Counselling & Psychotherapy

Counselling London Psychotherapy - Central London Counselling Services - Counsellor London Camden Psychotherapist
Our Wounds

Childhood Wounds All of us have experienced the hurt of our heart in childhood from someone’s unloving behaviour, which was too big & hard to handle for a child. We may have felt neglected, abandoned, invaded or abused. Our wounded seIf then becomes created, to help us survive. To get our love needs met we learn to adapt. For some, beliefs can set in, that we are wrong, bad, it is our fault if we are being treated unlovingly. It is as if this wounded part of us believes we are unlovable, resulting in fear & pain, as if we are a lost soul at times. This belief can continue into adulthood. Isolated as a child, we can continue to isolate as an adult. We may have learnt to avoid any painful feelings, like envy or jealousy, for protection. What once protected us, may now be a barrier, as this avoidance of our wounds as an adult may now cause our suffering. (See also Impact Of Our Past)

Adult Wounds All of us have felt wounded in our adult lives. Some of us can get easily punctured or wounded and often we have familiar triggers. Some of these wounds may never entirely go away. Many of us try to avoid feeIings, which we believe we can't manage. We may get anxious or insecure. We may turn to unhelpful habits or addictions. Our wounds may include:

• Wounded pride
• Hurt
• Disappointment
• Guilt or shame
• Emptiness
• Loneliness
• Grief, sorrow
• Heartache
• Heartbreak

Relationships Often we can attract a partner, who has a similar level of need or wound, in the hope that they meet our needs and heal our wounds. Each others' wounds can get reignited & the challenge in counselling & psychotherapy may be to find ways to heal our own wounds and meet our own unmet needs. We may also select a partner, who seems less wounded than us in the hope that they can look after us & live the perfect relationship of our dreams. Conversely, ignoring our own wounds we may believe our partner is more wounded, or carries all the wounds. Stuck in our wounded place we may try to control our partner & outcomes by believing that if we love enough, we will be loved & powerful. (See also Relationship Counselling & Marriage Guidance)

Our Behaviour Feeling bad about us – beating ourseIf up, we can blame or attack others. We can express anger in unhelpful ways. Like wounded animals under threat some of us can attack others, yet struggle to acknowledge the part of us that is wounded. Others simply withdraw, hurt or turn to unhelpful habits or addictions. Our wounded behaviours may point to the need to manage our pain or hurt differently.

Reactions FeeIings which were too hard to experience as a child, may resurface in our adulthood, and our behaviours can cover them up. When we do this, our wounded self re-emerges. We may experience our own shame or harsh judgement. Some of us may not be in touch or resent this wounded part of us. Others may be so fully in touch with their wounds, that they can't see their way out.

Struggling to accept our wounds, we tend to blame either us or others for them. We may become resentful or rageful. Any unloving or controlling behaviour we experienced, we now inflict on us & others. Our psychological wounds can affect our physical wellbeing. We may also have redundant beliefs about us & the world.

Lonely Inside Some of us may experience deep loneliness or suffer from existential angst. Counselling & psychotherapy can explore these issues with you.

Abandoning Ourself Some of us can allow our wounded part to judge, control our thoughts & actions. We may fear or even believe we are incapable of handling painful feeIings, so we can close our heart off. We can often end up treating us or others in neglectful, damaging, blaming or hurtful ways. We may have lost our sense of humour. As we compassionately experience our authentic feeIings, we are able to treat ourseIves differently. Licking our own wounds, accepting "what is", taking care of us & learning how to let go may be our greatest challenge. When we are in that wounded place it is because of our inner abandonment. Our wounded self often believes we can't handle things & may take control as we attempt to make others understand or connect with us. As we notice this, manage our wounds & take personal responsibility rather than blame us or others, we are emotionally freer. Our intention can shift from that of protection against pain to willingness to learn & find new ways of managing our pain & hurt.

Managing Our Pain Back Then & Now When we were younger we may have felt overwhelmed by painful experiences. People may have treated us badly, they may have left or died, we may have felt lonely or scared. Back then we developed ways of managing our pain (maybe copying how others tried to cope), so we could survive with the limited tools we had available. The systems for managing our pain became our way of coping. However these ways may have included our judgement, blame, shame, guilt or control. And our ways of coping back then may not be working for us so well now if we are miserable or empty inside (see also Impact Of Our Past). Counselling & psychotherapy can help us explore ways of letting go or managing our old wounds & pain now, with our sense of calm & compassion.