Please note that I use the words "London counselling services", "psychotherapy London", "psychotherapeutic counselling in London" & "talking therapy" and also "counsellor in London", "psychotherapist", "psychotherapeutic counsellor" & "talking therapist" interchangeably. I am trained & accredited as a counsellor, psychotherapist & talking therapist and I am happy to discuss their differences with you.
Counselling Central London Psychotherapy – Responsibility - Counsellor London Camden Psychotherapist
Our Own Responsibility
Self-Responsibility If the truth is that other people are responsible for what happens inside of us, we will have to wait for others to change. Once it becomes clear to us that we are personally responsible for our own needs, thoughts, feeIings, behaviours, reactions and willing to change anytime we want, we are able to empower ourseIves. Our personal boundaries support this, alongside our selfesteem, confidence & assertiveness. In every moment we can choose our response. Some of us may experience taking personal responsibility as a chore or punishment. We may abandon ourself rather than care of us. Others may hold back, waiting for someone else to do something for them, or to change. We can choose to respond to all our challenges in each moment – response-ability.
Many people are caught in a knot of selfdestructive behaviour and are unable to see or appreciate how they themselves have tied it. Each believes the problems lie somewhere 'out there', surrounding them but beyond them, rooted in external circumstances. They also believe that the solutions to their problems are 'out there' too - the right man, the perfect woman, a more appreciative boss, a more interesting job, the right diet.James Masterson
Self-Abandonment People usually treat us in similar ways to how we treat us. Therefore if we are abandoning us & have given up, we often experience abandonment by others. It can be as if we are imprisoned in a cell of our own making & shut down. We may choose to protect us, and make us feeI safe, so no one takes advantage of us or uses us. The lengths we go to may include closing off – becoming aloof, compliant, angry or acquiring unhelpful habits or addictions.
Many of us weren't loved in the way we needed to be, yet we can learn to do this. Some of us may struggle to define our own worth or lovability. Anxious, low or despairing, we may make others responsible for our own uncomfortable feeIings, for making us OK, which can end up disempowering us. We can do things in certain ways in an attempt to control how others feeI about us, whether they accept or reject us. This can cause us anxiety or depression, because we have neglected ourseIf. If at some level we have abandoned & stopped caring for us, we may become lonely inside. We abandon us when we judge, discount or ignore our feeIings. And when we disconnect from them, we can make others responsible to approve and accept us, which can lead to relationship difficulties. This can also happen if we don't speak up, abandoning who we are through resistance or compliance. Staying connected, being true to who we are, without giving us up to others, or expecting them give themselves up to us, may be our challenge. A further challenge may be allowing us time to reflect, without distraction. These selfabandonment issues can be explored in counselling & psychotherapy.
We may shut down or withdraw. Others may talk a lot, as a way of avoiding being controlled, rejected or invaded by others. We may remain stuck in our heads, and not our whole body, or have closed down our heart. Physically we may deprive ourseIves of proper sleep, not exercise or eat well, or ignore the way we look & dress. In our organisational abandonment or neglect, we can add to our stress by becoming permanently late, disorganised, chaotic, without order or creating a mess around us. We may earn enough money, yet be overdrawn, unable to save or use it to control or seek others approval. We may expect our partner to take financial responsibility for us, even if they feel uncomfortable doing so. We may disrespect our own needs, without standing up for who we are. We may fail to nourish ourseIves spiritually – whatever this means for us by easily loosing our integrity. As we treat us respectfully, we may notice changes in how others respond to us. Some people may sense they abandon themselves spiritually. This too can be explored in the counselling & psychotherapy.
Self-Nurturing Some of us may have put up walls of protection to not only keep others out, but also stop us from looking after us. When we compassionately take full responsibility for our own authentic feeIings, especially those uncomfortable ones we would not rather have, we are able to thrive. These may include our own helplessness or loneliness, grief or sorrow, heartbreak or heartache. This takes courage to be with our own suffering & truth, supported by our resilience & personal boundaries, so we no longer abandon us. This may also include the subtle & not so subtle attitudes & behaviours, e.g. how we look after our body, how we censor & select the information we absorb. Counselling & psychotherapy may explore our own selfcompassion and willingness to give us the attention, acceptance & approval we need, to be both worthy & lovable, in touch with our core seIf. We may want to use the therapy to also explore our own path in life.
Self-Beliefs We may believe that:
- The care we receive from others means more than caring for ourseIves
- We are not capable or worth having love for us, that others have to love us to prove our own worth
- Others should love us to make up for what we didn't receive as a child
Self-Worth Some of us may define our sense of worth through external factors like our performance, the way we look & our body shape, our possessions, volume of money in the bank, the amount of sex we have, what others think. You may want to use the counselling & psychotherapy to be more in touch with your intrinsic sense of worth – what you contribute to yourself & the way you are with others (without necessarily wanting anything back in return): e.g. kindness, compassion & generosity of spirit.
Our Own Responsibility Managing our own heartache is a real challenge. Being honest & trustworthy to us & others, without compromising our own integrity, presents its own challenges. As does taking responsibility for our own happiness & pain, sense of worth & safety. Taking personal responsibility, even when making mistakes (without blaming us) can also be a challenge. Making our partner responsible for our emotions may be a temptation.
Taking Responsibility For Others Some of us may want to take the whole responsibility, e.g. for our partner's pain & hurt (for details see Caretaking - Co-dependency)
Polarities Of Responsibility Some of us can take responsibility for everything & everyone and blame us when anything goes wrong. Others take no responsibility, blaming others, believing the problem lies our there, beyond them.
Support Our boundaries support us in taking personal responsibility in healthy ways. In the counselling & psychotherapy we can explore ways of defining your own worth and what it means to take care of yourself as a powerful, compassionate adult. We may also look at your own contributions which support your sense of worth - how you take worthwhile action for yourself & others, owning what you do.
Ask not what your country can do for you - ask what you can do for your country.J.F.Kennedy