Counselling & Psychotherapy

Counselling London Psychotherapy – Central London Counselling Services - Sensitivities - Counsellor London Camden Psychotherapist
Sensitivities

Selfempowerment Sometimes we can allow others to get under our skin, so much so that it can disempower us. Developing a thick skin when we need to may be important for some. We can be overly affected by the opinions, choices & actions of others, including negativity. We may become easily blown off track. We may be over-tuned emotionally, becoming a sponge for everything around us (see also Enmeshment). We may be sensitive to criticism. Counselling & psychotherapy can explore what happens to us, our own ground & sense of empowerment, so we are less in reaction to anything anyone thinks or says about us, and we are able to take responsibility for our own behaviour & responses. (See also Confidence Building - Empowering Us)

Our Struggles We may at times feeI as sensitive or insignificant, like a grain of sand, subject to Iife's elements. We may struggle to participate in the world, as it unfolds & changes, be resilient and part of something larger than ourseIves.

Our Own Sensitivities Our sensitivities colour our perceptions & can cause us to react strongly. All men & women have emotional sensitivities (especially when we are stressed or tired) which stem from our needs & experiences in the world. Usually these needs are very basic. Those of us who are especially sensitive to being:

• Disrespected - tend to respond well when the feedback we receive is largely positive, as opposed to destructive comments & criticism. We feeI better when others seek & value our opinions. People around us need to be especially careful to look & sound respectful. Those of us who have a strong psychological need for respect, can be easily put down or deeply hurt by others (including hurt in our relationship), having misinterpreted their behaviour as disrespectful or controlling.
• Controlled - tend to respond antagonistically to directives, but better to requests, thrive on being given choices. It is important for us to be allowed to make decisions & be in charge wherever possible, and at the same time take others into consideration. Those of us who are sensitive to being controlled may misinterpret people's intentions & motivations. We may experience being controlled in our relationship.
• Abandoned - tend to respond better when we are being heard, kept informed, included in social situations & appreciate affection & closeness in our relationship or marriage. Those of us who are sensitive to being abandoned may misread the behaviour of others as rejection.
• Invaded - tend to respond with anger or withdrawal. Those of us who are sensitive to our own space can get uncomfortable, claustrophobic or fear getting engulfed. It is as if our very seIf is constricted. We can feel unsafe, with too much closeness, yet paradoxically want companionship & intimacy, which may be at a different pace to our partner. However, some of us may find difficult to let love in, putting up walls of protection, finding it hard to truly experience love.

Scale Of Sensitivities Sometimes we may take things so personally as if everything is only about us. Our sensitivities for some of us can be so very important, and precious to us that the way we perceive others in the world can lead us to misinterpret things & over-react in disproportionate ways. If we are not careful we can get caught in either victim, persecutor, rescuer mode. Easily wounded or punctured, hurt to our very core (often dating back from our past), we in turn may react to other people's reactions and get stuck in this pattern, as each others buttons are pushed. This is especially true in our relationship with our partner, who seems to have the ability to push our buttons. It can be a challenge for us to:

• Respond to our own intolerance & that of others
• Control our emotions when other people are behaving badly
• Step back, double check our perceptions & find other possible perspectives
• Take responsibility for the part we play in making sure we don't unintentionally push other people's buttons
• Learn overtime to become less sensitive

Walking On Eggshells Many of us become prickly at times. People may complain that they have to be so careful, not wanting to upset us - being with us can be like treading on eggshells. This may be connected to our unhealed wounds.

Managing Sensitivities None of us are saints, so sometimes others experience us as a difficult person. When we are fragile or overly sensitive, we too can choose to see other people as difficult. So when buttons are pressed there are many factors in play, including our own inadvertent contribution, especially if our sensitivities are so precious to us, or we struggle to take care of our own needs. Letting go of the tight grip our sensitivities have on us, yet being resilient, may be our challenge. Learning to tolerate things we need to tolerate may be a further challenge. We can become sensitive to anxiety. Counselling & psychotherapy can help us take into account and manage our own sensitivities, vulnerabilities, confidence & responses to other people's sensitivities. Therapy also examines how we can protect ourself with our resilience, hardiness & healthy boundaries, flexibility, and also negotiate our preferences.