Counselling & Psychotherapy

Counselling Central London Psychotherapy – Loneliness, Lonely In London - Counsellor London Camden Psychotherapist
Loneliness

Overcoming Loneliness Some of us can experience loneliness to the depths of our very core, especially when we are grieving an aspect of our life. We may be happy & content, loved & connected in many ways, yet separate or lost inside our loneliness. Feeling lonely, in our inner pain, we may sense there is a void in our world, empty, isolated or desolated, as if somehow we don't belong. Some of us may turn to unhelpful habits or addictions, which may contribute to our sense of loneliness.

Loneliness Now, In Our past, Questioning Our Future Painful rejections from our past may compound our loneliness now, as can struggling to lick our wounds. The experience of loneliness & the need to belong can begin in our early years. Believing we are different to others, it can be easy to conclude that we don't belong or never will, and we can create scenarios to prove this in our adulthood. These beliefs can go back years. People may find it hard to reach us, and even we can find it hard to reach ourselves. We can experience inertia or become closed off inside & to others around us. How we recreate these painful & isolating experiences, and what they mean for you, can be explored in the therapy, alongside what matters to you and what stops you getting where you want to be. We may also be in a double bind, having a fear of being alone, yet wanting to be alone and enjoy our own company. Pointing to your future you may also be questioning "What's my purpose?". Counselling & psychotherapy can support you in overcoming loneliness.

Modern Living Even in London, we may still be lonely, despite all it has to offer. Because of our reliance on technology we may neglect to nurture meaningful relationships & human contact with others. Feeling lonely can creep up on us & we can experience detachment, separation and alienation from other people. We can become anxious that we are on our own without a sense of security. We may also struggle with our motivation & completing things. Empty or lonely inside we may turn to comfort food or other unhelpful habits, addictions.

Pangs of loneliness can visit us at times as if they sit upon us. And as we allow these lonely feelings to blow through us, they blow away again. There is an Gaelic saying "ta uaigneas orm", which translates to "Loneliness is upon us".

Effects Of Being Lonely Some people can report struggles with different levels of contact, e.g.:

• Intimacy
• Conflict or confrontation

Our Need To Be Connected To Others Some of us may overvalue our independence. We all need to belong & connect to others, especially those who we can share our interests, passions, ideas, experiences, values & love with. And as we are less alone in contact with others, having genuine conversations, we get to know more of who we are. Being with others affects us. Some of us may struggle in reaching out to others, receive from others, boost or nurture relationships, expand our social circle. We may put up walls of protection. We may also become overly dependent on external factors, to meet our need to belong. It is well known that we can be surrounded by people, yet still be lonely. We may always want to be in the company of others, have serial relationships, yet struggle to enjoy, or feeI good, in our own company, or in silence. Being in touch with our own worth & the worth of others may be challenging for some. These issues can be included in counselling & psychotherapy.

Our Need To Be Connected To Our Self Getting to know, liking & being intimate with the person we are, enjoying our own solitude and engaging in our favourite or new activities alone is different to being lonely (see also Being & Doing). At some level, if we abandon or stop caring for ourselves, we may inside become lonely. We can do this by comparing us with others, ignoring or discounting our feelings, maybe making others responsible to accept or approve of us. We may also have some unhelpful beliefs about happiness. And as we accept who we are, we may be in contact with our belonging needs (see The Need To Belong below). Some of us may struggle with what to do with our own company, being at a loss when others are not around. We may have a sense of alienation. At its deepest level we can experience our loneliness as if we have a hole in our soul. We can reflect upon this in the therapy alongside the role we have in our own loneliness. The therapy can support you in staying connected and being true to who you are.

Counselling Central London Psychotherapy – Lonely In London, Loneliness - Counsellor London Camden Psychotherapist
Loneliness & Re-Connecting To Our Body

Our Body's Interconnectedness To Our Thoughts, Emotions, Etc Some of us may not only feel disconnected, isolated in parts of their lives, but also isolated, disconnected, out of touch with our body. When plants & trees are put under stress, they show physical signs. Our bodies too show symptoms of stress, etc. Sometimes, often through fear, we can hold on too tightly to things (memories, failures & successes), finding it hard to relax. By holding on, our body can manifest symptoms. It is as if our anger, trauma, fear, anxiety, depression, grief, sadness & sorrow, or heartbreak, can get stuck in our body, and our pain can cause us physical & emotional reactions. Some of us view our body, emotions & mind, as separate entities, yet they are intrinsically linked. So when we let go of tension in one area, it affects the tension in other areas. In the therapy you may be encouraged to pay attention to your thoughts & emotions, alongside your physical feeIings - what's happening in your body. Psychotherapy & counselling therefore supports you in any pain or tension you are willing to release & let go of physically, mentally & emotionally. (See Releasing Ourselves & Letting Go)

Re-Connecting To Who We Are & Being Grounded In Our Body When younger we may have given our space away, our own ground, and want to reclaim it - what is ours. Being grounded, feeling intact in who we are can support us, so we are not easily overwhelmed & when we want to observe our self in the world. It may be important for you to explore your own needs - to know & care for yourself, so you solidly belong in yourself, in your own structure, centred, anchored & grounded in who you are with your own reference points. It may be important to be in touch with your own separateness, difference & identity - being the man or woman you want to be, taking ownership & responsibility for your self, feet on the ground, connected, grounded in body & soul. This connection to our own inner being, our body, breath, etc. can support us, so we know & sense we belong inside our own skin (our boundaries) & out in the world – our sense of physical vitality - being alive in the world & presence. "I am still here - no matter what is happening." The experience of being present - living in the moment, and where you put your attention, may be important to you, being in the world as you are able to take your own stand, being grounded, connected to your own values & responsible for what you make of your own experiences, taking ownership of who you are, free to walk your own path in your own authority. And the steps we make on the walk - our walk - are the expression of our personal will in action.(See also Personal Freedom)

Counselling Central London Psychotherapy – Lonely, Loneliness In London - Counsellor London Camden Psychotherapist
Belonging

Making Space For Our SeIf When we have time for us, some of us can get anxious. FeeIings which are hard to tolerate can come up when we're on our own, and we can make us busy with things to do. Yet they never quite go away. Sometimes it is as if we are in a cocoon, and we don't want to be there, yet need to be safe. We can become lost, as if we don't belong anywhere. Simply how to be comfortable with who we are & compassionately attend to our own loneliness can be challenging. Some of us can have a stronger sense that we belong by making space for us, enjoying our own company, selfnurturing, avoiding unhelpful distractions, listening & following what we really need – what enriches, supports us to flourish & "find ourself". (See Being & Doing).

The Need To Belong and be part of something outside of us, is a very human need. We may still sense emptiness inside, as if we haven't come to terms with who we are in some way. This sense of emptiness can be experienced like there is no air left inside us, and can arrive out of the blue. We may need to feeI whole, connected - in union with ourseIves, others & the wider world – SeIf Love. This desire for contentment, Love & union with others, the wider world, may for some include their own spiritual enquiry (see Seeking Deeper Meaning).

Existential Loneliness Feeling lonely, separate, alienated or disconnected may point to existential concerns. We may experience deep loneliness or sadness relating to our very existence - that we are. We may have an existential need to belong, to be a part of something bigger than just us. What this something means for each individual can be shared in the therapy. We may long or yearn for something which is difficult to describe.

Loneliness & Being Alone Psychotherapy & counselling attempts to find out what it's like for you to feel lonely, what helps & what doesn't help, what you need more of & what you might need to let go of. Instead of always having to be busy, you may want to address your capacity to be OK with being alone (and your relationship to solitude) or with others, so you no longer abandon yourself, or define all of who you are through your loneliness. We may look at moving from a void to a space – your space. We may also look at both your external & internal belonging needs, so you are more aligned, close to others and indeed yourself. The counselling & psychotherapy may also review how you can be comfortable in your own company without being lonely, or be less burdened by certain experiences, e.g. depression, envy & jealousy.