Counselling & Psychotherapy

Counselling London, Overcoming Procrastination, Procrastination Help, Procrastination Behaviour, Counsellor London Psychotherapist
Procrastination, Deciding, Acting

Procrastination Rushing in & doing things straight away might not always be wise. Taking time to reflect & think about the consequences can have benefits, as can good planning, yet our thinking can go round & round in circles and we can become anxious, fearful, get stuck or go blank (see Stuck further below). Indecision may follow if we don't act. Whether we have trouble starting things or finishing things, procrastination can be debilitating or paralysing at times. When we over-think, or worry, our energy drains, we may lose our impetus, not really live the way we would like to. We allow our often good intentions to get sabotaged. We can even make up our mind to do something, and a gap appears, where things may become daunting. And in this gap we may become reluctant, reticent, hold back, stay behind, saying "Not just now, I'll do it later". And when we keep putting things off, don't start things, we may make our excuses, look for something to blame or feel guilty. Our procrastination can affect our life progression, work, friendships & relationships.

Procrastinating & Putting Things Off We may get into a habit of putting things off for as long as possible. Putting off sleep may also be a concern for some. Not only do our actions have consequences, so too do our inactions. You may seek procrastination help now, because it's blighted you for long enough. For some we can be OK in certain situations, e.g. work, yet not in our personal life. "I'll just wait till ...", "I'll do it later" or "When the time is right" may be our familiar mantras. We will put things off under our illusion that they will get done some day, yet small things pile up & accumulate (e.g. opening & responding to mail, making important decisions). Inside we can be in a tug of war, which affects our ability to make choices or decisions. Over thinking, we can imagine outstanding tasks much bigger than they are, which can become onerous & overwhelming for us. Depleted, most of energy can be expended on thinking of the daunting consequences of our actions, rather than acting. (Ironically, our thinking, stressing, procrastinating & doubting time may well exceed the time it takes to complete many tasks.) The small things we have put off in the hope that they might go away, may have become bigger. And if we do start things it might be too late or we may fall back to our familiar place of not finishing them. We may also secretly hope people value us more for being indispensable. Most of us don't like doing stressful or unpleasant tasks, and we would like to avoid them forever by choosing pleasurable tasks and having fun. Some of us even put off doing pleasurable things. Despite our procrastination, many of us know exactly what we need to do, that when it comes down to it, we have the capacity to be fully engaged and do what we need to do. Counselling & psychotherapy can help go into your own procrastination issues and ways of overcoming them.

Triggers For Our Procrastination

• A habit - that's what we've always done and we always will
• Certain parts of the day (which can end up becoming the whole day)
• Making things unreachable, too important, or putting things on a pedestal
• Certain tasks, events
• How we receive & interpret things in a certain way
• How dare the outside world try to control me (so I may become passive aggressive by procrastinating)
• The belief that we have to oppose everything

Benefits Of Procrastination Our procrastination problem can go back years. Our procrastination helps us detour around things and be vague. Procrastination allows us to see both sides of the fence. It is our seductive friend, enabling us not to deal with difficult people or chores. We can imagine our "to do list" far out of our mind, as if doesn't exist. It doesn't threaten us. If we ignore things, we can be free of worry with temporary relief, and at ease. Procrastination is our familiar comfort zone, yet can be experienced as an altered state of our reality. We know how to do our procrastination well. We don't have to face the fear of making decisions. No one will tell us what we should do, and when to do it (not even us). Our procrastination can give us the illusion of safety. Fearing failure (or success) we don't have to take risks or responsibility.

Beliefs & Behaviours Procrastination is a behaviour – an action & can become our automatic response - a reaction. At the beginning of the day we may believe we will not fall into our old habit, yet we can fall back into our familiar ways of procrastinating, so we don't feel challenged or scared. Beliefs about us, some of them originating from our past, may limit our motivation, choices or ability to complete things. We may also have expectations about how things are supposed to be. Our negative thoughts & beliefs, alongside our emotional reactions (e.g. "I hate doing this"), contribute towards our procrastination. We will do anything else - any distraction - however small, apart from the one thing that we should do or need to do. These can then pile up. We may become overwhelmed & immobilised with so much to do and little time to do it in. We may make what we want to do or where we want to be so huge that it becomes daunting. Some of us may rush on - full speed ahead, and then collapse, procrastinate until our energy returns. We may regret saying yes to things, starting things, because we lose our focus, dedication & passion. The procrastinator inside of us may tell themselves or others:

• I'll get round to it, as soon as ... (yet we don't).
• I'll just finish other pressing tasks first (yet these tasks may also not get done).
• I'll do it later, when my mood is more creative.
• I can't deal with this now, I'm too busy, I'll start it tomorrow.
• I didn't find the time.
• I forgot.
• It's bound to be unpleasant.
• I will go silent.
• What's the point? I won't finish it anyway.
• He or she is not telling me what to do, so I'm not going to do it.
• I'm not as uptight as you are.
• I'll just do the fun & interesting things first.
• I'll become disorganised, so I can't work out where to start.
• Even if I did it, it won't turn out the way I want.
• Will I do it right?
• It doesn't feel right.
• There is more to life than working, doing this unpleasant thing.
• I don't know what to do.
• Half-heartedly agreeing to do something or saying "I know" yet not doing it
• The demands, uncertainties & responsibilities are too much.
• I'm lazy, stupid, irresponsible, worthless & uncaring.
• I'm not lazy, I just prefer to enjoy things.
• I'll distract myself by keeping busy or preoccupied.
• I am unable to get over past disappointments.
• It's bound to be disappointing.

Procrastination - Our Response To Others If our procrastination is spotted by others, we may try to distract them by changing the subject or laugh it off. We may find ways for others to lower their expectations of us, or get them do things for us. We may have developed ways of charming them, and when this doesn't work, we are at a loss. Struggling to be direct, we can become well practised in negotiating for more time, apologising, bending the truth (or even lying at times) & avoiding tasks to get us out of sticky situations. We may struggle to respond directly to people's messages, or doing things we said we would, and the later we leave it, the harder it is to get back to them. We can then feel worse. Sometimes our procrastination problem may be connected to directly saying "No", rather than find ways round this (see also The People Pleaser Or Pacifier). We may say we will do things or have done things when we haven't. We may continue to apologise, yet our procrastination continues. When it comes to changing something about us, or putting something into action, we may not only experience internal conflicts (what happens inside us), but also fear conflict with others.

Pushing, Breaking Deadlines Doing things the last minute can have advantages, as it can help us focus & be creative. Yet completing things by the skin of our teeth may not always be our preferred way. Believing we have more time, we may usually be late for things, push or break deadlines, trying to squeeze a bit more into doing things the last minute. "What can I get away with?" may be our way of thinking. Having a deadline may fill us with apprehension or dread, which can immobilise us. Whatever deadline we are given, we may always try to push it out or break it. It is as if we can't bear having to do things, being given deadlines (we may sometimes view & respond to them as ultimatums), that anything we are compelled to do, we have to react or rebel against. Sometimes, certain events or external elements, may force us to act. We may only finish things because we have to do it, based on externally imposed time scales. We may struggle to put our own time structures into place, find our motivation or ways to complete things when it suits us. Our actions & non-actions may inconvenience, frustrate & disrespect us & others. "Why prepare, when I can do things the last minute" may be our response.

Lateness, Doing Things The Last Minute Some of us may struggle to complete things in our own good time, and end up rushing the last minute. And just as we are about to go, we may find something - some distraction, however small, because we find it hard to leave. Being late for most things can add to our stress, which could be compounded if we become chaotic, disorganised, and struggle to create order (see also Our Resilience, Hardiness & Protecting Our Personal Boundaries). We would like to believe we have more time than we do, and get surprised or panicky when time catches up with us. We may have constant feeling of running out of time, which makes us anxious or overwhelmed. (Some of us may put the time forward on our clock in the hope that this gives us more time.) Being late for things may have become our habit. Sometimes we can tap in to what springs us into action & gives us energy, yet our usual pattern may be different. We may struggle to plan, allow time to prepare (building in time for delays), including getting up on time in order to be punctual. Taking things to brinkmanship, we would rather not make a choice or act, and if we do, it may be at the last minute, or forced upon us by external circumstances. Getting off to bed early at night, or getting up in the morning, may be difficult for us (see also Sleep Problems, Insomnia). Counselling for lateness can be offered. Control may also be important to us, yet a part of us may feel out of control. It can be as if we have abandoned our self, which can be explored in counselling & psychotherapy.

Commitment Problems Worrying about scenarios - usually worse case ones, can stop us committing. We may have problems making, keeping appointments. We can initially be optimistic about things, yet this dwindles. Some of us may struggle either making appointments or honour appointments already made, letting us or others down. We may like to keep all our options open - right to the last minute, so we can tell ourselves "we have the freedom of not being trapped" and "we are bad at making decisions", "we are lazy". We may only want to think in the short term, and not about our future. Our hope may be in short supply. And besides, we we like our familiar, risk free comfort zone, we don't want to hurt others or us, avoiding conflict at all costs. Committing to keeping appointments or making them may be one struggle, and a further struggle may be to do what we said we were going to do. Our commitment issues may not only affect our progression, our work, our friendships but also career decisions. We may also have commitment problems in relationships.

Guilt & Loathing Often we can feel guilty because we have let us & others down. We may have agreed to do something, but haven't done it. Sometimes our guilt in putting something off can be just as unpleasant as our dread for doing a task. Viewing what we need to do as a chore, possibly tedious or mundane (forgetting the bigger picture of why it is important and what we value) can stop us in our tracks. We may also forget that doing & completing tasks themselves can be rewarding. Worried what we have to face, we may loathe who we are, criticising our actions or inactions. Hating what we've done or haven't done, we may feel like hiding in a corner & giving up. We may also feel guilty when we are enjoying ourselves, relaxing, because we end up worrying about things we haven't done. Our guilt & dread may weigh us down, and be a heavy burden to carry, preventing us from doing things. Finding inspiration may be a struggle. (See also Guilt & Shame)

Sitting On A Fence We can be comfortable sitting on the fence, as if we are doing nothing. We may even believe we won't have an impact if we don't decide something. We may enjoy the detachment from sitting on the fence. Fence sitting allows us to sit both sides, yet we may find it hard to come off the fence ourself & be proactive, unless we are pushed. Choosing to come off the fence may be challenging.

Showing We Care Some of us try so hard, care so much, yet are trapped. Others may find it hard to show that we actually do care, continuing to maintain a laissez faire attitude, which masks what's really going inside.

Procrastination Help After a while we may realise that our procrastination doesn't get us where we want to. When we procrastinate, it can seem as if we are coasting, drifting, switching off, hiding & withdrawing – our confidence & esteem can plummet, as we compare ourselves unfavourably with others. We may judge us as a coward or stupid, whereas in fact we may struggle with finding a way through being anxious. Becoming overwhelmed, we may be stuck in our head or develop "all or nothing" thinking (e.g. right/wrong, good/bad), which stops us. We may turn any anger inwards or onto others. Dawdling, avoidance, putting things off & cancelling things may not only affect us, but others around us, letting people down or backing out of things. Our procrastination may also affect our relationships. People may end up giving us ultimatums. We may feel powerless to change and may feel like a victim. Counselling & Psychotherapy can help with overcoming procrastination, deciding, acting and completing things. The counselling may also allow for your fears, beliefs about how things will turn out, past pain & hurts, your "inner chatter" & doubts, comparisons, perfectionisms, confidence, beliefs about who you are, sources of motivation & support systems. Having a plan, sticking to it with perseverance, self-discipline, being flexible in touch with our resilience & personal boundaries may also assist.

Organised, Disorganised, Being Messy Our physical environment can be a reflection of our mental environment and we may want to untangle things in our head. We can feel comfortable in our own mess, often knowing roughly where things are, yet our untidiness can also be a symptom of delaying our actions in its physical & visual form. It can be as if we haven't found a proper place yet to put our things. It is as if we must keep things disorganised. Inside we know we are likely to feel calmer & even more efficient when we organise our world, yet struggle to find some sort of order, where everything has a place & manage our procrastination.

Forgetting Things We may get caught up in familiar scenarios, like forgetting things if they are not done immediately. Things then mounts up around us, we can feel pressure inside and a familiar anxiety. We can become lost, as if we are in a maze or haze. We may at times feel as if a part of us is like a child, overwhelmed.

Stuck Becoming stuck, we may experience inertia. Confused or overwhelmed, some of us may struggle to find our way forward. Switching off, we may go blank or numb, start daydreaming, replaying things, becoming unfocused. We may try to avoid things, believing we can't do anything about them, struggling to believe that solutions are possible, if only we allow them. We may become like an ostrich - burying our head in sand. It can be easier to remain stuck. Resisting our stuckness may compound the problem. At times we may feel depressed, downhearted, and picking ourselves up, moving forward may be a challenge. Counselling & psychotherapy not only takes into consideration the nature of your stuckness but is also curious about what keeps you stuck.

Indecision may rule Sometimes our indecisiveness can be not only with big decisions but for the small things, like what we are going to do in the next 20 minutes, what are we going to cook, for example. Following our indecision, we may feel bad, worried or stressed. Indecisive, some may have become emotionally closed, others emotionally overwhelmed. Counselling & psychotherapy can help uncover these issues alongside what matters to you and your own Iife direction, so the choices you make support this.

Paralysis We may experience paralysis at times, struggling to get going. On other occasions we may go full speed ahead, with little in-between, as if we are fully engaged or disengaged. Some of us may procrastinate by not doing things at all, if not able to do them perfectly. When we don't have the resources to do things, we avoid them & become paralysed in our actions.

Our Internal World We can be in touch with a stimulus or personal need, and then something happens. Sometimes, just when we get close to doing something, we pull back the last minute, so even when we make a decision, we may struggle to stick with it. Most decisions initially bring about an emotional response, and then swing to its opposite. We can do this automatically. This is a natural process, yet can be confusing, especially in a world, where we are supposed to be definite, but in fact we may be ambivalent. Holding conflicting thoughts & feelings may hamper our ability to make choices & act. Yet we can choose whether to get going and complete things, learning to do things differently. Re-choosing things, moment by moment, may assist. Counselling & psychotherapy can help us reflect upon how one moment we want one thing, and the next something entirely different. As we become aware of, and integrate these contradictory tendencies as a whole, it may become easier to make choices, organising our world differently. We may be in a constant state of anxiety, struggling to relax, worrying about all the things we haven't done or should be doing. Managing our anxiety differently, and doing what we need to do anyway, may be our challenge.

The Agony Of Choice Sometimes we can feeI stagnant, as if we see the world passing us by, and we can struggle making choices, procrastinate, put things off or delay & postpone decisions. We may become overwhelmed by having too many choices. We may struggle with the range of options or consequences of choosing one. Avoiding things we don't want to do, we may continuously play out scenarios in our head. We may habitually make things onerous. Any momentum or impetus gets held back. In turmoil, we can struggle to make the "right" choices between alternatives or find it hard to discriminate between what is good for us and what isn't. Choosing the easy right over the hard right may become second nature. Brushing things under the carpet, our fear & the pain of choice, failure or success can sometimes overwhelm us. We may want to complete something, yet struggle to manage our fears & doubts about our decision or decision making process. Establishing what really matters, what we will & won't settle for, focusing our resources on this may be a challenge. The counselling & psychotherapy may also explore how free your will is.

Torn Between Choices We may also have a dilemma of choosing between two apparently right or two wrong options ("damned if I do, damned if I don't). We may be faced with the challenge of doing a "hard right" as opposed to an "easy wrong". In our indecisiveness we can become anxious about not knowing the best outcome. We may worry, become hesitant & ponder over things. We can spend much time deliberating, which stops us putting our ideas into action. And when we have made the choice, there can be a familiar gap between what we say we are going to do, and doing it. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. We can search for the right moment to act, but never quite find it. Sometimes we can become overwhelmed by the challenge of determining how to make the right or best decision. There are many factors to consider when we need to make big decisions. For some it can help to chose what brings them closer to their values & goals, and then act. For others, it can help to identify the benefits of successfully completing a task, having more energy & feeling less stressed. Counselling and psychotherapy can help address these dilemmas, alongside looking at any immobilising feeIings or beliefs about control or perfectionism, etc.

Widening Our Choices Sometimes it is clear to us that we have a choice of only two options, yet this may not be the only way of seeing things. Choosing a different response to our dilemma of our choices may assist. Where we put our attention and how we choose to think can be influential. We can think & act in concrete ways, sometimes at a cost of our imagination. And when we think creatively, a range of other choices & possibilities can open up. Also, opening up to different perceptions can free our attitude. What was previously unconscious, can become conscious. Fresh insights can open us up in order to act. Sometimes our choices can be reactive, and on reflection we could have made different choices. Being in touch with our intention, our power, our values & life direction can inform the quality of our choices. Acknowledging what really matters to us, and listening to that voice inside (the one free of fear), can also support us in the choices we make. Sometimes when we are clear what choices are important to us (maybe a choice to risk, choice to love, choice to trust, choice to act) the other choices we need to make can seem easier or less of a burden. Ironically, choosing not to do something - letting go of any indifference, may free up our choice to do something else in other areas. (See also Our Free Will)

Difficulties Completing & Sustaining Things Some of us can impressively keep busy, multitask, hopscotching around, flitting from one things to another, yet struggle to complete anything. Others may struggle to begin things, let alone complete them. The process of sustaining & completing things usually involves various stages: an emerging sensation or need (something occurs to us), recognising & clarifying it, associated feeIings (e.g. sense of anticipation or excitement, maybe an underlying fear) & thoughts, mobilising our energy, making the choice & decision, putting our will into action, making contact & an impact, ability to be satisfied on the completion, withdrawing our energy & taking rest. Sometimes we can get stuck in this process. How we respond to each stage can affect the outcome. Some of us can start with enthusiasm, yet struggle to complete things. Others can complete things with ease, if only they could start. Our mind may wander, we may lose focus, finding it hard to concentrate, forget our original purpose, switch or jump ahead to other tasks, which we may also find hard to complete. Letting go of what we no longer need to hold on to, may be a problem for some. Psychotherapy & counselling can offer help with our procrastination, also addressing any unhelpful habits or addictions, which get in the way.

Our Frustration It can be so frustrating for us, wanting to pursue things, do lot's of things, yet somehow seem unable to. We may want to get rid of, or "cure" ourseIves of certain frustrating or uncomfortable feelings. Often frustration may be connected to wanting absolutes in an uncertain world. Often it is the frustration that stops us acting, and the therapy can find out if this happens with you. Our frustration may also be utilised as a driving force to act. Counselling & psychotherapy can help find ways of understanding why we procrastinate, origins of our procrastination & what keeps it going.

Waiting For Something Vacillating, we may be waiting for something, not quite sure what we are waiting for. As if we have a weight over our shoulders, some of us may have tried to avoid or ignore aspects of our Iife, we would rather not look at. We may have repressed or suppressed uncomfortable emotions in the hope that they will go away, yet events keep bringing them back and they never quite disappear. A challenge for some may be coming to terms with all of who we are, including the bits we have previously ignored or buried. We may also discuss your sensitivities or concerns around control & letting go, having to make everything perfect or get things right, accessing your resources, so you become less overwhelmed. Some of us may be waiting for permission, approval, affirmation, validation, recognition, appreciation from someone else before we act.

Trying New Things Fear of taking a risk or making the "wrong decision" may be a concern for some. "If I make a choice, it might be the wrong one, so best not to make a choice." When trying new things some of us have a tendency to act (will) in order to know, yet others prefer to know in order to act ("How will I know that anything new will be different?"). Anxiety & uncertainty about the consequences of the outcome, or fear of failure or making mistakes can stop us acting or completing. Fear of success, freedom, perfection, responsibility & change may also inhibit us. We can find ways to sabotage things. In order to make an impact we may want to risk letting go of what we usually do, trying something new (maybe new routines, structures, friendships, venues), and see what happens, which can be a transformative process, as our procrastination no longer defines how we are. (See also Our Life Now - Clarifying the present situation)

Double Bind We may be in various double binds, because if we no longer automatically put things off, we have to think differently. We may also believe that our old patterns of thinking will continue to go round & round in circles. Thinking in different ways without making our scenarios so real or powerful may assist. Part of our procrastination problem may be connected to how we respond to any external authority. If someone wants something or asks us to do something - maybe they didn't quite say it right (even if it is in our interest), we have to say "No". We can sometimes react to any obligations we are under by having to refuse it. When we must do something, it is as if we must be in rebellion. A further double bind may be that for any step we take, initiate or express the outcome is uncertain, unpredictable, unknown, which may bring us up against our own existential issues. Moving through this may be our challenge. Our struggle may be to find & trust our own "Yes" to decide & act - accessing our own inner authority - sitting in the driver's seat. We may struggle to listen to our heart, intuition or our conscience, and act upon these.

In Touch With Us & Our Values We can be overly concerned about what is the right or correct decision or of what other people think. Confused or with self-doubt, we can tie ourseIf in knots. Keeping an open mind, following our heart & taking responsibility for our decisions may be challenging. We may have forgotten or lost our own values, which can support the decisions we make. Therefore a challenge for some may be how to get in touch with our own values, living them in our actions (see Self-Chosen Values). Counselling & psychotherapy can help us be in touch with what we value.

In Touch With Supportive Others Things may have just happened in our earlier life. Other people challenged & supported us and we may have gone along with things, which gave us a structure. We may have followed what life or others expect of us, without following our own path. Some of us find we are more enthusiastic or able to do things when surrounded by supportive people who inspire us, and this can have a positive effect. However sometimes we may resent it if we become dependent on others, as if we need someone to hold our hand, and not us, to give us what we need. At times it can be as if they give us a structure we believe we can't find in us. Lonely inside, it can be as if we lose our self when alone, we may become stuck, lost, stagnant or low. Sometimes we may want to give up, preferring to hide in a corner, fearing responsibility. Giving what we see or want from others to our self may be a challenge. We may struggle to tap into our own passions, inspiration, purpose & assurance to support us, motivating our own life. (See also Searching For Approval, Affirmation, Validation, Recognition, Appreciation, Confirmation)

Our Will - Mobilising Our Resources To Act Missing out on things, procrastination can stop the flow of our ideas, imagination & creativity, our will & motivation, being in the moment, as if we are holding on to past regrets and future concerns. Not taking action can eventually lead to problems, and our procrastination can hold us back, weakening our resolve. Opportunities in Iife can sometimes be brief, and we may struggle to see or act upon windows of opportunity. And as we are willing to respond positively to these opportunities, our capacity to do so can grow. Stuck in our indecisiveness, when we procrastinate, after a while we can become anxious, which in turn can reduce our desire to take action. Some of us can wait for someone to push us (or wait for their permission), because we find it hard to act, as if our passion & personal will is immobilised. No longer needing permission from others, our challenge may be to give permission to ourselves. The act of willing has many stages. Once we are in touch with our desire & intention, knowing what we want to do, it can be a challenging next step to make a decision & act upon it, making things happen, so they are tangible. An additional challenge may be to mobilise our resources & take a leap - sometimes of faith (for details see Accessing Motivation, Acting From Our Personal Will). At the core of our actions & what drives us is our motivation, and when we are motivated our confidence is raised. Avoiding our habitual distractions may be a challenge for some. Persistence, perseverance, determination, being in touch with our passion may be a challenge for others, that no matter what, we will find our way through our struggles. Despairing at times, our hope may become elusive. The therapy can help us discover our sources of choice, decisiveness, resolve & motivation, some of them conscious, some of them not so (for details see Source Of Our Motivation). The therapy can explore this with you. In the counselling & psychotherapy we may also address the role of free will.

Counselling & Psychotherapy can support you in overcoming your procrastination problems. Some of the work may be about simply being at peace with ourself, having more energy. Daring to be definite may be a challenge.