Counselling & Psychotherapy

Counselling London Psychotherapy Camden
Counselling & Psychotherapy As A Container

Counselling and psychotherapy can be like "a container" when our emotions seem difficult to contain. Therapy can help explore ways of tolerating any frustration, tension or anxiety.

Counselling London Psychotherapy Camden
The Therapeutic Relationship – How You & I Relate

Psychotherapy & counselling is a co-operative relationship in which mutual respect, shared responsibility and trust are essential. Entering counselling or psychotherapy provides the opportunity to talk & think collaboratively together about your situation and what level of help might be needed. Alongside the issues you bring, counselling & psychotherapy also provides a space for you to be heard, take stock of your l i f e, and wonder about what your l i f e means & what may be emerging for you.

Tools & techniques can be offered & are useful, yet are often insufficient. Understanding o u r s e l v e s is usually not enough - we need to be willing to fully experience o u r s e l v e s, be in touch with all of who we are, f e e l i n g solid & real. The therapy can support you in this integration.

How the therapist experiences you in the therapy, is often a reflection of how you are experienced by others out in the world - and we can explore this.

Counselling London Psychotherapy Camden
Relationships With Others, The Wider World & Indeed o u r s e l v e s

Counselling & psychotherapy can help us f e e l more in tune with o u r s e l v e s & others. Therapy can offer guidance in managing & resolving conflict, solving problems & troubled relationships. Some relationships work better than others. Everyone, universally, has some ingrained ways of relating, so in a sense the focus of counselling is always about relationships with:

• Our partner (see Relationship Counselling & Marriage Guidance)
• Others - parents, siblings, children, friends, peers, acquaintances, work colleagues, authority
• Things & Objects - our virtual relationships, e.g. the computer & internet, work, alcohol, etc., which, when excessive, adversely affect our time & energy in developing fulfilling relationships with real people, or indeed our s e l f ...
• Yourself - your internal relationship, the relationship you have with yourself - how well you understand & manage your own f e e l i n g s, emotions & l i f e ... (see also S e l f-Responsibility)

Counselling London Psychotherapy Camden
Emotional Self-Awareness

Throughout the process of therapy we can explore your emotional l i f e

• Recognising & knowing your emotions (your awareness)
• Managing emotions – taking responsibility for them (your empowerment)
• Expressing your emotions (your expression)
• Sources of motivation (thoughts, f e e l i n g s, will)
• Recognising emotions in others (interpersonal skills)
• Being in relationships (social skills)
• Building rapport, empathy & connection with others (social skills)
• Awareness of your impact upon others (social skills)

Counselling London Psychotherapy Camden
How We See The World

We all interpret the same events differently. The process of counselling & psychotherapy explores the way we look at the world around us and o u r s e l v e s in it. There may be something you want that's not working; how you see yourself getting there and the journey itself may also be important.

We may also explore your perceptions, perspectives, belief systems, any expectations, assumptions & conclusions.

Counselling London Psychotherapy Camden
Finding Our Way Through Difficulties & Old Beliefs

The therapy process includes integrating aspects of o u r s e l v e s, which we might find difficult or unacceptable. These aspects may include unwanted f e e l i n g s, parts of our personality or our beliefs. We may therefore also explore the promises we made to o u r s e l v e s, we have held on to or continue to be loyal to, including the beliefs that are precious to us. These may also include beliefs like "I'm not supposed to have needs", "I should...", "I must always...", "I should know" & "Not knowing is unacceptable", that "Feeling vulnerable is a weakness" or "Dark & chaotic moments must be avoided". It is often that somewhere within these difficulties themselves, are pointers to solutions & as we find our way through them, we are able to liberate o u r s e l v e s from their binds.

Creativity, like human l i f e, begins in darkness Julia Cameron

Counselling London Psychotherapy Camden
Developing Fundamental Life Skills

Some people may want to explore or focus on specific areas of concern. Counselling & psychotherapy can help with this. Examples include:

• Decision making
• Critical thinking
• Ways of relaxing
• Expressing & containing emotions
• Being creative
• Other...

Counselling London Psychotherapy Camden
Tool Kit

During the therapy process, you may prefer a listening ear, understanding & gentle guidance. You may also be seeking tools or a structured programme to help you with aspects of you & your personality. The counselling & psychotherapy can work with what troubles you, the different parts of your l i f e in detail and your l i f e as a whole.

Counselling London Psychotherapy Camden
Life Re-Appraisal - Our Internal Resources

A l i f e re-appraisal or audit can be offered. We can explore your external & internal support systems - a bit like a personal MOT, including how you do & don't take care of yourself & get your needs met - what does & doesn't help. These resources may enrich your l i f e, support you in understanding (and make meaning of) your experiences & overcoming inevitable setbacks & adversity.

The therapy process can include exploration of how we get our primary needs met, by looking at:

• Taking Stock Of Our L i f e
  • Where you are now, your influences
  • What you've achieved & what matters now
  • Your habitual behaviours & choices
  • How you express & contain your f e e l i n g s
  • Your emotional connection with others
  • Whether you f e e l needed by others
  • What motivates you
  • What gives you meaning, status & a role
  • What you really want – what's most important & the steps you take in getting there
  • What might your challenges & resistances be
• Our Support Systems
  • Whether you are living & working in an environment where your basic needs are met
  • How you get your basic needs met - how you give & receive care, love
  • Your values & how you fully live them
  • How you make worthwhile commitments
  • How you connect & live your own purpose & direction
  • Your range of coping mechanisms & support systems, including if things go wrong
  • How you manage adversities, suffering
  • Alternative ways of responding to difficulties
  • How you adjust & your flexibility
  • What helps & what doesn't help
  • How resilient you are & able to soothe yourself
  • How you f e e l a sense of control
  • What helps you relax
  • Doing pleasurable, challenging, satisfying & rewarding activities that stimulate the brain & stretch you
  • How else you stretch yourself
  • What you enjoy & what your most important experiences are
  • Interest sharing - f e e l i n g connected to something larger than o u r s e l v e s, e.g. sport, passionate interests, music, art, nature, family, friendships, spirituality, religion ...
  • How you utilise your good qualities, strengths, abilities & personal skills
  • What you appreciate & are grateful for
• Our Future Aspirations
  • How you can achieve realistic goals - the options, choices & actions necessary
  • Whether your l i f e direction gets you closer to where you intend
  • Your creative & imaginative options
  • What you believe is possible
  • What your next steps might be

Counselling London Psychotherapy Camden
Releasing O u r s e l v e s & Letting Go

Introduction We all hold on to things which no longer work (e.g. the heartbreak of a relationship, resentments, control, grief, etc.), which cause tensions. Some of us view our body, f e e l i n g s & mind, as separate entities, yet they are intrinsically linked. So when we let go of tension in one area, it affects the tension in other areas. In the therapy I pay attention to your thoughts & emotions, alongside your physical f e e l i n g s - what's happening in your body. Psychotherapy & counselling therefore explores & supports you in any pain or tension you are willing to release & let go of physically, mentally & emotionally. Often we personally know when the time is right to let go of something, that we don't have to struggle unnecessarily anymore. These may include:

• Our Past (see also Impact Of Our Past)
  • Releasing the binds & bonds from our past
  • Redundant l i f e patterns
  • Sore spots, old wounds, resentments
  • Hurt & pain
  • Things we hold on to, which no longer help
  • Past grief
• Our Bodies
  • Tension & tightness in our bodies
  • Emotional release
• Feelings, Thoughts & Beliefs (see also Our Thoughts & Beliefs)
  • Living in our head, need to know everything (see Not Knowing)
  • Fear, anxiety, anger, depression, disappointment
  • Preoccupation with future scenarios, or worries from the past
  • Constantly searching for answers
  • Limiting assumptions, meanings & conclusions
  • Feeling & thinking in limiting ways
  • Redundant beliefs (e.g. "It must be perfect")
  • Sacred cows, which inhibit us
  • Negative, distortive, irrational or unhelpful thoughts
  • Attachment to outcomes
  • Control what we are powerless to
  • Fixed beliefs, e.g. we are bad, unlovable, what "should be"
  • Loneliness
• The Way We Behave (see also How We Behave)
  • Redundant learnt behaviour
  • Unhelpful ways of behaving
  • Our maintaining cycles - what we keep doing to o u r s e l v e s
  • Old patterns of suffering
  • Old roles, struggles we are willing to let go of
  • Traits, attitudes which limits us
  • Unwanted habits or addictions

Old Roles, Fixed Identifications Some of us can be overly identified, or focused on one specific area of our l i f e, e.g. a specific role, f e e l i n g, desire, need, thought, belief – so one of these may dominate at the exclusion of others. We may also have a s e l f-image (e.g. our wounded s e l f, people pleaser, a s e l f-critic, our own inner judge, or a saviour of others) that no longer helps, or doesn’t do justice to all of who we are. Counselling and psychotherapy can help us integrate of all aspects of us.

Mourning Our Losses Our grief & loss can be experienced in many forms. Loss of: power, control, identity, interests, betrayals, rejections, love, friendships & relationships, endings, unfinished business. Being openheartedly able to forgive o u r s e l v e s or others may be a need.

Existential Grief Our existential grief, loss & letting go may include: what was in our l i f e or what might have been, regrets - wishing we had done more, letting go of a stage of l i f e, our mortality, deep sadness of what we believed mattered, yet no longer does. We may f e e l this grief right to our core. Counselling & psychotherapy can help us find our way through this challenging phase. (See also Existential Concerns)

As we let go to what we have been holding on to, we have the potential to be more open in our mind, body & heart. Some people experience this release as being in touch with their spiritual side - in touch with their deepest sense of S e l f. Others report that by letting go they f e e l more alive, present, accepting of "what is" & freer to live their lives now - in the moment. We may experience some courage, clarity, compassion, receptivity or curiosity. We may f e e l more attuned with our s e l f & others, empathic, responsive, able to trust l i f e, f e e l separate yet also connected, open, strong, whole & other qualities. This state of presence, experiencing things as they happen, can be described as being in touch with our free will. As we let go our resilience & personal boundaries can support us.

Counselling London Psychotherapy Camden
Our Free Will

Our l i f e is not merely determined by our history. It is also s e l f-determined through our free will, and it is this sense of s e l f (with the ability to s e l f observe and act in the world) inherent in us all, that I value & work with in therapy. (See also Releasing O u r s e l v e s & Letting Go)

Counselling London Psychotherapy Camden
Personal Freedom

For some the process of therapy is successful when we are freer to choose, living our lives less automatically, accessing our own strengths & skills, clarity of thought, autonomy, free will and inner wisdom, living a more fulfilling l i f e in healthy relationships with others. (See also Releasing O u r s e l v e s & Letting Go)

Counselling London Psychotherapy Camden
Role Of The Unconscious - "The Yet To Be Revealed"

Introduction Throughout l i f e we shift states between being connected with o u r s e l v e s - conscious, and then not connected - unconscious. Counselling & psychotherapy can help us to connect up our disconnections. Some people experience this like flipping a switch - from f e e l i n g cut off to being connected, others experience a more gradual process. It is as if we are aware of o u r s e l v e s - who we are, what we are doing & experiencing in some moments, yet other times not. We tend to be more conscious of our s e l f in times of change, when we are having a crisis, at a turning point, or when we need to make important choices. When we, or a loved one, are seriously ill, or someone has died, it is often experienced as a wake-up call - we can become aware of our own existence, separateness, preciousness of l i f e & consciousness. Also, when we are left behind, singled out or f e e l in a minority, this too can trigger our sense of consciousness.

Stream Of Consciousness When we wake up in the morning, it is as if our mind ignites and we begin to internally talk to o u r s e l v e s. We may have recognised last night's dream, or quickly turn to reflecting on yesterday's events or today's plans. We experience some likes & dislikes, moods, f e e l i n g s & thoughts, etc. This process happens throughout the day, some experiences we are aware of, and others not. We all have levels of consciousness.

Self-Reflective Most of us can recall moments of saying something like "I found myself thinking ........." or "I was watching it happen". We all have reflective moments - maybe through long distance travel or even in the bath, or on the park bench - listening & connecting to o u r s e l v e s, whereas other times we are out of touch with o u r s e l v e s. This observing part of o u r s e l v e s, who watches over us, can be experienced as being more conscious than the part of us that is unable to reflect, or realise what we are in touch with. The therapy can help enable us to become more in touch, conscious of o u r s e l v e s and those around us.

The Realm of the Unconscious The way we see the world is limited to our consciousness. Most of what we do is not controlled by our conscious mind. We have unconscious thoughts, beliefs, f e e l i n g s & behaviours. We all send & receive messages to o u r s e l v e s, most of which we are not aware of or come in coded forms. We also unconsciously receive messages & stimulus to & from others, which influences our thinking, and in turn affects our beliefs, f e e l i n g s & actions. Advertisers know this unconscious programming (and coded forms) well. As we become more s e l f-aware and less pre-programmed, we can change our previously unrecognised responses, living less automatically, and f e e l i n g more alive, "in the moment" (See also Releasing O u r s e l v e s & Letting Go). Some people report this experience of becoming more conscious as a gradual awakening & a sense of their own "presence" and that of others.

Conscious & Unconscious Intentions We all have conscious & unconscious intentions, which we also bring along to the therapy. This can be explored in counselling or psychotherapy.

Listening To The Evolving Unconscious You may have reached a stage in your l i f e, where the difficulties you have ignored now need attention. Often deep down, we know the real underlying concerns we need to address, yet sometimes we don't until they unravel & reveal themselves over time, or during the process of therapy. Some of our initial issues we come with may be familiar to us & have lifelong patterns, as if their messages carry echoes from our past, reverberating into our future. My role also includes facilitating space to listen to & wonder what might be communicated beyond your presenting issue - this can be discovered together in the therapy process.

Underlying Symptoms It is common for people to come to therapy with a range of issues - those of a more immediate nature alongside underlying concerns, indicating that emerging unconscious issues also need attention. At some point during the therapy process we may discover that we have very different needs to the ones we thought we had at the beginning. Issues we bring to counselling & psychotherapy may carry messages - pointers, which may be a wake up call or turning point for us - our unconscious side (unknown, to be discovered aspects of o u r s e l v e s). The process of therapy from this perspective views our issues also as symptoms, which need paying attention to. In therapy there is an opportunity, for both of us, to wonder together about the meaning of any difficult or painful events, and what might need to be learnt, healed or integrated.

What We Ignore In o u r s e l v e s We all tend to overlook or ignore aspects of our personality - maybe our sense of our body, certain f e e l i n g s or emotions, some of our thoughts & creative imagination, aspects of our sexuality or our spiritual side. The therapy may include exploration of how aware & alive we are in our bodies, how we notice & utilise our mind, how we experience & express our range of f e e l i n g s, as well as aspects of our sexuality & sense of the spiritual - whatever this means to us.

Impact Of The Unconscious Our unconscious impacts on us when we are both asleep (e.g. dreaming) & awake (e.g. our imagination). Some aspects or parts of o u r s e l v e s go unnoticed, and take time to percolate into to our consciousness. Losing our sense of time, because we are so engrossed or engaged in an activity, waking up in the morning & drifting off to sleep at night are experiences of movements of consciousness. Psychotherapy can help shed light on your unconscious thoughts.

Consciousness Follows Experience Through our actions we have an experience, which creates more consciousness. These experiences present us with an opportunity to reflect. This inner-reflection can highlight aspects of us that now need paying attention to, which we have previously been unaware of. The therapy can help with our unfolding consciousness.

Unconscious Reactions Often when we are in fast reaction ("I found myself..."), we may not be aware of our conscious intentions or struggle to think straight. As we slow things down & reflect it may become clearer to us which part of us inside was in reaction.

Evolving Consciousness Our consciousness evolves, for example, looking back on our childhood we become aware of how we often unconsciously reacted, and often become aware of this much later. Back then we weren't as wise as we are now. When we were younger, the child in us was not conscious, and although we are more conscious now, the child inside us may remain largely unconscious. At times we live as adults through our unconscious child, who can't fully remember their past, yet repeats it in adulthood (often experiences, which we were unable to integrate and didn't seem to make sense back then). Like evolving wisdom this process of knowing (consciousness) and not knowing (the unconscious), does not stop when we reach adulthood. We have all slipped into ways of behaving, that we have regretted. It's only after hindsight & reflection that we realise that we could have chosen a different path. We can be wiser after the event. This new wisdom may be about our evolving consciousness. For example parents only learn how to be parents, by being parents, and they are much wiser (conscious) after the event. As we become aware of how we have been seeing the world and o u r s e l v e s, our consciousness evolves. Some people report evolving consciousness as knowing a little more about o u r s e l v e s today than we did yesterday, as our continuous interactions with everything that happens around us creates continuous meanings. Some of these meanings we create consciously, and others unconsciously, yet both influence our actions. As we become more conscious, we may question what's important to us & our priorities may change. The psychotherapy explores how you think & f e e l, what matters to you, the conscious (known) & unconscious (unknown) parts of yourself.

Integrating What We Ignore Throughout our lives we are in a process of becoming more conscious. The psychotherapy may take into account, and help integrate, what might be emerging from hidden dimensions of o u r s e l v e s - our overlooked unconscious aspects, things we keep at the back of our mind that we may not be aware of and our "shadow". (Our "shadow" is what we repress, and don't own, in o u r s e l v e s, usually because it is unacceptable. This "dark side" includes our instincts, any depression, anxiety, anger, alongside our spontaneity, creativity, love.) This integration of what we ignore may deepen and enrich our lives.

Source Of Our Motivation As the world impacts on us (we have experiences) - if we act unconsciously, we are reacting, and our will is unconscious. As we act, not caught in reaction, our will is conscious. In order to bring about change, I also aim to understand what lies behind your current difficulties, paying attention to your will or resolve (source of motivation) - in both its conscious & unconscious form. Important decisions we make are often not conscious ones. When these unconscious motivational forces (our will) are evoked we react in unaware ways, almost blindly. Some people describe the will as the opposite to inertia.

Fresh Insights The psychotherapy may therefore explore your awareness (of the source of your motivations) and help to determine your conscious & unconscious choices & decisions. Who inside of us, and what exactly is driving us, can be important enquiry for some. Fresh insights & challenges may emerge in how you take responsibility, so you live the l i f e you consciously choose.

Bridge Between The Unconscious (Unknown) & Conscious (Known) Our conscious s e l f can't know about our unconscious s e l f (nor can our unconscious know our unconscious), so my role as a therapist is not only to listen to what you are saying literally, but also to explore how you also communicate through your imagination, dreams, fantasies, symbols, words, metaphors, etc., as a means of finding out more about you, as your experience of consciousness unfolds.

Consciousness Beyond Us Some people may want to explore not only their personal consciousness, but also consciousness beyond themselves – what's foreground & what's background (for details see Living To Our Full Potential).