Counselling & Psychotherapy

Relationship Counselling, Marriage Counselling, Relationship Problems, Marriage Problems, Central London, Camden
Relationship Problems & Marriage Problems

Problems In The Relationship Or Marriage

At some point in our relationship or marriage there may be some problems. How we choose to overcome or resolve them is up to us. Solving problems early can often be beneficial. Sometimes we can believe the problem is about something specific, yet there can be underlying problems at the root, which may be hard to articulate, especially if we feel afraid, ashamed or our pride gets in the way. It can help some people to see marriage problems or relationship problems as challenges, and respond in ways that will meet these challenges.

Preoccupation In The Relationship Or Marriage

Some of us may be preoccupied with making our current problems bigger than they are. And just because there is a problem, it doesn't mean the relationship or marriage is over. Many couples grow as a result of overcoming problems. We may be so preoccupied with past hurts or future scenarios, like being settled or having children, that they overlook nurturing & building the relationship as it currently is. How, when & what we say can also influence the outcome. (See also Empathy & Dialogue In The Relationship Or Marriage)

Apathy In The Relationship Or Marriage

We may find that over time we may have become apathetic, not only about our relationship or marriage, but our life in general. Our self-respect or respect for our partner may have dwindled. Mired in inaction we may be unhappy, unfulfilled or developed unhealthy habits or addictions. Our grievances may have long since been aired or gone unheard. We may have given up trying to rekindle the flame of our relationship or marriage.

Neglect In The Relationship Or Marriage

We may not only have neglected our partner (not taking any responsibilities, obligations, etc.), taking them for granted, but also stopped caring, neglecting ourseIves. We may have become sloppy. This may affect our personal care, how we look after our self, our appearance, personal cleanliness, diet, exercise and surroundings at home (See also Rebuilding The Foundations Of The Relationship Or Marriage)

Abandoning Our Partner & Us In The Relationship

We may have become stuck in some ways, shut down or struggle to engage. This can be frustrating for us & our partner. Feeling lonely around our partner, in order to avoid & protect against our core pain (e.g. loneliness or heartbreak) we can abandon ourseIves (and our heart), go into our heads, disconnect, shut down, become harsh or judgemental. We can end up behaving unlovingly towards our partner. Our withdrawal, judgements or attacks, can crush them. The core pain in us can get passed over to our partner. We may continue to believe that we are unable to handle the core pain in us now, trying to avoid this, mirroring how we were unable to handle pain as a child. We may avoid upsetting our partner for fear they might leave, yet in doing so we may at some level have abandoned us by not speaking our own truth. (See Influence Of Our Past On Our Relationship Or Marriage & Self-Abandonment)

Living Parallel Lives in The Relationship

Over time distance between us & our partner may have increased. One or both of our careers may have taken on such importance, that we have drifted away from nurturing our relationship. Like a neglected garden we may have grown apart, as if the relationship or marriage hasn't been attended to or appreciated. We may take them for granted or have slowly become disinterested or allow outside influences taking precedence over our relationship or marriage. Being together as part of a couple may have become difficult. We may feel trapped, disappointed, lost or lonely in our separate roles, as if each of us are living parallel lives, missing intimate human contact. The relationship may have become in limbo, stagnant or draining. Our identities are separate, yet the identity and romance of the relationship may have been lost. Like the polarities of a magnet, what once attracted us, may now repel us. It can seem as if we speak different languages. Learning or choosing how to be together again may be a challenge. Counselling & psychotherapy can discuss these issues and how you want to make the relationship flourish.

Locked Into Positions In Our Relationship

One, or both of us, can get locked into fixed positions, which may no longer work, especially when the tension builds. These entrenched positions may have become rigid & inflexible, and can create destructive cycles, so we are at loggerheads with each other, as if in a battle. We and the relationship may have become stuck. This can include the way we feeI, think & believe, behave, and the rigid roles we take in the relationship.

Examples may include:

• FeeIings: "You are responsible for the way I feeI"
• Thoughts & Beliefs: "If only you would...", "I deserve...", "I expect..."
• Behaviours: Controlling, withdrawing, ignoring, withholding, passivity, retaliating, constant bickering, attacking, blaming, cynicism
• Roles we take or assume: "My role is to... & that's my territory, your role is to... & that's your territory"

Turning Our Partner Into The Enemy

Some of us may not be sure how we've arrived at this point, but we may have turned the person, we once cared for & loved, into our enemy. And when we do this, we set up a scenario, where there must be a winner & a loser in a competitive atmosphere. Cooperating, bridge building & being a team together may have been forsaken.

We may have noticed familiar themes in how previous relationships have been & ended. We may get to a certain stage of the relationship, and something familiar happens. Stuck in old, familiar roles or patterns we may want to try new ones. Counselling & psychotherapy can help shed light upon our patterns, their sources & offer other perspectives.

Money Matters In The relationship Or Marriage

Money can be a thorny issue for many couple, and can be a highly charged subject. Whether or how to have a household budget and how much we stick to it can be problematic. Allowing for forgotten items, contingencies & treats can be a source of contention. Making so called sneaky or secretive purchases can create problems. When money is tight, tension can rise. What money means to us, how to make the relationship thrive, no matter what our financial situation, may be important.

How Confidence Affects Our Relationship

When we feeI insecure our relationships can present difficulties. If we are feeling fragile, we may have a strong need for reassurance or fear of criticism. We may need to be rescued. To gain acknowledgement, we may focus conversations on us - what we've achieved. We may develop an encyclopedia of excuses to maintain our morale, and find it hard to accept any blame or negative comment about us or our behaviour. Our "inner chatter" might be: "I don't like myself, so how can anybody else like me?" (For details see Self-Esteem, Confidence, Criticism, Insecurity & Assertiveness). The therapy can help us discover direct ways of getting our own needs met.

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