Counselling & Psychotherapy

Stress, Fear & Anxiety Living in the past or future, yet not in the present moment, some of us can get stuck in our fear, stress or anxiety. It can be exhausting. Understanding that our choice is in our control (supported by our personal boundaries), can bring stress relief, reduce anxiety & empower us.

Counselling London, Stress Management, Stress Relief, Stress Counselling, Counsellor London
Stress Management

Stress is a normal reaction and many of us thrive on it. We can all hit a wobbly patch or feel on edge. However, problems begin when we become consumed by stress, and it takes us over, affecting our vitality. Distressed or tensed in our bodies, we have numerous physical reactions (e.g. teeth grinding) & become so emotionally aroused that the quality of our thinking is impaired, we become less productive and our relationships are affected. Stress also affects our behaviour. It is not only negative situations, which create stress - relief of passing an exam, receiving promotion, moving into a new place, a new relationship or the birth of a child can also be causes. Undergoing unfamiliar, unexpected change, can also be stressful, as can not getting our needs met. Each person has their own reasons for being overwhelmed by stress and the psychotherapy considers your own circumstances in order to reduce or manage your stress better. Stress can be seen as a milder form of anxiety.

Stress Management alone may not be enough for effective stress relief. However, it may be of benefit to overcome or manage our fears & distress, in order to initially reduce our anxiety. In the therapy we may also explore what causes stress in the first place, e.g. powerlessness - giving others control over our thoughts, feelings & choices. Psychotherapy & counselling can help with understanding stress & trauma, balancing pressure with stress, stress management, stress relief, exploration of unhelpful behaviour, time management, support networks & useful tips for reducing stress in traumatic situations.

Counselling London Psychotherapy – Central London Counselling Services - Fear - Counsellor London Camden Psychotherapist
Fear

Fear is our natural emotional response caused by exposure to any present or future danger that may threaten us. Trauma arouses fear. The threat tends to be of an external nature. Living in the shadow of our fear can stop us in our tracks, our thoughts can tumble, and we can become immobilised or disorganised. Frightened, we can sometimes allow this shadow to bully us, so we don't fully live. Continuously fearing outcomes – what might happen – can be exhausting. Our fear can be seen as a sign that something in us needs attention, and the counselling & psychotherapy can explore this with you. Acknowledging your fear, we may also find out what other feeIings lay behind it. When our fear no longer saps our energy, we are more refreshed and freer to take risks.

Physical FeeIings Our muscles tense up. Our stomach can be in knots - we may have a stomach-ache or nausea. Our chest can tighten, headaches, we may excessively sweat, become dizzy, shake or tremble. Our skin may come out in a rash.

The fear we experience now may well have echoes from our past, which can be explored in the therapy. Therefore, some of us can be fearful, scared or traumatised about a present situation, which is triggered by events in our past. We may for example fear conflict or rejection (see also Conflict & Fear Of Rejection, Abandonment in relationships). We can be frightened of getting things wrong, criticism, failure, success, or being exposed. If our selfesteem is low, our fear system can get aroused. Some of us may be so attached to control, being right or winning, that they make it more important than choosing love. Our fear may manifest through our dominant or submissive behaviour. Counselling and psychotherapy explores not only the issue that the fear is related to, but also its triggers, source & the beliefs that continue to support our fears. Fear of dying can be a real concern for men & women, as can fear of living to our full potential. Therapy may also explore ways of dissolving our fears by not being so dominated by our fear system, find our way into it & through it and provide frameworks for understanding the nature of fear, loneliness & withdrawal. We may also look at concrete ways of learning how to stop scaring ourseIf.

There is nothing to fear but fear itself Franklin D. Roosevelt

Counselling Central London Psychotherapy – Anxiety Treatment - Counsellor London Camden Psychotherapist
Anxiety

Why We Get Anxious Anxiety is a normal reaction to fear. Some people report this as worry (or being worried), nerves (nervous), tension (tense), ruminating (ruminate), fretting (fret) or being on edge. We can pick up a thread of something and our thoughts can tumble into a continuous stream of thoughts. We can worry about things so much that they seem out of proportion. Anxiety is a present state emotion about future anticipated events. We can expend our energy contemplating consequences of our actions where, we tend to visualise & rehearse scenarios, imagining events as out of our control or unavoidable. We may have a regular catastrophic fantasy. These current concerns often carry historical triggers, memories of what happened before (some of them may be vague). We can also be anxious about change or not knowing things, finding it difficult to deal with pressure. The threat tends to be of an internal nature - what's happening inside us.

Many of us become anxious when we can't get our needs met. Little things can build up, so if we don't get a quick response from someone, we get anxious or may feel abandoned. Unless we are able to calm ourseIf & feeI at ease, some of us can get so tense or excited, that it can be hard to think properly, and we can lose perspective. Without our personal boundaries, e.g. saying "No, I'm not going to give this thought any more time", we can allow the anxiety to dominate us, as our preoccupation becomes our disposition. We can be in a constant internal dialogue or vicious & familiar circle of worry or negative thoughts, which in turn produce "stress" hormones of Adrenaline & Cortisol. Triggering our "fight-flight-freeze" mechanism, ancient in us all (and indeed all male & female animals), anxiety is a normal reaction to fear, which is fundamental to our survival.

• "Fight" reaction can manifest as our aggression or rage, when we are out of control or rebellious - no matter what the consequences, which can make us feeI energised & powerful and indeed seductive. Alcohol & drugs can bring this out in us even more.
• "Flight" reaction means withdrawing inside or into compensating activities. We may escape into work, bury into a book or sports & reach for comfort food, alcohol, drugs, which challenge our selfcontrol. A flight reaction can also be sinking into our depression.
• "Freeze" reaction renders us numb by blanking out, becoming forgetful & confused. We become hard to reach. As we collapse we may feel guilt, shame, depression & selfdoubt. Exhaustion can follow leading to illnesses. Some people associate chronic illness with this "freeze" reaction.

This "fight-flight-freeze" mechanism is our survival mechanism, when we are under threat, and the body's natural way of responding. Anxiety is not a physical disease, although it can affect our body (tension, sleeping, breathing, etc) & physical health, thinking, behaviour cycles, our emotional, mental & spiritual wellbeing, alongside our socialising, work, relationships, etc.

Culture Of Distraction Dwelling on things, our thoughts can go round & round, and our minds can run away with things. Our minds are not only ignition, but also a brake, and some of us may want to learn to put the breaks on, so we don't get ahead of ourseIf – stuck in our heads, maybe at the cost of not being fully present, in the moment. Putting our breaks on can help us to manage our stream of consciousness. Simply tolerating & enjoying our own company, without always being busy, can be a challenge, especially if we believe that if we stop to think, we will get panicky. We can flee from silence or a few moments of stillness & reflection, which can be threatening for some. This can be explored in therapy. Counselling & psychotherapy can help with anxiety treatment and also make time to consider our place in the world, help us have some control in how & what we think, so we are in charge, and not a slave to our incessant thoughts.

Difficulties Slowing Down & Relaxing When anxious our mind whirrs & our attention span reduces. We may become impatient. Some of us may tirelessly want to be one step ahead, as if we wind ourself up, getting into a loop, feeding our own agitation, and becoming more tense. We may keep busy overdoing things, task juggling, as our attention begins to wander. Overloaded, we may act like a hamster continuously going round the wheel. We may be in a double bind – wanting to relax & let go, yet believing if we stop & do nothing, we will get anxious. We may constantly fill up an empty gap with stimulation. Craving stimulation (electronic devices are popular diversions) we may convince ourseIves that our multitasking makes us efficient, yet we may be hop scotching by simply switching tasks as our mind flips from one thing to another. Our mind racing, we may speak a lot or can be so busy thinking what to say next that we find it hard to be present and calmly live in the moment. Some of us may even be surprised when we actually are relaxed, as if we are not supposed to be. We may find it hard to slow down, enjoy our own company as we selfreflect in our own space (see also Role Of The Unconscious).

Anxiety Overload Leading To Panic Attacks Or Anxiety Attacks Hyper-aroused & agitated, we can become like a tightly coiled spring, panicky or startled and some of us can experience panic attacks (also known as an anxiety attack), which can be frightening. Anxiety treatment can be assisted by having some tools for lowering our anxiety levels. Changing our patterns of response (what happens in our bodies, thoughts & emotions), stilling the mind, selfcalming or soothing strategies can assist, as we become bigger than the anxiety & learn to manage it. Some of us have specific habits, addictions or automatic responses (see also Role Of The Unconscious) when we are anxious, like comfort eating, pulling or plucking our hair (trichotillomania). Our anxiety could be seen as letting us know that we may have abandoned ourself. The therapy can help us explore ways of tolerating our tension & anxiety, taking care of our mind, feeIings & body. This may entail exploring ways of giving to yourself the attention, approval & acceptance you need to feel worthy, getting your own love needs met.

Counselling London Psychotherapy – Central London Counselling Services - Social Phobia - Counsellor London Camden Psychotherapist
Social Anxiety Or Phobia

Being With Others We may feel awkward, shy or uncomfortable in the company of others. Some of us have a fear of interacting with others in certain social situations, rendering us extremely anxious and this can turn to panic, especially with authority figures. Our fear is usually about being rejected or judged by others. Feeling like an outsider, there can be a tendency to isolate us (selfabandonment) rather than risk what we fear. Familiar beliefs tend to be speculations, like what if:

• People see how nervous I am
• I make a fool of myself or say something stupid
• People think I'm weird or inferior
• No one wants to speak to me
• I won't be interesting
• They know I'm embarrassed or see me blush

Increasing Our Anxiety Being over-dependent on others increases our anxiety. Those of us that get socially anxious can put pressure on us to do (and be seen to be doing) everything right, so that we are liked & accepted, and don't feel worthless. This pressure makes us anxious & unsafe. Therefore our Iife, and sense of seIf, may become determined by others liking or rejecting us – so if we are liked we are OK, but if we are not, we label us as worthless. Some of us can do our utmost to control how others think about us, trying to do everything right. This cycle causes more anxiety. We usually abandon ourself by giving others power over us, seeking their approval, acceptance, attention & sense of safety as if we can only get these from others.

Counselling & psychotherapy can help initially by finding ways for you to bring your arousal levels down. If there are concerns about emotional self-awareness, and rapport with others, the therapy can explore your capacity to connect with others. We may then look at ways you remain stuck in this cycle & other possible alternatives, how you can define your own worth & selflove, instead of making others responsible for your own sense of worth. The therapy can also explore ways in which we no longer abandon ourseIves, take responsibility for our own feelings & inner loneliness, instead of making others responsible – how we become selfempowered. These "others" tend to be figures of authority, who we desperately want to accept us. The therapy therefore explores ways of taking your own authority, slowly switching around from what you want to get from others, to what you want to give. A challenge for some may therefore be transforming avoidance of others to sharing with others our interest, attention, care or happiness.