Counselling & Psychotherapy

Relationship Counselling, Marriage Counselling, Relationship Problems, Marriage Problems, Central London, Camden
Relationship Counselling & Marriage Counselling

Introduction To Marriage & Relationship Counselling

Dilemmas In The Relationship Or Marriage For all men & women, every relationship or marriage has its pressures, ups & downs, and middle ground. Some periods are just better than others. You may want to work out what's happening in your current relationship, or find your way through a difficult time. Being an individual & together as a couple, creating quality time presents its own problems, human struggles, "bad patches", temptations, challenges & resilience - so does living apart. Some of us may be concerned that our relationship might, or has, broken down. You may feel emotionally drained or confused by a certain issue, which doesn't go away. Sustaining & nurturing our relationship may be a problem for some. Inside we may be lonely. We may feel unmet by our partner. There may be a mismatch between you & your partner about each other's expectations of the relationship or marriage. Each may have a different pace. Relationship problems or marriage problems can seem insurmountable. A gap between you both may have opened up and you may want to find a way to make it bridgeable. Rejection, hurt or betrayal may play a role. We may have powerful reactions if at times we feeI unloved, abandoned, unseen & unsupported. The person we love can at times be the person we can't bear being with. Often two people are at different places in their life journey, and you may tend to look to your partner to resolve your own issues or problems.

Struggles In The Relationship Or Marriage In other areas of our Iife we can be competent, yet in our relationship our best & worst aspects can come out. It may be difficult to reach each other. We may be reasonably rational, yet our relationship may be emotionally difficult, stale or stormy. Dialogue may have broken down. Being in the relationship can bring out sides of us even we didn't know we had. One of us may have become distancing. (See also Influence Of Our Past On Our Relationship Or Marriage).

Challenges In The Relationship Or Marriage Not only do we change, but also our relationship inevitably transforms and some of us can be troubled by a specific relationship problem. We may have begun to take each other for granted, complacency may have set in. One of us may not want to grow up or struggle to adapt. We may be lost in the relationship or torn apart by something. Somehow giving our power away, we may have a lost sense of who we are in the relationship, or where the relationship is going. What we do in adversity - how we respond, may be our challenge.

Issues Or Problems In The Relationship Or Marriage We may have a relationship problem or troubled marriage for many reasons: taking on extra responsibilities, a changed relationship with our partner or struggling with a particular phase of the relationship or marriage. The relationship or marriage may have become stale. The spark may have gone. We may have lost or forgotten what binds us as a couple, and as the romance disappears, we may struggle to rekindle what was once. Sexual attraction or sexual problems may be a concern. Differing libidos can be a challenge. How much to give or take in the relationship or marriage maybe a question we have. One of us may find it hard to give or receive love. We, or our partner, may become distant or have problems opening up. Some of us may frequently test our partner to see what they can take. Things may have become intense. Relationship & marriage counselling & psychotherapy can support you in your struggles or problems, and can help find out what may be manifesting at a deeper level.

Looking For Problems In The Relationship Or Marriage Our current or previous relationships may never be quite right - there is always something, as we could be never satisfied. We may have a tendency to look for problems or picking holes, which can be quite tiring for us and our partner. We may also get into the habit of sabotaging things in the relationship or marriage, even if they are going well. Wanting to relax into the relationship may be a need for some.

Disappointment In The Relationship Or Marriage What seemed the perfect relationship, may have slowly evolved to become challenging. The person we once idealised, or our dreams for the relationship, may have fallen short. What started off as endearing (e.g. our partner's traits or habits) can end up as a problem. We may have believed that as long as two people love each other, everything will be fine, yet problems emerge. We can view the relationship as if it is something outside of us, entirely separate. We or our partner may have let ourselves go. The relationship or marriage may have entered into a new phase, in which we are finding it hard to navigate through. Getting to know each other again & differently may be a consideration. The therapy can help you with these struggles in your relationship or marriage. This may involve getting to know & revisiting your expectations & disappointments.

Additional Stresses & Strains In The Relationship Or Marriage A range of experiences can add stress & strain to our relationship or marriage. These may include the impact of:

• An affair
• Health concerns
• Unhelpful habits or addictions
• Work stresses, including redundancy & retirement
• Sexual abuse
• Dilemmas of whether to start a family, pregnancy, having children, parenting, pregnancy termination
• Tiredness, exhaustion affecting our relationship or marriage
• Family crisis or problems
• Step-family relationships

Stepping Back, Reflecting Upon Our Relationship Or Marriage Although our relationship may be in trouble, we may be considering ending it. yet also wonder if the same issues & patterns will reoccur in a future relationship or marriage. Exploration of the patterns or themes in our relationship, and how you relate as a couple may be a need for some. You may want to learn about the role you personally play in order to change the things you want to change. Usually there are various reasons why relationships get into difficulties, and there is rarely only one answer to problems. If only we could solve our problem with an easy formula. Relationships are both complex & simple in our need to love & be loved. It can seem impossible at times to believe that the problem or turmoil in our relationship or marriage can be overcome, that the relationship can get back on track. Throughout the relationship or marriage a lot of water may have flown under the bridge & you may be questioning if the relationship can be recovered. In the relationship or marriage we may have forsaken a lot of who we are. We may have thwarted our male or female energy, including our libido. As a man or a woman it is important not to give up hope for a fulfilling, healthy & intimate relationship. Nurturing the relationship & continuing to learn about our partner can be important. Developing different skills, and finding our own way to break through any impasse can be possible. The way we are now may also date back to earlier experiences. Our past can creep into our adult life and we may be holding on to past hurts or wounds (see also Hurt & Pain In Relationships). The relationship or marriage may be in crisis, which can be a real worry, yet it may also point to something needing attention. Counselling & psychotherapy can help you reflect on what might be happening for you, looking at your life as a whole, and what it means.

Contemplating Ending The Relationship Or Marriage On The Rocks Some of us may be clinging on to the relationship or marriage. For others things may have reached a point that it can seem as if the relationship is drifting apart. On or both of you maybe stuck & the relationship may not be thriving. Questioning if the two of you are right for each other, you may have ambivalent feelings, disappointments, doubts about the relationship. You may be questioning if your partner is the one for you. You may be worried that the relationship is over, or think of ending the relationship or marriage, yet at the same time question if you are running away from things. Part of us may want to make the relationship or marriage work, yet another part of us is contemplating ending it. You may want to come to counselling simply to build a healthier relationship, or to consider its ending. It may be important for you to maintain a sense of self, and think clearly whether in the relationship or after it has ended.

After The Relationship Or Marriage Has Ended

We may believe that if our partner leaves us, or we leave them, we won't manage, or never make it. Going through with ending the relationship or marriage can be daunting. Or your relationship or marriage may have just ended. The ache of separation can be hard to bear and getting over the relationship or marriage takes time. It is understandable we may be raw, hurt, in pain, shocked, angry, confused, stuck, lonely or maybe relieved. Adjusting to our new circumstances can be a challenge. Counselling & Psychotherapy can support you in this difficult period of transition & transformation. You may also want to use the counselling as a way of learning about you & your role in relationships, in order to move forward. (See Towards Separation, Divorce & Beyond)

What To Expect From Relationship Counselling

Couple's counselling for individuals (not couples) is available for people who want to explore in depth some of the following:

• Where you stand now, your needs & how flexible you are
• Nature of your problems in the relationship
• The role you play in any relationship problems
• How problems have arisen & what gets in the way of change
• Your hopes, beliefs, attitudes & expectations for the relationship
• Identifying & managing your personal problems
• All aspects of you & your role in the couple
• Your own resources & your resources as a couple
• Your patterns in the dynamics of relationship
• Your role in making the relationship a success
• Your disappointments & moving on from them
• How sabotage happens
• Control issues
• How to be an individual, yet part of the couple
• Your opinions & how you behave
• How you can argue less about who is right or wrong
• How communication happens in the relationship, your communication skills & learning to listen
• How to translate any worries & perceptions for your partner
• Negotiating for good outcomes
• Ways to open up communication & work towards resolution
• How willing you are to engage
• Distinguishing between what you need & what you want
• The role of vulnerability or tenderness
• How powerful feeIings like hurt, anger & fear play out
• How different men & women are (if applicable)
• How you can change yourself & the relationship
• Any effects of changes in you on your partner
• The future potential of your relationship
• Any unhealthy diversions, impulses, compulsions & addictions
• Any underlying problems & your early experiences
• Matrimonial problems, failing marriage, marriage problems
• Considerations of ending the relationship & looking at other options

If you have decided to end your marriage or relationship, counselling can help with:

• The consequences of ending your relationship
• Going through the painful process of overcoming emotional problems
• Making sense of changes & losses
• Starting anew, developing confidence to rebuild your Iife
• Exploring what else might be emerging or transforming

What NOT To Expect From Relationship Counselling

Relationship counselling does NOT offer marriage advice or relationship advice on:

• Whether the relationship should end or not
• Damaging criticism of your opinions & actions
• If you should have a "trial separation"
• The "rights" and "wrongs" of your partner
• Changing your partner
• Marriage tips