Counselling & Psychotherapy

Counselling London Psychotherapy – Central London Counselling Services - Perfectionism - Counsellor London Camden Psychotherapist
Perfectionism

Dedicating our resources is often essential if we are to achieve something important, yet if we are so fixed, or attached to an outcome, our dedication can be at the expense of other aspects of our Iife, as if our very identity – our selfimage is to be perfect. Doing things to excess, we may constantly believe we have to prove something, that our own identity is shaped by these high expectations. In our search for perfection we may want others to be envious & jealous of us. Seeking perfection, or paying attention to detail at certain times can be rewarding – something to be proud of, yet some of us may struggle to know, and accept, when things don't have to be perfect or so detailed. "If you cannot do it right, then don't bother" – is often an admirable way, yet at times this can work against us. Our need to be perfect, or for a perfect world, may also reflect a deeper search or longing. This can be explored in psychotherapy. We may also be intolerant of weaknesses in others, and indeed ourseIves. Our tireless search for perfection, or the perfect person (forever comparing our partner unfavourably with others), can render us being inwardly unhappy, disappointed & often anxious. We may keep obsessively checking things, and get exhausted in the process. As parents we may try to be perfect to our children, yet in our humanness inevitably fall short of this

Some of us seek a perfect relationship, but never quite find it, as if we are searching for an ideal love, and longed for connection with someone, impossible for a human being to offer. (For details see Expectations & Disappointments)

Counselling & Psychotherapy can help us explore ways we are less burdened by our needs & idea of perfection, by being in touch with our own nature & limits.

Counselling London Psychotherapy - Central London Counselling Services - Counsellor London Camden Psychotherapist
Being Over-Demanding Of Ourselves

A first-rate soup is more creative than a second-rate painting. Abraham Maslow

Some of us may be over-demanding, pushing or punishing ourseIf harder than we need to, never satisfied with our achievements. Meticulous, we can be our own harsh taskmaster. Trying very hard, we can wonder at times "for what?", which for some can lead to existential questions. Our well intentioned goals, can end up being selfimposed, punishing, unachievable demands to be reached at all costs. Striving & driven we can overlook the driver - our very seIf. Some of us can put all our energies into our work (see Work-Life Integration). Pressurising ourself, trying to impress, we can be so goal oriented, that the full richness of our humanity and quality of our relationships with others can be ignored. Those of us who are over-demanding of ourseIves also tend to be of others. We may have been taught that suffering is a virtue and that joy is wrong or selfish. Counselling and psychotherapy can explore those forces inside of us, that we must over-achieve or achieve at all cost.

Counselling Central London Psychotherapy - Counsellor London Camden Psychotherapist
Mistakes

Fear of making mistakes, getting things wrong, failure or not knowing can inhibit us. We can give ourself a hard time when we make mistakes, try to be perfect, or expect others to be. We can be understanding & forgiving of children when they naturally make mistakes, but less so about our fallible selves or others (somehow believing that as adults we shouldn't make mistakes, or be forgiving of them).

Admitting to our mistakes is not easy. Running away from them, or covering them up, can be our reaction. We can feel demoralised, sad, remorseful, guilty, ashamed, bad or "found out". We can lose our integrity. Being openhearted to any harm we caused to us or other can be a struggle. A challenge here can be to take responsibility for ourseIves, learn & grow from the experience, to be emotionally freer as we trust us & others also trust & respect us.

It can be familiar to us to fear failure, yet like a flipside of a coin, in these apparent opposites we may also fear succeeding. Counselling & psychotherapy can explore these issues with you.

Mistakes are the portals of discovery. James Joyce

Counselling Central London Psychotherapy - Counsellor London Camden Psychotherapist
Getting It Right

We can spend much of our time trying to get or make everything right, or understand everything. Getting off this hook or letting go of this need can be releasing.

Counselling London Psychotherapy - Central London Counselling Services - Counsellor London Camden Psychotherapist
Uncertainty

In an uncertain, unpredictable world some of us can struggle living with uncertainties, Iife's mess, mysteries & transitions. What we thought was certain is no longer. Some of us can't bear uncertainty, and counselling & psychotherapy can explore this with you. We can be afraid or freeze, yet uncertainty can also be a springboard for us. We can also be moved to thinking deeply about us - what our true values & principles are, why we are here & what we really want to do with our Iife. Counselling & psychotherapy can explore with you how any difficult feeIings can be managed, and also what opportunities may be arising.

In an infinite universe we know precisely nothing. Douglas Adams

Central London Counselling Psychotherapy - Counsellor Psychotherapist Camden
Not Knowing – Our Need To Be In Control

There are more questions than answers, and the more I find out the less I know. Johnny Nash

The need to be in full control maybe a factor for some. Life isn't predictable, full of the unfamiliar, unexpected & uncontrollable. People are different. We may desire absolutes - what's right or wrong. We may also be challenged by accepting what is in our control & what isn’t. Some of us may need to control things, because inside there is a part of us that feels out of control, which we cannot bear. Frustrated, we may struggle to accept the things we cannot control, which are out of our hands. Some of us may also have control issues in our relationship or marriage.

Some of us can be stuck in our heads, forever trying to work things out. We may have de-valued or neglected our body, our feeIings, sexuality and the heart & soul of who we are – all from our head downwards. Although questioning in Iife is important, we can be overly dependent on knowing & categorising everything to make us safe. Yet nature teaches us much about suffering, chaos & uncertainty, and some of us want to deny this natural process. We may want to believe we should know the right & only answers for everything, that nothing should be a mystery. We may struggle to live with what is unresolved, irresolvable, insoluble & the ever-changing ethical & emotional dilemmas we face. We may want to be more relaxed, allowing ourseIves not to know or control everything. Psychotherapy can help us with managing our confusions, frustrations & anxiety, so we can tolerate and live with the unknown, unknowable & the unexpected. Enjoying our curiosity we may discover more about us, our values & the world. (See also Suffering & Love)

We do the best we can with what we know, and when we know better, we do better. Maya Angelou

Central London Counselling Psychotherapy - Counsellor Psychotherapist Camden
Summary

Fear-driven some of us can get anxious if don't have all the answers or can't always get it right or be perfect. If we can't bear not knowing, are fearful of making mistakes, over-demanding or try to be a perfectionist it can be tiring (not just to us) & a lot to live up to. Other areas of our Iife may be neglected. We may also expect others to live up to our own high standards. There may be a part of us that is never satisfied. Avoiding difficult feeIings maybe at the heart of our behaviour, and some of us may turn to unwanted habits or addictions. The counselling & psychotherapy can help us in these areas.

The ones that don't know, holding the complexities, are the wise leaders of tomorrow. Unknown