Counselling & Psychotherapy

Counselling London Psychotherapy, Existential Crisis, Existential Angst, Midlife Crisis, Existential Therapy & Existential Anxiety
Existential Counselling

Existential Anxiety In a world that is never certain, secure & not always predictable, this brings up existential anxiety. We are presented with challenges, how to respond (e.g. become fearful, embracing or choose not to think about it) & understand this, which can impact upon the sense of our very existence. Existential anxiety can be seen as a human given - a daily struggle at some level, inevitable, unavoidable, universal in us all, normal - not to be "removed, resolved or cured". Our existential anxiety can be seen as our recognition that we are free with all its possibilities, yet limitations, awareness of our inescapable death. Being with others & inhabiting our body are also existential givens, which can't be avoided. Our existential anxiety can promote our growth, be instructive as we learn our response to it, addressing the paradoxical nature of our existence - the experience that we are, which precedes & runs deeper than what we are - our essence. What we are can be considered as the givens of our existence, which are not negotiable, like our genes, gender, race, culture, family background, even our name. Taking personal responsibility for our existential anxiety is anxiety provoking in itself. We can come up against overlapping existential dilemmas through:

• Our physical experience, which relates to the material world that surrounds us, our body, health, with a dilemma of how we can fully live, when we could die any moment
• Our psychological aspects, which is about how we see us, the impact of our past, our future possibilities. Our dilemma here may be about "how can I be me", free and vulnerable, responsible & powerful without knowing all the answers?
• Our social considerations. Our dilemma here may be what role other people have, how we can be both an individual, separate, yet part of the wider world, whole.
• Our spiritual realm. Our existential dilemma here may be responding to an external value system, and a more meaningful value system of our own. We may question how we should live.

Our Direction & Existential Concerns We may be in genuine despair, regret or anger, a sense of deep sorrow, grief or pain for both us & the world, and these experiences may be of an existential nature - what has been called existential anxiety. Some people report these emotions like a kind of lamenting, wailing of the soul. A cliche for some, yet very real for others, is the experience of midlife crisis or sense of everything passing by, as we seek a different or new purpose, which is meaningful to us. Not really in the right place, we may want to change our life direction, or have our "old Iife" back, yet recognise things won't be quite the same again. We may be in touch with a suffering & love, which is beyond what's personal just to us. Whether to be authentic or inauthentic, moment by moment may be a further challenge. These less tangible challenges can also be explored in psychotherapy & counselling. (See also Connecting To Our Own Inner Direction)

Something Missing Despite friends & family, at some point, men & women can experience the stark realisation that we are alone, yet free, which may provoke our unease & anxiety. We may be suffering inside from both the limitations & possibilities of the transitory nature of life. "How did I get here?", "Is this it?" – we may wonder. "Why bother?" may be another concern. This experience can trigger existential crisis. Some people call this existential angst or midlife crisis or what has been described as existential boredom. We can invest our time, energy & passion on external factors, entertainment or material things, yet we may have neglected our very core - our inner being. Most of us have experienced those lonely times, as if we are an outsider. Yet they can also offer us the opportunity for looking inside ourseIf, reflecting on the world and us in it. Despite what we have in life, something can be missing for us, that we can't put our finger on. We may be helpless or heartbroken, yet not know fully why. We may be sad that nothing seems to matter anymore. Our sadness may be of a universal nature. We may be tearful and moved, yet not depressed. We may have a sense that our "old show" is over, struggling with a new phase of life. We may have regrets, wishing we had done more, or for what might have been. It can dawn on us that there is more to Iife than what's happening to us at the moment. We may have less tangible, yet important "meaning of life" concerns, with little relevance to our past, wondering what is this all about, or struggle to reconcile Iife's big questions. Alone or lonely inside, we may be at a crossroads, or turning point, in which old ways of responding no longer work, as we experience mid-life crisis or existential angst (sometimes called male midlife crisis or female mid-life crisis). Getting older can bring us up against our own existential issues.

Being Restless Yet Not Knowing Why Our sense of worth may be based upon what we do & what we have, without valuing who we are and what we really feeI. We can be successful, creative or be rewarded in some aspects (maybe our relationships, work or business, where we may be a high achiever, at the top of our profession), yet unfulfilled at a deeper level. Rich in terms of wealth, we may feel impoverished and in our pursuit for wealth we may be deeply unhappy, or alienated, as if our soul is restless. We could be very busy, rushing or chasing things - constantly distracted, yet life appreciation may be missing. We may have lost our focus or purpose. Our relationships may seem hollow. We may be empty or alone in the world, even when surrounded by people, and some of us may turn to unhelpful habits or addictions. In some sort of existential depression, we may long to create a new way of being and seeing in the world. Some of our concerns may therefore be of an existential nature (what some people call existential uncertainty or existential insecurity), and we may seek existential therapy.

Existential Despair We may classify our despair as a weakness or simply being anxious or lost, yet our despair or despondency may also be about coming to terms with something intangible. Our despair can be as if we are unfulfilled from the depths of our soul. We may at times experience a sense of pointlessness, meaninglessness, yet a longing as we question "What am I doing?" or "What am I here for?". No longer comfortable on our dependence to worldly things external to us, we can become despairing. This uncomfortable or familiar despair (disappointment or cynicism) that we experience may also point to a sense of waste as we struggle to be all of who we are – our true worth, living as a free individual. Balancing competing dilemmas & expectations inside us & out there in the world, is not easy. We may lose hope & be in existential despair, because we are not being the person who we truly are. And the more conscious we become of this, the more intense is our despair. We may be holding on to existential nihilism, that nothing matters, life has no meaning or value, so loss or grief make no difference. For some our despair & faith may be elusive, as it comes & goes. Strong inside, we may become defiant or choose to avoid our existential despair through pleasures, habits or addictions, yet it doesn't quite disappear. It is as if our sense of existence (that we are in this world) is evolving. The experience of existential despair may not entirely be able to be taken away. Our challenge may be learning to live with our existential despair. Our existential challenges may include: how to be strong - able to tolerate existential insecurity or uncertainty, to be able to allow this or surrender, willing to be all of who we are. Counselling & psychotherapy can be a space to mull over these important concerns, as we get in touch with what we want, our commitment & values.

Existential Guilt Along our existential journey we may experience existential guilt in not taking responsibility for our own life, struggling to become the person we have the capacity to become.

Existential Counselling Some of the emptiness, loneliness, disappointment, disillusionment, frustration, disconnection, alienation, separation, anger or depression we experience may be of an existential nature, as too may our grief, loss, sense of pointlessness or alienation - the very dilemmas of being human. This existential angst, or indeed existential crisis can be reflected upon in the therapy. We may be in touch with our helplessness over others & external events. We may fear death or dying, or come up against our own mortality. Confronted by existential realities, the impermanency or preciousness of our life may seem meaningless, and we may experience a crisis of identity. What's preordained, or our destiny, may be troubling us, so we may be questioning not only what we may be calling for, but also what may be called of us (See also Living To Our Full Potential). How can we embrace our existential experiences, yet be free, grow, respond to the life we have and reduce our existential anxiety, may be our challenge. A further challenge may be taking responsibility for our existential angst, experiencing it, not just understanding it. The therapy here may also include rumination, or deep conversations together, about Iife, longing & its meaning, regret, loss & grief (see Existential Grief), love, values, paradox & our very existence, with its accompanying fragility. We may be asking what is left for us, what inspires us. Letting go of something maybe a need for some. Others may want to explore how is it that they are alone, yet also connected & inseparable from others. Experiencing deep sorrow (existential depression), or a stirring, some may be in touch with their compassion, longing & yearning, and this too can be shared in the existential therapy. Questioning what our Iife means may nudge us towards spiritual enquiry. Therefore you may also want to include your spiritual or religious life or enquiry as a part of existential therapy.