Please note that I use the words "London counselling for men, fathers, fatherhood", "male psychotherapy London", "male therapy London", "male therapist London", "male counselling London", "counselling men", "psychotherapy men", "therapy men", "abortion counselling for men", "psychotherapy for men", "men's psychotherapeutic counselling" & "male therapist", "male counsellor", "male psychotherapist", "men's talking therapy" and also "London counsellor for men", "London psychotherapist for men", "men's psychotherapeutic counsellor" & "men's talking therapist" interchangeably. I am trained & accredited as a male counsellor, male psychotherapist & talking therapist for males, dads, fathers and I am happy to discuss with you how to be a father, how to be a dad.
Male Counselling, Male Psychotherapy, Male Therapy, Counselling Men, Psychotherapy Men, Therapy Men, Father – Central London
Counselling For Men
Male Behaviour Patterns
- Men often use aggression when hurt
- Approx 75% of suicides are male
- Some men struggle to reflect more before acting
- Many men find it hard to relate, communicate & engage with other men
- Some men struggle how to fully engage in the world as men, partners or fathers
- Some men struggle how to be naturally sexual & healthily aggressive
- Some men find it hard to be in touch with their needs or express them
- Some men can have a passion for ideas & inanimate things, and may struggle with opening up or being intimate with people
- Some men only see intimacy - vulnerability or tenderness as a weakness, yet rarely as strength
- Many men report a sort of "archetypal restlessness, grief, loneliness or anger"
Men's Issues
We learn about masculinity from what other men do and how they are. Being a man presents its own challenges or conflicts:
- How to defend ourself without being defended, stand firm as a man, be flexible without being rigid
- Not being the man we want to be
- Stress
- When to keep things inside or bury them, and when not to
- The notion of weakness & strength
- Being strong in our own authority as a man
- The different ways of being a man
- What it means to be "man enough" & our identity as a man
- What it means to be a man & be with our grief, pain, anger, power, joy & love
- Keeping people out - denying our needs or being so self-reliant, we can't let others in
- Losing our sense of power in relationships with women or other men
- Feeling like a man at work, yet not at home
- The differences & similarities between men & women
- Balancing our logical side – being in our head - without being withdrawn, unreachable & also connected to our heart & our emotions (see also Emotional Self-Awareness)
- The struggle of being autonomous, yet part of the couple
- Discomfort, ambivalence in the relationship or marriage
- Struggling with how much to fix things or how much to listen in relationships
- Sexual difficulties
- Pregnancy termination or abortion counselling for men
- Fatherhood – being a father, dad (see Becoming A Father below)
- Being in touch with our needs, getting them met & how responsibility sits with us without burying our head in sand
- What drives us, being in touch with our passion, having fire in our belly
- Balancing competitiveness & cooperation
- The impact of our relationship with our father
- Unwanted habits & addictions
- Frustrations, worries, confusions
- Questioning love
- Deep sadness, depression
- Stuck in our regrets
- Inner Loneliness, Alienation
- Existential grief
- How to acknowledge, respect or express our emotions, without being ruled by them
- What to do with difficult feelings
- Guilt & shame
- Male midlife crisis & existential concerns
- Nostalgia about the past, maybe stirring deep love, regrets, memories - understanding it, making meaning of it
- Something missing, yet can't put our finger on it
- Other men's issues …
Relating, Communicating, Interacting Some men don't find it easy to relate or communicate with other men or women. We may put up a barrier (e.g. hiding behind technology), or always feel compelled to convey we are more confident than we are. For some the pressure to be perceived as always capable can be too much. We may have moods, yet not know why. We may struggle with small talk, the nuances of communication or how to let people in. We may find it difficult to relax as we interact. Some of us may be stuck in our head, cut off, finding it hard to open up or be comfortable in our own skin or body.
Male Therapist You may be seeking a male psychotherapist, or specific relationship counselling or marriage counselling for men. You may have very specific men's problems or concerns:
- Consumed by something at the cost of other important areas of our life
- Competent in some areas, e.g. professional life, yet struggle in our personal life, e.g. relationships, emotions
- A need to belong, yet feel separate
- Communication, conflict & empathy in the relationship or marriage, e.g. when others find it difficult to reach us, or we them
- Closing off, shutting down, bottling things up, disengaging or becoming desensitised
- Esteem & pride, sense of worth
- Tough on the outside, yet not inside
- Our identity as a man, measures of success
- Stress, fear, anxiety
- Being "in the moment"
- Abuse
- Bullying
- Hurt or pain
- Pornography problem
- Guilt & shame
- Disappointment
- Impact of our past
- Living to our full potential
Becoming A Father Being a father, especially for the first time, can bring up a lot of powerful responses. Not only can being a father be so rewarding, it can also be a lonely & confusing time. The birth of our child, an what this means, can bring strong reactions & emotions in some men. When we first hear the news of the pregnancy, we may feel proud, happy, burdened, overwhelmed, or experience contradictory emotions. Having a child can be a proud, joyful & fulfilling experience for some men, who never look back. Yet other men may struggle, be challenged with their new role & responsibility as a father, and what this means to them now as a man, partner, husband. And how to be a dad or a father may be a concern. How do we find the "father in us" may be a challenge. We may have always wanted to be a father, never wanted to be a father, or hold ambivalent feelings about being a father, towards our child or partner. Thoughts about lost freedom & how to embrace our new responsibility may swirl around.
Adjusting To Our Role As A Father Our partner may have been used to carrying the baby for 9 months and may have already formed a bond or attachment, and it may take us a period of adjustment towards adapting to becoming a father, bonding with our child and this new arrangement. We may see the mother of our new child being intimate with them, having little time to be intimate with us. Despite our age or maturity some of us may feel pushed out, struggling to cope and adjust with our new role as a father. Being sexual again as a couple may have been put on the back burner. Our partner may have changed and we may struggle to adapt & adjust to these new circumstances and our new role & responsibilities as a father. We may feel under pressure, very confused, alone or isolated. We may have powerful, complex, contradictory, unexpected feelings, thoughts & reactions as a man & father, and these can be aired in the counselling & psychotherapy. The therapy can also be a space to talk about fatherhood, what it means to be a father, our relationship with our own father, if we wish. Some of us may grieve what was with our partner or life, is no longer. In this new phase of our relationship or marriage we may struggle to embrace and adapt to the changes in our relationship or marriage. Viewing & valuing our partner both as a sexual woman & as a mother and how we respond to a sex life, which may be different, may be a concern. Exploring what this transition means for you, counselling & psychotherapy can support you in this new phase of your life, relationship or marriage.
The chief lesson I have learnt in a long life is that the only way to make a man trustworthy is to trust him;Henry L. Stimson
and the surest way to make him untrustworthy is to distrust him and show your distrust.
Psychotherapy Men I am an experienced male psychotherapist, working with men & a range of mens issues you bring. The counselling & psychotherapy can offer an opportunity to ruminate over what concerns you.
A boy needs a father; in order to love himself as a man, he needs the love of a man.John Bradshaw
