Relationship Counselling
Central London, Camden, Kings Cross, London NW1
Glen Gibson - Dip. Counselling, MA Psychotherapy, Dip. Psychotherapy
UKCP & mBACP Accredited Relationship Counsellor & Marriage Counsellor

Influence Of Our Past On Our Relationship Or Marriage

Influence Of Our Past

Early Influences Relationships trigger things, which are unhealed in us - providing us with an opportunity to heal. The relationship counselling and marriage counselling not only take into consideration our immediate concerns, but also how our past may have impacted upon us, including past relationships. How our emotional needs were met (or not met) in our early years influences our present thoughts, reactions and relationship style. For example, if we weren't heard or seen in the past, this may affect our interactions now (see also Repetition Compulsion). Any accumulated resentment or sense of injustice from the past, obstructs our clear perception in the present. What we fear from our past can be recreated or re-enacted with our partner. Our unwanted feelings can be projected onto them, preventing us from loving ourselves and others or to heal. Some of the emotions we express may be quite primal (e.g. anger, jealousy), indicating that they may have earlier origins. What we believe to be a problem in the relationship (e.g. fear of engulfment, hurt, pain, shame or guilt) may simply be a projection from our unmet childhood needs or difficulties with our parents, onto our partner. This can also include feeling disconnected, disrespected, controlled or abandoned (see Our Sensitivities - Pushing Each Other's Buttons, Counselling London). Despite being a mature adult, we can at times act like a hurt or angry child inside. The unmet childhood needs may render us emotionally needy or denying our needs. If we rigidly stick to the promises we made to ourselves in our past, e.g. "I will never...", "I will always..." - they can keep us forever in reaction (re-enaction) in our relationship and have nothing to do with our current partner (see also Our Painbody). We may for example use others or allow us to be used by them. If we are having communication problems with our partner, it may be useful for us to work with transforming our childhood experiences. It can be as if an unconscious part from our past wants to recreate the struggles or pain from our past so as to heal unhealed wounds (see also Evolving Individually & As A Couple). Some of us may gravitate to someone similar to the parent with whom we have unresolved issues with (see also The Impact Of Our Past Affecting Us Now, Including Our Relationships). This may be connected to noticing familiar roles, patterns, characteristics in our adult relationships now. The relationship counselling can explore the impact of these early influences, untangling any roots from our past.

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