being, our body, breath, etc. can support us, so we know & sense we belong to o u r s e l v e s – our sense of presence.
Making Space For Ourself When we have time for o u r s e l v e s, some of us can f e e l anxious. Feelings which are difficult to tolerate can come up when we're on our own, and we can busy o u r s e l v e s with things to do. Yet these f e e l i n g s never quite go away. Sometimes we can f e e l as if we are living in a cocoon, and we don't want to be there. We can f e e l lost, as if we don't belong anywhere. Simply how to be comfortable with o u r s e l v e s & compasionately attend to our own loneliness can be challenging. Some of us can f e e l we belong by making space for o u r s e l v e s, enjoying our own company, s e l f-nurturing, avoiding l i f e's distractions, listening & following what we really need – what supports us to flourish & "find o u r s e l v e s". (See Being & Doing).
The Need To Belong to o u r s e l v e s and be part of something outside of o u r s e l v e s, is a very human need. We may still f e e l empty inside, as if we haven't come to terms with o u r s e l v e s in some way. We may need to f e e l whole - in union with o u r s e l v e s, others & the wider world – S e l f Love. This desire for Love & union may for some include their own spiritual enquiry (see Seeking Deeper Meaning).
All the lonely people"Eleanor Rigby" - The Beatles
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?
Existential Loneliness Feeling lonely may point to existential concerns in l i f e. We may experience deep loneliness or sadness relating to our very existence. We may have an existential need to belong, to be a part of something bigger than o u r s e l v e s. What this something means for each individual can be explored in the therapy.
Psychotherapy & counselling explores what it's like for you to f e e l lonely, what helps & what doesn't help, what you need more of & what you might need to let go of. We may also look at both your external & internal belonging needs, so you f e e l aligned, close to others and indeed yourself.
