Please note that I use the words "relationship counselling in London", "marriage counselling in London", "marriage psychotherapy in London", "relationship psychotherapy in London", "relationship psychotherapeutic counselling London", "marriage psychotherapeutic counselling London", "relationship talking therapy", "marriage talking therapy" and also "marriage counsellor", "relationship counsellor", "relationship psychotherapist", "marriage psychotherapist", "relationship talking therapist" & "marriage talking therapist" interchangeably. I am trained & accredited as a marriage & relationship counsellor & psychotherapist in dealing with marriage problems & relationship problems, intimacy avoidance, sex problems, and I am happy to discuss their differences with you.
Please note, for relationship counselling, marriage counselling & marriage guidance I only see individuals who want to work through their own marriage or relationship problems.
I don't see couples for counselling.
Relationship Counselling, Marriage Counselling, Relationship Problems, Marriage Problems, Central London, Camden
Trust, Intimacy, Romance & Sex In The Relationship Or Marriage
Trust & Intimacy In The Relationship
Some people may be relatively competent in their social skills, yet have difficulty with intimacy. It is impossible to be intimate if we don't have a sense of who we are, which can be assisted by developing our boundaries. Others may assume that intimacy is entirely about sex. Valuing each other as two whole people without sexual objectification (not from our wounds but from our love) may for some be a challenge. Successful in other areas, we don't make the time or opportunity to talk to our partners about what is in our heart or let them into our lives. Being close - yet remote, not risking the strength & qualities of our tenderness - may play a role, so too may sexual intimacy & issues of establishing or rebuilding trust. Some of us may have difficulties letting people in, receiving, initiating or giving. It may be difficult for some to own or share their vulnerability, or trust others. Someone close to us can deeply wound us & we may be tempted to avoid pain. We may want to risk trusting ourseIf & our partner, without avoiding pain, to promote intimacy. Our trust & mistrust issues may go back to previous experiences of being hurt, rejected or abandoned, which can be explored in counselling & psychotherapy.
Intimacy Avoidance In Relationships
Fearing a successful intimate relationship, or believing we are not worthy of one, we can set up resistances & blocks and struggle to allow others close. We may become hard, aloof, cynical & closed as a way of keeping us safe from being taken advantage of, so we make us unapproachable. We may keep busy over-analysing things, mistaking intensity for intimacy, or struggle to fully engage. We may also lead a high energy lifestyle to replace our intimacy needs. We may sabotage, avoid, displace or divert our intimacy needs away from people, onto ideas, work, computer, the television, stimulants, possessions, or safe and familiar yet intimately unfulfilling territory.
In order to avoid intimacy, and keep a safe distance, we may end up:.
- Showing we don’t care about our partner so they can’t hurt us
- Rejecting ourself before our partner rejects us
- Believing we deserve to get what we want without asking for it
- Giving our partner what they want, but leave nothing for us
- Deciding we are no longer needy, now that our partner has needs
- Acting naively - as if don't know things, so we won’t be threatened in order to get our way
- Not wanting to hurt our partner, but believing it’s OK for us to be hurt
- Denying our own hurt, yet believing it’s OK for us to hurt our partner
- Demonstrating “Nothing bothers me”
- Giving up - believing it’s pointless to expect anything from our partner, so we won’t
- Totally surrendering – being what our partner wants us to be, as long as they don’t leave us
The very rejection we fear we may have also created. We may make a vow not to be vulnerable, so we can avoid pain or face our fears. In doing so we may experience additional pain now for not fully living our lives. Learning to carry & let go of the pain of past hurts, betrayals & rejections, may be a challenge for some (see also Our Wounded Self). Having an affectionate, sexual relationship maybe a goal for others. It may not be intimacy itself that is a stumbling block, but a fear that bad things may happen if intimacy becomes real. Psychotherapy & counselling can help explore the nature of our fears, that we may be rejected or abandoned, engulfed or controlled. Concerns about our partner dying can stop us living in the relationship. The therapy may also explore other ways of protecting ourseIf without keeping our heart closed.
Romance In The Relationship Or Marriage
One or both partners may have lost or forgotten how to bring the romance back into relationship. Rekindling the relationship, your passion, love & romance, maybe a desire for you.
Sexual Relationship
You may want to explore ways of improving your sexual relationship, including how to be more open & honest with your partner about your sexuality. Who makes the advances maybe an issue. Either you or your partner may not feel very sexual. (See also Sexual Difficulties)
… back to Relationship Problems & Marriage Counselling - Index