Counselling & Psychotherapy

Stress, Fear & Anxiety Living in the past or future, yet not in the present moment, some of us can f e e l stuck in our fear, stress or anxiety. It can be exhausting. Understanding that our choice is in our control (supported by our personal boundaries), can reduce our stress & anxiety, and empower us.

Counselling London Psychotherapy Camden
Stress

Stress is a normal reaction and many of us thrive on it. However, problems begin when we become consumed by stress, and it takes us over, affecting our l i f e vitality. Feeling distress or tension in our bodies, we have numerous physical reactions (e.g. teeth grinding) & become so emotionally aroused that the quality of our thinking is impaired, we become less productive and our relationships are affected. Stress also affects our behaviour. It is not only negative situations, which create stress - relief of passing an exam, receiving promotion, moving into a new place, a new relationship or the birth of a child can also be causes. Undergoing unfamiliar, unexpected change, can also be stressful, as can not getting our needs met. Each person has their own reasons for f e e l i n g overwhelmed by stress and the psychotherapy considers your own circumstances in order to reduce or manage your stress better. Stress can be seen as a milder form of anxiety. Psychotherapy & counselling can help with understanding stress & trauma, balancing pressure with stress, exploration of unhelpful behaviour, time management, support networks & useful tips for reducing stress in traumatic situations.

Counselling London Psychotherapy Camden
Fear

Fear is our natural emotional response caused by exposure to any present or future danger that may threaten us. The threat tends to be of an external nature. Fear can stop us in our tracks, and we can f e e l immobilised or disorganised. Our fear can be seen as a sign that something in us needs attention, and the counselling & psychotherapy can explore this with you.

Some of us can be fearful, scared or traumatised about a present situation, which is triggered by events in our past. We may for example fear conflict or rejection (see also Conflict & Fear Of Rejection, Abandonment in relationships). We can be frightened of getting things wrong, criticism, failure, success, or being exposed. If our s e l f-esteem is low we often f e e l fear. Some of us may be so attached to control, being right or winning, that they make it more important than choosing love. Our fear may manifest through our dominant or submissive behaviour. Counselling and psychotherapy explores not only the issue that the fear is related to, but also its triggers, source & the beliefs that continue to support our fears. Fear of dying can be a real concern for men & women, as can fear of living to our full potential. Therapy may also explore ways of not being so dominated by our fear system, find our way through it and provide frameworks for understanding the nature of fear, loneliness & withdrawal.

There is nothing to fear but fear itself Franklin D. Roosevelt

Counselling London Psychotherapy Camden
Anxiety

Anxiety is a normal reaction to fear. Some people report this as worry or f e e l i n g worried, nerves or f e e l i n g nervous, tension or f e e l i n g tense, f e e l i n g on edge. Anxiety is a present state emotion about future anticipated events, where we tend to visualise & rehearse scenarios, imagining events as out of our control or unavoidable. These present events often carry historical triggers, memories of what happened before (some of them may be subtle, a person's facial expression, tone, etc). We can also be anxious about change or not knowing things, finding it difficult to deal with pressure. The threat tends to be of an internal nature - what's happening inside us. Many of us f e e l anxious when we can't get our needs met. Unless we are able to calm o u r s e l v e s & f e e l at ease, some of us can get so tense or excited, that it can be hard to think properly, and we can lose perspective. We may busy o u r s e l v e s always doing things, and we may find it hard to enjoy our own company or relax as we s e l f reflect. When anxious, our attention span may reduce. Our minds are not only ignition, but also a brake, and some of us may want to learn to put the breaks on, so we don't get ahead of o u r s e l v e s – stuck in our heads, maybe at the cost of not being fully present, in the moment. Putting our breaks on can help us to manage our stream of consciousness. Without our personal boundaries, e.g. saying "No, I'm not going to give this thought any more time", we can allow the anxiety to dominate us, as our preoccupation becomes our disposition. We can get o u r s e l v e s into a vicious & familiar circle of negative thoughts, which in turn produce "stress" hormones of Adrenaline & Cortisol. Triggering our "fight-flight-freeze" mechanism, ancient in us all (and indeed all male & female animals), anxiety is a normal reaction to fear, which is fundamental to our survival.

• "Fight" reaction can manifest as our aggression or rage, when we f e e l out of control or rebellious - no matter what the consequences, which can make us f e e l energised & powerful and indeed seductive. Alcohol & drugs can bring this out in us even more.
• "Flight" reaction means withdrawing into o u r s e l v e s or compensating activities. We may escape into work, bury o u r s e l v e s in a book or sports & reach for comfort food, alcohol, drugs, which challenge our s e l f-control. A flight reaction can also be sinking into our depression.
• "Freeze" reaction renders us numb by blanking out, becoming forgetful & confused. We become hard to reach. As we collapse we may f e e l guilt, shame, depression & s e l f-doubt. Exhaustion can follow leading to illnesses. Some people associate chronic illness with this "freeze" reaction.

This "fight-flight-freeze" mechanism is our survival mechanism, when we f e e l under threat, and the body's natural way of responding. Anxiety is not a physical disease, although it can affect our body (tension, sleeping, breathing, etc) & physical health, thinking, behaviour cycles, our emotional, mental & spiritual wellbeing, alongside our socialising, work, relationships, etc.

Feeling impatient, making no time to consider our place in the world, some of us may tirelessly want to be one step ahead, as if we wind o u r s e l v e s up, feeding our own agitation. Our mind racing, we may speak a lot or can be so busy thinking what to say next that we find it hard to be present and calmly live in the moment. Silence for some can be threatening, which can be explored in therapy.

Hyper-aroused & agitated, we can f e e l panicky or startled and some of us can experience panic attacks. Tools for lowering our anxiety levels can help. Changing our patterns of response (what happens in our bodies, thoughts & emotions), stilling the mind, s e l f-calming or soothing strategies can assist, as we become bigger than the anxiety & learn to manage it. Simply tolerating & enjoying our own company, without busying o u r s e l v e s, can be a challenge, especially if we believe that if we stop to think, we will f e e l panicky. Some of us have specific habits, addictions or automatic responses (see also Role Of The Unconscious) when we f e e l anxious, like pulling or plucking our hair. When our fear no longer saps our energy, we f e e l more refreshed. Our anxiety could be seen as letting us know that we may have abandoned our s e l f. The therapy can help us explore ways of tolerating our tension & anxiety, taking care of o u r s e l v e s - mind, f e e l i n g s & body. This may entail exploring ways of giving to yourself the attention, approval & acceptance you need to f e e l worthy, getting your own love needs and share your caring outwardly with others.

Counselling London Psychotherapy Camden
Social Anxiety Or Phobia

Some of us have a fear of interacting with others in certain social situations, rendering us extremely anxious and this can turn to panic, especially with authority figures. Our fear is usually about being rejected or judged by others. There can be a tendency to isolate o u r s e l v e s (s e l f-abandonment) rather than risk what we fear. Familiar beliefs tend to be speculations, like what if:

• People see how nervous I am
• I make a fool of myself or say something stupid
• People think I'm weird
• No one wants to speak to me
• I won't be interesting
• They know I'm embarrassed or see me blush

Being over-dependent on others increases our anxiety. Those of us that f e e l socially anxious can put pressure on o u r s e l v e s to do (and be seen to be doing) everything right, so that we are liked & accepted, and don't f e e l worthless. This pressure we put on o u r s e l v e s makes us f e e l anxious & unsafe. Therefore our l i f e, and sense of s e l f, may become determined by others liking or rejecting us – so if we are liked we are OK, but if not, we f e e l worthless. Some of us can do our utmost to control how others f e e l about us, trying to do everything right. This cycle causes more anxiety. We usually abandon o u r s e l v e s by giving others power over us, seeking their approval, acceptance, attention & sense of safety as if we can only get these from others.

Counselling & psychotherapy can help initially by finding ways for you to bring your arousal levels down. If there are concerns about emotional s e l f-awareness, and rapport with others, the therapy can explore this with you. We may then look at ways you remain stuck in this cycle & other possible alternatives, how you can define your own worth & s e l f-love, instead of making others responsible for your own sense of worth. The therapy can also explore ways in which we no longer abandon o u r s e l v e s, take responsibility for our own f e e l i n g s & inner loneliness, instead of making others responsible – how we become s e l f-empowered. These "others" tend to be figures of authority, who we desperately want to accept us. The therapy therefore explores ways of taking your own authority, slowly switching around from what you want to get from others, to what you want to give. A challenge for some may therefore be transforming avoidance of others to sharing with others our interest, attention, care or happiness.