Counselling & Psychotherapy

Stress, Fear & Anxiety can be experienced as interchangeable reactions inside of us. Some of us can get stuck or immobilised in our fear, stress or anxiety. In its grip or overwhelmed, we may be caught in the past or be fretting about the future, not in the present moment, so we struggle to get much done. It can be exhausting, yet familiar, as if there is no other way of being, as our stress, fear or anxiety dominates our life. We may struggle to be aware of other options or see a bigger picture. Stress can be seen as a milder form of anxiety. Anxiety can be seen as a fear of choice in our hands. Understanding that we have range of choices, that our choice is in our control (supported by our personal boundaries), can bring stress relief, reduce our anxiety problem & empower us.

Counselling London, Stress Management, Stress Relief, Stress Counselling, Counselling for Stress Problems, Stress Therapy London
Stress Management

Stress is a normal human reaction and many of us thrive on it. Our stress can also help us to do things, yet in a long run our stress can be ineffective, resulting in tiredness or burnout. Problems begin when we become consumed by stress, and it takes us over, affecting our vitality. Pressurised, we can become distressed, tense in our bodies, as we have numerous physical reactions (see Somatic Reactions below). We can become so emotionally aroused that the quality of our thinking is impaired, we become less productive and our relationships, including our libido, are affected. Our stress problem also affects our behaviour. We can all hit a wobbly patch or feel on edge. It is not only negative situations, which create stress - relief from achieving something, receiving promotion, moving into a new place, a new relationship, the birth of a child, a celebration, excitement can also be causes. Undergoing unfamiliar, unexpected change, can also be stressful, as can not getting our needs met. Each person has their own reasons for being overwhelmed by stress and the psychotherapy considers your own circumstances in order to reduce or manage your stress better. It can be argued that we feel overwhelmed, because we think we are. We may struggle to remain calm, simplify things, unable to see that we have things to do, struggle to prioritise, break down tasks into smaller pieces and get started. Stress at work (work stress) may be a particular concern. In the stress counselling & psychotherapy, we may also pay attention to your breathing (which can take your attention away from your experience of stress) & other stress reducing support systems.

Stress Management alone may not be enough for effective stress relief. However, it may be of benefit to overcome or manage our fears & distress, in order to initially reduce our anxiety. In the stress management counselling we may also look at what causes stress in the first place, e.g. powerlessness - giving others control over our thoughts, feeIings & choices. Psychotherapy & stress counselling can help with understanding stress & trauma, balancing pressure with stress, stress management, stress relief, unhelpful behaviour, time management, support networks & useful tips for reducing stress in traumatic situations. The stress counselling can also look at ways that help you relax

Stress Counselling London Psychotherapy, Stress Therapy, Central London Counselling, Fear, Counsellor London Psychotherapist
Fear

Our Fear keeps us from taking risks. It can slow us down, so we can stop, think, avoid danger & keep us safe. Our fear can help save us from threatening situations - it has the function of focusing & energising us. It activates our fight, flight, freeze mechanism (see below), so we respond to danger. Fear is our natural emotional response to any current or future danger (real or imagined) that may threaten us. Trauma arouses fear. The threat tends to be of an external nature. Our fear can be our driver to do things, as if that is the only way we know. Acting in a fear-driven way may also be entirely appropriate - supporting our survival. This is what we may be used to doing and have yet to find other responses to our fear (see also The Realm of the Unconscious). Yet our internal fear can also stop us from living all of who we are. Being in the shadow of our fear can stop us in our tracks, our thoughts can tumble "What if ... ?", and we can become immobilised, disorganised, as our curiosity dilutes. Being in touch with our curiosity may support us moving away from our fear. Frightened, we can sometimes allow this shadow to bully us, so we don't fully Iive, always choosing the predictable. In this dark & scary place it can seem as there is no light When we have a fear attack, it can render us isolated & lonely. We can allow the force of our fear to be like a magnet - feeding our fear by attracting it through our thoughts, beliefs & actions. The more we focus on our fear, we may unconsciously make it real. This can stop us acting & taking risks. Continuously fearing outcomes, and what might happen, can be exhausting. "Catastrophising" or "awfulising" can be addictive. Our hope may be elusive, as we struggle to rise above our fear. Our fear can be seen as a sign that something in us needs attention, and the counselling & psychotherapy can go into this with you. Acknowledging your fear, we may also find out what other feeIings lay behind it. When our fear no longer grips us or saps our energy, we are more refreshed and freer to take risks, trusting who we are.

Physical Feelings, Somatic Reactions When we are in touch with our fear, or are fear driven, we become anxious, experiencing somatic reactions. Our muscles tense up. Our stomach can be in knots - we may have a stomach-ache or nausea. Our chest can tighten, we can get headaches, excessively sweat, become dizzy, shake or tremble. Our skin may come out in a rash. We may grind our teeth. Our breathing becomes shallow. When we are in touch with our breathing, it can focus our attention away from our stress. The counselling & psychotherapy may therefore pay attention to how you breathe & other ways you can relax yourself. (See also "Fight", "Flight", "Freeze" reactions below)

The fear we experience now may well have echoes from our past, which can be allowed for in the therapy. This may include our misplaced loyalty, which keeps us stuck. Therefore, some of us can be fearful, scared or traumatised about a current situation, which is triggered by events in our past. We may for example fear conflict, rejection, our own company or silences (see Keeping Busy below). Wracked by fear we can be frightened of getting things wrong, criticism, failure, success, or being exposed (which may often be linked to our shame). If our selfesteem is low, our fear system can get aroused. Some of us may be so attached to control, being right or winning, that they make it more important than choosing love over fear. Our fear may also manifest through our dominant or submissive behaviour, or our procrastination. Fear of dying can be a real concern for men & women, as can fear of living to our full potential. Our unconscious fears may also play a huge role. Counselling and psychotherapy acknowledges not only the issue that the fear is related to, but also its triggers, source & the beliefs that continue to support our fears. Frameworks for understanding the nature of fear, loneliness & withdrawal may be offered. And we may want to courageously find our way into our fear & through the other side, which can seem counterintuitive. Counselling & psychotherapy may also examine ways of dissolving our fears, so we are not so dominated by our fear system and are able to move forward with any small & big changes we want to make. We may for example respond to our fears as facts. This may include looking at concrete ways of learning how to stop scaring ourseIf, so the very thing we want or desire can be less scary & open up for us. Choosing love over fear may be a consideration.

Counselling London Psychotherapy, Stress Therapy, Counselling for Anxiety, Social Anxiety, Anxiety Therapy, Counsellor London
Anxiety

Anxiety Overview Anxiety is a normal reaction to fear and when our basic security is threatened. Taking personal responsibility for things leads to anxiety, a process in us all, and when we can authentically face it, our anxiety has the potential to help us grow & learn. Paradoxically if we try to avoid our anxiety, by denying its reality, this can compound our anxiety. Anxiety can't be entirely eliminated, though it can be reduced. Paradoxically, as we face our anxieties, find our way through them, we can become freer of them. We all get anxious and our anxiety could be seen on 3 levels, a basic anxiety for things that any of us are likely to get anxious about. For example it is common to get anxious about everyday events, like being threatened by a stranger, getting lost going to an important meeting, starting a new job. Some of our anxiety may also be about our daily existence - that we are alive, things are never certain, secure or always predictable, existential anxiety - inevitable in us all, part of our daily challenge. Difficulties embracing suffering & love as part of our human condition can also be anxiety provoking. When we struggle to respond appropriately & constructively, in proportion to the inevitability of everyday events, or existential anxiety, our anxiety can become more of a neurotic nature.

Neurotic Anxiety "Neurotic anxiety can persistently arouse our nervous system, resulting in ongoing tension - the background internal pressure we put on us, which unknowingly can also become foreground, and when it does, it can become relentless. Some of us can be in a perpetual state of heightened anxiety, as if we are continuously putting our self on trial, often in harsh, critical ways, which diminishes our esteem. This anxiety can kick in first thing in the morning on waking, and be our companion throughout the day. Some may give their anxiety other names, like nerves (nervous), angst, tension (tense), apprehension, ruminating (ruminate) about our past or future, fretting (fret), the jitters (jittery), being on edge, pressurised or being under pressure, over-analysing things. Anxiety is a present state emotion about future anticipated events ("If I could just get this, do that"). We can mull over & over again future outcomes, anticipating discomfort. This can be compounded if we view future activities as onerous or with dread, which can lead to disappointment. We can expend our energy contemplating consequences of our actions where, we tend to visualise & rehearse scenarios, imagining events as out of our control or unavoidable. We can even worry about future regrets. We may have regular catastrophic fantasies. These current concerns often carry historical triggers, memories of what happened before (some of them may be vague or even unconscious to us). We can also be anxious about change or not knowing things, the unexpected, unfamiliar or unpredictable, or struggle to deal with pressure and paradox. The threat tends to be of an internal nature - what's happening inside us, as things become magnified. We can pick up a thread of something and our thinking can cascade into a continuous stream of thoughts, as we struggle to filter them. We can worry about things so much that our anxiety tumbles & our level of concern seems out of proportion, as we become less willing to take risks. When we become overanxious, this can put a strain on our work & relationships. Letting go of our anxiety, no longer fighting against things, that we don't need to, so we don't hold on to them and they don't have such a grip upon us, can be a challenge.

Worry Some people report their anxiety as worry (or being worried). Our worry has a healthy dimension to it. It alerts us to what can go wrong, and can help us prepare & plan. Yet we may struggle to accept uncertainty, that things will happen, everything can't be controlled, that we can deal with things. Forever worrying "what if ..." may not be helpful - it can simply make us more worried. Worried all the time it is as if we can't stop worrying. Some of us can worry about how much we worry. Others can worry if they haven't got anything to worry about. Constantly worrying can stop us relaxing. Counselling & psychotherapy may explore where we put our attention, and where else we might want to put it, alongside the subliminal messages we tell ourselves.

Preoccupied With Certain Worries - How Things Can Build Up Inside Some of us can get into a state of anxiety from the moment we get up, till we go to bed, and even then it may be present. Our anxiety can be so intense at times, as if it is going around in a loop and we can't control it. Our anxiety can become debilitating, stopping us doing things. We can get anxious when we don't know where a danger is coming from, and this can strengthen if we can't diffuse it. It can arise at any moment, doesn't need an event to cause it. Many of us become anxious when we can't get our needs met. Little things can build up, so if we don't get a quick response from someone, we get anxious or may feel abandoned. Inside we may be lonely. Unless we are able to calm ourseIf & feeI at ease, some of us can get so tense or excited, that it can be hard to think properly, and we can lose perspective. Overanxious, persistently nervous, aroused, tense we can become impotent. Without our personal boundaries, e.g. saying "No, I'm not going to give this thought any more time", we can allow the anxiety to dominate us, as our preoccupation becomes our disposition. Some of us can become fixated, locked into, preoccupied by certain worries, ordeals. We can get something in our head, which has become be all & end all, as if we are trapped in this cycle. The more we try to break this cycle, the more it dominates. When we get over-anxious we not only put us under psychological & emotional pressure, but also physical pressure.

Embodying Our Anxiety What we think & feel affects our body. We can be in constant dialogue inside of us, a vicious & familiar circle of worry or negative thoughts, and we get anxious, which in turn produces "stress" hormones of adrenaline & cortisol. We become tensed & aroused in our body. Triggering our "fight-flight-freeze" mechanism, ancient in us all, connected to our evolutionary past (and indeed all animals), anxiety is a normal reaction to fear, which is fundamental to our survival. However most modern stressful situations don't produce a danger, requiring us to fight, run away or become frozen, yet unused chemicals in our body may keep circulating. In many stressful situations our bodies may be over-reacting in a state of emergency, as if our faulty alarm bells are misfiring, and it can be challenging to reset these by being calm, managing our own anxiety.

• "Fight" reaction can manifest as our aggression or rage, when we are out of control or rebellious - no matter what the consequences, which can make us feeI energised & powerful and indeed seductive. Alcohol & drugs can bring this out in us even more.
• "Flight" reaction means withdrawing inside or into compensating activities. We may escape into work, bury into a book or sports & reach for comfort food, alcohol, drugs, which challenge our selfcontrol. A flight reaction can also be sinking into our depression.
• "Freeze" reaction renders us numb by blanking out, becoming forgetful & confused. We can become paralysed or hard to reach. As we collapse we may feel guilt, shame, depression & selfdoubt. Exhaustion can follow leading to illnesses. Some people associate chronic illness with this "freeze" reaction.

This "fight-flight-freeze" mechanism is our survival mechanism, when we are under threat, and the body's natural way of responding. Anxiety is not a physical disease, although it affects our body (tension - e.g. in the pit of our stomach, sleeping, breathing, etc) & physical health, thinking, behaviour cycles, our emotional, mental & spiritual wellbeing, alongside our socialising, work, relationships, etc. Behind our anxiety may also hide our rage & anger, which can also be explored in the counselling & psychotherapy.

Keeping Busy - Difficulties Slowing Down & Relaxing When we get anxious, our mind whirrs & our attention span reduces. When anxious, we may become impatient, with a frantic edge, lose our focus or find it hard to switch off. We may need to know everything and be in control. Ill at ease, uncomfortable, bored, restless, desperate or empty inside, we may have a list of so many things to do or constantly need to fill things up to pass the time, as if we need to distract ourself from our self. "What's next" may be our continuous mantra. Some of us may tirelessly want to be one step ahead, as if we wind ourself up, like a coiled spring, getting into a loop, feeding our own agitation, and becoming more tense. As a distraction, we may keep busy overdoing things, juggling tasks, as our attention begins to wander. We may be busy caring for others or be in our "fix it" mode. We may try to be a perfectionist or have a harsh taskmaster, which drives us. If we fail, we may deflate. We may try to become indispensable, especially at work (thriving on pressures, speed & deadlines) or flit from one task to another. Impatient, overloaded, rushing & running, we may be on a treadmill, like a hamster continuously going round the wheel, always trying to do something. Overburdened, sometimes we can collapse with exhaustion. Forever trying to anticipate things or switched on, we may be in a double bind – wanting to relax & let go, yet believing if we stop & do nothing, we will get anxious or come up against difficult, unwanted feelings. We may constantly fill up an empty gap with stimulation, needing to move on to something new, avoiding the opportunity to be calm or restful, yet desiring this. Being relaxed with who we are may be important to us.

Keeping Busy - Continuously preoccupied or craving stimulation, using electronic devices, constantly sending or checking text messages, emails (including the rush we can get when we receive the message back, the interpretations we make if we don't hear from them may be even catastrophising), blogs, social networking websites (as if we are seeking validation from others), internet. We may struggle to slow down & reflect before replying to messages. We may constantly have the TV on, continuously play music, convincing ourseIves that our multitasking makes us efficient, yet we may be bored inside, hop scotching by simply switching tasks as our mind flips from one distraction to another. Tuning out of everything, we may have become out of tune with ourself & others, as if we too are a machine. We may struggle to tolerate the gap between doing things. Some of us may believe we can only thrive in a crisis or with lots of excitement, what some people call an adrenaline junkie. Our mind racing, we may speak a lot or can be so busy thinking what to say or do next that we find it hard to be present and calmly be in the moment. Constantly chasing things around, we may have become out of touch with what enriches us. Continuously on the go, rarely stopping, we may put pressure on not only us, but also others. Lonely inside, some of us may even be surprised when we actually are relaxed and in the moment, as if we are not supposed to be. Learning to override any sense of alienation or panic may be our challenge. We may try to avoid silence (maybe fearing what lurks in our unconscious), slow down, be alone or create a space to see what happens, because it makes us edgy, as we try to avoid our anxiety, denying its reality as part of the human condition. Finding it hard to just stop & be, we can flee from our own "inner sanctuary" - being in touch with a few quiet moments of stillness & reflection, which can be threatening for some (see also Releasing Ourselves & Letting Go). We may struggle to be intimate, enjoy our own company, reflect in our own space, without keeping busy, having to do something or create a drama. We may be so busy "doing", that we overlook "being".

Keeping Busy - Culture Of Distraction Dwelling on things, our thoughts can go round & round, and our minds can run away with things. Our minds are not only ignition, but also a brake, and some of us may want to learn to put the breaks on, so we don't get ahead of ourseIf – stuck in our heads, maybe at the cost of not being fully present, in the moment. Talking fast, or thinking a lot, may also be a habit we have got into. On the surface we may have boundless optimism. Focusing on not reacting to external stimulus may be challenging. We may continuously keep busy in order to avoid resolving certain difficulties, and the more we are in touch with our deeper uncomfortable stirrings, the busier we may become, making light of problems, pretending they are not happening. We may end up pretending that everything is OK, keeping things inside our head, and people around us may become frustrated. Ironically, keeping busy on the one hand, we may procrastinate on the other. A part of us may feel out of control. Counselling & psychotherapy can help with anxiety treatment and also make time to consider our place in the world, supporting our control in how & what we think, so we are in charge, calm, not a slave to our incessant thoughts or all-or-nothing thinking, accepting our anxiety as part of being human. Often accompanied by negative thoughts, we may believe: "I have to keep busy doing something (and can't imagine not doing anything), if I stop, I will get anxious or feel guilty, so why would I". The therapy may also explore how putting the breaks on may help us to manage our stream of consciousness. Simply tolerating & enjoying our own company, without always being busy, can be a challenge, especially if we believe that if we stop to think, we will get panicky. It can be as if we are dealing with things, and not really living.

Anxiety Overload Leading To Panic Attacks Or Anxiety Attacks We may have certain triggers for our panic attacks, like enclosed environments, formal events, speaking publicly. Some of them are common to many, and you may have your own specific ones. When our anxiety becomes prolonged, we can be susceptible to illnesses. Hyper-aroused, agitated or impatient, we can become like a tightly coiled spring, panicky or startled and some of us can experience panic attacks (also known as an anxiety attack), which can be frightening. We feel these feelings in our body (see Embodying Our Anxiety above). Anxiety treatment can be assisted by having some tools for lowering our anxiety levels. Changing our patterns of response (what happens in our bodies, thoughts & emotions), stilling the mind, selfcalming or soothing strategies can assist, as we become bigger than the anxiety & learn to manage it. Some of us have specific phobias, habits, addictions or automatic responses (see also Role Of The Unconscious) when we are anxious, like comfort eating, pulling or plucking our hair (trichotillomania). Our anxiety could be seen as letting us know that we may have abandoned ourself. The anxiety counselling can help us find ways of tolerating our tension & anxiety, taking care of our mind, feeIings & body – anxiety management. This may entail giving to yourself the attention, approval & acceptance you need to feel worthy – so you can look after yourself in the fullest sense.

Counselling London Psychotherapy, Anxiety Counselling, Stress Therapy, Social Phobia, Social Anxiety, Counsellor London Psychotherapist
Social Anxiety Or Social Phobia

Being With Others We may feel socially awkward, shy or uncomfortable. Some of us have a fear of interacting with others in certain social situations, rendering us extremely anxious and this can turn to panic, especially with authority figures. Our fear is usually about being rejected or judged by others. Feeling like an outsider, there can be a tendency to isolate us (selfabandonment) rather than risk what we fear. Familiar beliefs tend to be speculations, like what if:

• People see how nervous I am
• I make a fool of myself or say something stupid
• People think I'm weird or inferior
• No one wants to speak to me
• I won't be interesting
• They know I'm embarrassed or see me blush

Increasing Our Social Anxiety Or Social Phobia Being over-dependent on others increases our social phobia or social anxiety. Those of us that get socially anxious can put pressure on us to do (and be seen to be doing) everything right, so that we are liked & accepted, and don't feel worthless. This pressure makes us anxious & unsafe. Therefore our Iife, and sense of seIf, may become determined by others liking or rejecting us – so if we are liked we are OK, but if we are not, we label us as worthless. Some of us can do our utmost to control how others think about us, trying to do everything right. This cycle causes more social anxiety or phobia. We usually abandon ourself by giving others power over us, seeking their approval, acceptance, attention & sense of safety as if we can only get these from others. Counselling & psychotherapy explores how being comfortable & connected to your self (not your fears, anxieties) can support how you are with others.

Counselling & psychotherapy can help initially by finding ways for you to bring your arousal levels down. If there are concerns about emotional self-awareness, and rapport with others, the social anxiety treatment therapy can explore your capacity to connect with others. Men & women tend to have different communication styles. We may then look at ways you remain stuck in this cycle & other possible alternatives, how you can define your own worth & selflove, instead of making others responsible for your own sense of worth. Social phobia or social anxiety management counselling can also discuss ways in which we no longer abandon ourseIves, take responsibility for our own feelings & inner loneliness, instead of making others responsible – how we become selfempowered. These "others" tend to be figures of authority, who we desperately want to accept us. Anxiety management therapy therefore supports you in taking your own authority. A challenge for some may be transforming avoidance of others to sharing with others our interest, attention, care or happiness, addressing the balance between getting what we want from others & what you want to give.