Please note that I use the words "relationship counselling services London", "marriage counselling services Llondon", "marriage psychotherapy London", "relationship psychotherapy London", "relationship psychotherapeutic counselling", "marriage psychotherapeutic counselling", "relationship talking therapy", "marriage talking therapy" and also "marriage counsellor", "relationship counsellor in London", "relationship psychotherapist", "marriage psychotherapist in London", "relationship talking therapist" & "marriage talking therapist" interchangeably. I am trained & accredited as a marriage & relationship counsellor & psychotherapist in dealing with marriage problems & relationship problems, neglecting, neglection or abandonment in relationships, and I am happy to discuss their differences with you.
Please note, for relationship counselling, marriage counselling & marriage guidance I only see individuals who want to work through their own marriage or relationship problems.
I don't see couples for counselling.
Relationship Counselling, Marriage Counselling, Relationship Problems, Marriage Problems, Central London, Camden
Relationship Problems
Neglect In The Relationship Or Marriage
We may not only have neglected our partner, taking them for granted, but also stopped caring for ourseIves. (See also Self-Abandonment)
Living Parallel Lives in The Relationship
Like the polarities of a magnet, what once attracted us, may now repel us. It can seem as if we speak different languages. We may feel trapped, disappointed, lost or lonely in our separate roles, as if each of us are living parallel lives, missing intimate human contact. The relationship may have become a little stagnant. Our identities are separate, yet the identity of the relationship may have been lost. Counselling & psychotherapy can explore these issues and how to make the relationship flourish.
Locked Into Positions In Our Relationship
One, or both of us, can get locked into fixed positions, which may no longer work. These entrenched positions may have become rigid & inflexible, and can create destructive cycles, so we are at loggerheads with each other, as if in a battle. We and the relationship may have become stuck. This can include the way we feeI, think & believe, behave, and the roles we take in the relationship.
Examples may include:
- FeeIings: "You are responsible for the way I feeI"
- Thoughts & Beliefs: "If only you would...", "I deserve...", "I expect..."
- Behaviours: Controlling, withdrawing, withholding, passivity, retaliating, attacking, blaming, cynicism
- Roles we take or assume : "My role is to... & that's my territory, your role is to... & that's your territory"
Relationship Roles & Patterns
One of us may have become lazy in the relationship, whereas the other one works hard. Some of us may pull back from the relationship by being physically present but emotionally absent. Keeping this safe distance we may share little of who we really are with our partner. One of us may keep testing the other – how far we can go, or they be pushed. Love may have been usurped by power/control struggles. In our attempt to constantly manage & control everything, we may want to keep everything safe & known. One of us may have become overly compliant, cooperative & supportive, yet realise over time we have lost our sense of who we are, that we can no longer gve way as a matter of our integrity. Emotions may be difficult to verbalise, hear or understand, if we are stuck in an "I'm right, you're wrong" scenario. One or both may play "top dog" or indeed act like the injured party in the relationship. Subtle (or not so subtle) power games or emotional bullying can occur. We can become competitive in unproductive ways by an "I'm-suffering-more-than-you" response. Conflict de-escalation and the ability to step aside & reflect can help.
We may have noticed familiar themes in how previous relationships have been & ended. Counselling & psychotherapy can help explore our patterns, their sources & offer other perspectives.
Abandoning Our Partner & Us In The Relationship
Feeling lonely around our partner, in order to avoid & protect against our core pain (e.g. loneliness or heartbreak) we can abandon ourseIves (and our heart), go into our heads, disconnect, shut down, become harsh or judgemental. We can end up behaving unlovingly towards our partner. Our withdrawal, judgements or attacks, can crush them. The core pain in us can get passed over to our partner. Because we were unable to handle pain as a child, we may continue to believe that we are unable to handle the core pain in us now, which we may continue to avoid. (See Influence Of Our Past On Our Relationship Or Marriage & Self-Abandonment)
How Confidence Affects Our Relationship
When we feeI insecure our relationships can present difficulties. If we are feeling fragile, we may have a strong need for reassurance or fear of criticism. We may need to be rescued. To gain acknowledgement, we may focus conversations on us - what we've achieved. We may develop an encyclopaedia of excuses to maintain our morale, and find it difficult accept any blame or negative comment about us or our behaviour. Our "inner chatter" might be: "I don't like myself, so how can anybody else like me?" (For details see Self-Esteem, Confidence, Criticism & Assertiveness). The therapy can help explore direct ways of getting our own needs met.
… back to Relationship Problems & Marriage Counselling - Index