Counselling & Psychotherapy

Anger Management Counselling Central London Psychotherapy, Anger Management, Anger Problem, Counsellor London Psychotherapist
Anger Management Psychotherapy

Anger itself is not a problem – it is a normal human emotion, and cab be channelled usefully into appropriate action. Not all anger is unhealthy – it can be a last resort defence against allowing others to dominate or manipulate us, so we stand up for who we are. Repressed anger may also not be healthy. Anger can also motivate us to take action against injustice. How to express it in healthy ways may be a challenge for us. Some of us may struggle to express our anger without triggering our anxiety. Anger is a primary emotion, which prepares us for fight-or-flight – what all male & female animals do when they are in danger or in fear, as chemicals are released into the blood stream. Anger is an alarm system, extra adrenaline is produced, our heart beats faster & blood pressure rises. When angry, men & women see things one-dimensionally. The therapy explores not only how you manage & contain the fire of your anger, but also how to express your anger in controlled & healthy ways, understand its purpose & acknowledge the positive & negative aspects. Struggling to pause or reflect, we may catch ourself by surprise, e.g. our road rage. We may become confused or shocked by our own anger.

When we are angry it is as if our buttons are pressed and we often go on to automatic pilot. Some of us snap away at lightning speed as if we can't control it. We may have a short or long fuse – simmering or stewing away. Some of us can implode our anger or temper, taking it inside of us - keeping the lid on, almost bullying ourseIves (flight) - whereas others explode with rage or aggression, sometimes bullying others (fight) – "flying off the handle". We may have difficulties suppressing anger or letting it go – often getting angry & even "getting off" on it – it can give us a sense of power, sense of righteousness of being hard-done-by. We may feel worse or lonely afterwards, following its destructive impact. Others may struggle to express their anger – bottling it up or holding it in, tight in their bodies, or indeed their heart. We may turn our anger inwards, onto ourself. Anger management counselling & psychotherapy not only explores your anger style, but also considers another option with you, about what gets you angry in the first place – your stress triggers that invoke your anger, and ways you might want to diffuse your anger. We may also explore whether it is anger you are experiencing or frustration - how this may be connected with your unmet expectations, and what else you could do with your expectations. We may have feeIings milder than anger, like irritability, agitation or simply being upset, which escalate to anger problems. Some of us believe it is not safe to be fearful or terrified, so rather than show or express this, we are angry instead.

Anyone can become angry. That is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree,
at the right time for the right purpose and in the right way - that is not easy. Aristotle

Using Our Anger As A Tool We can utilise our anger to:

• Shield & protect us (e.g. against demands, criticisms, or anything we don’t want to hear)
• Attack others
• Make people comply with our wishes
• Try to control or make others do what we want
• Keep people at a distance
• Avoid expressing other emotions or our needs

Responsibility For Our Anger Problem We can be stuck or identified with our anger, that this is largely what we feeI & who we are. Taking responsibility for our anger & conflicts may be a challenge for some. We may at times struggle to recognise that there is an anger problem, be aware of our aroused state, accept we can't control things, have difficulty relaxing or reassuring ourself, regress to an almost child state. We can feel wounded, or find it hard to cope with underlying difficult or unwanted feeIings. We may also struggle to contain our own anger, when other people are angry. Some of us may burn bridges at cost to us & others. We may become angry or upset, wanting to blame others, yet it is our own anger, and we can choose to keep it going or calm down. The counselling & Psychotherapy can help us learn to respond differently to our anger, so our anger no longer defines how we are – anger management.

Anger Management Counselling & Psychotherapy can provide a container for anger, fears, pain & hurt to be expressed. We will also look at ways to become more aware of our anger, how to de-escalate our anger, so we are no longer at the mercy of our anger or frustration. We will look at how to put the handbrakes on, ways to go off on our own & take care of our own reactions, rather than dump our anger onto others and calming strategies, so we can be with our anger. The therapy may also explore how free is our choice to get into a battle, and can help clarify what precisely it is we are battling over. We can initially be certain that our anger is about something someone has said or done, yet on reflection it may point to wounds that have gone right to our core – our own pain. Anger management psychotherapy will also explore sources of your anger – what's underneath it, what it means & ways to look at the bigger picture. We will unpack your emotional response to your anger triggers – your significant beliefs & interpretations about these triggers, and explore other possible rationales. We will also look at the cost of your anger, exploring alternative ways of expressing your needs, without overspilling. The effect of stress, tiredness, poor eating patterns, excessive alcohol, drugs or other unwanted habits or addictions may also be addressed. Anger counselling & psychotherapy will also explore other possible responses to our anger.

Internal Or Indirect Anger Problem Other struggles may be that we turn our anger onto us - internalising it. We may also become indirect with our anger - passive aggressive, e.g. go silent, procrastinate. (For procrastination & using silence in the relationship see also Procrastination In The Relationship Or Marriage)

Anger In Relationships Some of us may want to find a better way of dealing with anger in relationships, and the therapy can support you in this, so you can take yourself off, take care of your own feeIings and not put them onto someone else. (See also Conflict In The Relationship Or Marriage)

Childhood Experiences How anger was expressed, or not expressed, in our family of origin can shape how we express our anger as adults. We may for example have learnt to "hold our tongue", struggling with ways of expressing our anger healthily. Through expression of our anger now, may also live uncomfortable experiences when we were younger, e.g. our envy & jealousy. Counselling & psychotherapy can explore these links.

Existential Frustrations Our anger may also be of an existential nature – simply being angry at life's limitations & questions.