Counselling & Psychotherapy

Counselling Central London Psychotherapy, Behaviour Management, Behaviour Problems, Change Behaviour Counsellor London Psychotherapist
Our Behaviour

Counselling and psychotherapy can explore with you where you are in the world - how you act & respond, which may cause a behaviour problem. We may have become trapped in our own behaviour. For example: you experience a stimulus (simply having an experience) and your response follows, e.g.: ........ Because you are feeIing .......... you do ......... Some of these behaviours may be selfdefeating, impulsive or compulsive and may include unwanted habits or addictions. We may have become a person of extremes, always following our passions without rationally choosing our behaviour. We may not like how we behave, become recklessly careless or unkind at times. Inflicting harm (on us or others), we may be suffering inside, or make others suffer. We may distract ourseIves temporarily, yet our core behaviour problem may remain. And our role together in the therapy may be finding creative ways of managing this cycle or patterns of thinking (stimulus) & behaviour (responses) differently, if that is your desire – what some people call behaviour management or managing impulsive behaviour.

Underlying Factors Sometimes it can seem as if we are an actor in our own play (a re-enactment), noticing us responding in old, familiar ways, yet seem helpless to change. Changing behaviour may be our challenge. We are convinced we know what we are doing, yet seem unable to stop or recognise that we are caught in an old, habitual role of learnt behaviour. This behaviour problem may have become controlling, which keeps our heart closed. Sometimes we may be behaving in ways which no longer work, simply to fill our void. Some of us can get into trouble almost deliberately, or to stir up things. These recurrent themes of behaviour can go round & round like a broken record, and we may wonder why we do this. We may run to something as an escape. We may have become selfdestructive – especially when we are tired or stressed. How we express what we need and how we behave if these needs are not met, can be a real challenge at times.

Reactive Behaviour Problem Some of our reactive behaviour (or impulsive behaviour) can be regressive, connected to certain triggers or our own beliefs, which may have origins in our history, including unmet needs from our past or uncomfortable feeIings like envy & jealousy. Our behaviour can at times be infantile. We may also have a behaviour problem, because the strong emotions we are experiencing lock our attention and it can be hard to think clearly. Anything good may be sabotaged by our punishing behaviour. We may even behave in ways opposite to what we feel. We may sense we are acting on automatic, not fully aware of our actions (for details see Role Of The Unconscious). We may become stuck, lonely or helpless and struggle to respond. Some of us may experience hurt, fear, anxiety or frustration, yet don't know quite what to do with it, other than being dominant or submissive. We may struggle to come to terms with part of us we may not like (this may include our fear, shyness or vulnerability), finding it difficult to be in touch with our intrinsic worth. If we don't feeI worthwhile inside we may behave in ways as if to confirm our low selfworth. Some of us can behave in sabotaging ways we would rather not, because we are physically unwell, unhappy or not fully in touch with our needs or emotions. We may end up sabotaging our own or other's Iives in counterproductive ways. Our behaviour in our relationship can be associated with making our partner responsible for our needs (for details see Unmet Love Needs & Neediness). Counselling & psychotherapy examines your own roles (e.g. victim, rescuer, persecutor), choices & responsibilities in how you behave, and ways to tolerate our anxiety, when we are not in control.

Losing OurseIves Taking other people's behaviour personally may be challenge for us, especially in our relationship or marriage. Our wounded behaviour may ripple outwards & range from attacking, blaming or criticising to withdrawing or withholding. We may seek solace in our work, TV, the internet, food, alcohol or drugs. In the way we behave we may have abandoned or harmed us or others, and the counselling & psychotherapy can help if this is a concern to you. We may also look at your "default" behaviours – your template, and other responses towards managing your behaviour problem.

Opportunity For Change "How do I change my behaviour?" may be our question, as if our behaviour has to respond to a certain template. People can't create tension in us. We create it in our responses (behaviour management). How we behave can also affect our stress levels. The way we behave is also connected to the way we feeI about us, sometimes to avoid our pain. Some of us prefer to rationalise our behaviour to justify whatever we do, even though we may not feel good inside, as if in a hole. It can be a challenge to be warm, kind & respectful towards everyone we meet, especially if we don't have much in common. Our values, resilience & personal boundaries can support how we behave (behavioural flexibility).

Counselling & psychotherapy can help with ways of changing, slowing down, reflecting how we react (re-enact) or act with choice in the world. Regulating our behaviour may be a challenge. This may include looking at ways to step back from situations without your behaviour over-spilling (your selfcontrol), and without beating ourself up, so we can question how we want to be - now. As we try new things, the way we behave can become less important to all of who we are. The therapy may also examine how you can have control over your automatic reactions, having more choice in your responses, actions & interactions. In the counselling & psychotherapy we may also consider your feeIings & needs behind your behaviour problem, any opportunities to make different or powerful choices and what message you want to send out, alongside your sense of inner worth, and ways you can look after your own needs. By becoming more aware of the consequences of your thoughts, actions & behaviours the therapy can also be helpful in supporting you reducing your own dramas.