Counselling London, Unmotivated, Motivation, Willpower, Will Power, Counsellor London Psychotherapist
Motivation & Willpower
Aspects Of Will There are many forms of will other than strong will and willfulness, which we need at times. We may also have ill will, good will (see also Wellbeing Of Others - Generosity Of Spirit, Acts Of Service), manipulative will, skillful will, loving will, unconscious will, etc. Sometimes our will can seem outside of our access, as if we have no will. How we apply our will is in our hands as is the ability to disidentify from what we need to. Willpower alone may not be enough unless we take responsibility for ourselves. Some of us may want to be in touch with the will, which is not only personal, and has a collective, universal force.
Begin anywhere.John Cage
Putting Our Life On Hold Initiating things may be a struggle for us. "Once this or that is done there will be time for..." we may tell ourselves. Our narrative may be that "what we want and need and really matters to us can wait till later". Sometimes it can seem as if we live life as a rehearsal or are watching ourself from afar, feel disconnected, lost or stuck, dawdling, maybe half living, zombie-like as if waiting for life to happen. The counselling & psychotherapy can look at where our will gets stuck, how our thoughts affect our actions and support us in addressing any procrastination, hesitation, depressed feelings, so we can begin to decide what we want - defining it, get hold of and run with our feelings, making things happen. Building relationships with other people and numerous experiences can motivate us, as can books, films, etc. (See also Living To Our Full Potential)
If we wait to overcome obstacles - even looking for them at times, we will never start anything.
Freeing The Will None of us like to be held against our will, do things against our will, yet in some ways we may have allowed it to be captured or feel like we have lost control over our free will. Sometimes we need stillness and sometimes we need action. There may be an unacknowledged (conscious, unconscious) part of us, who has an investment in things not changing, and this aspect of us may initially need to be taken into consideration. Indecisive, we may have to find where our "No" is first, and only if ready, choose our "Yes". Our motivation may flow in cycles, peaks & troughs. Being in the moment, in touch with our momentum - what propels us forward, our healthy pride, enjoying life or being enthusiastic can support us. For some it can be as if our will is captured by our desire, urges, old scripts, etc. Taking steps (maybe small ones or giant leaps of faith - sometimes into the unknown) we've never taken before can release us, which may sometimes mean taking a longer way home. Diverting this will energy through sublimation or changing it into another form - transmuting it for a better good may be challenging. The counselling can offer support in freeing the will (when we have a direct experience of our will existing), so we can mobilise our resources, free ourself and are able to act from our core self, without being in reaction. Being in our own structure in our own ground may support us. Sensing and believing we have free will may be important for some. Being in touch with our own path may be important for others. Accepting us, who we are, our situation as it is, less burdened by expectations or having to do things the same old way, alongside what we tell ourselves influences our will. Not only do our actions have an impact on us & others, but so too do our inactions. Practising the power of focus, attention, concentration, observation sustained by our will, supports our ability to reflect.
It's time to move.
Momentum Linked to our free will, desire, vision, we tend to feel motivated, envisioning when our momentum propels us towards something, when we have a goal towards something, rather than away from something. Listening to and responding to winds of change may be the catalyst to change. Rather than forever ruminating, sometimes just doing something, starting it, getting on with what we need to do can help build our momentum (see also Procrastination Cure? - Mobilising Our Resources To Act). Sometimes we may feel frozen. Thawing out and creating a way to keep flowing forward like a river flows over, round, under and through obstacles, twists and turns embracing and being in the journey, in the moment, seizing the day, can propel our momentum, make us feel good especially when we embrace our emotions. Making and acting on our choices may give us impetus. Finding our own momentum (often supported by the act of moving our energy, our body - doing something, e.g. walking, dancing, exercising, gardening, playing sport, something new or through breathwork, singing, chanting), moving from lostness, stuckness (or depression) to action, moving forward, getting on with life may be our desire. The counselling and psychotherapy can be a space to look at what qualities in us foster our passiveness, activeness, what stops our momentum (see also Finding Our Way Through Challenges, Difficult Tasks & Unhelpful Habits - What May Get In The Way, Stop Us Creating Good Habits), what helps to be in touch with how we get ourselves moving, utilising our momentum, exploring the nature of our determination, patience, even the positive aspects of competitiveness.
I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples.Mother Teresa
Stumbling Blocks, Obstacles, Reluctances Some of us can spend more time than we would like observing things, seeking meaning, stuck in our head, rather than taking the reins of our life, connecting to what matters, in touch with our emotions, vulnerability & tenderness, doing what we need to do, participating in the world, coming from our centre, grounded. We may feel confident and able to act in certain aspects, yet not in other areas. Caught in certain moods or unhelpful, habitual thinking patterns, negative thoughts and their meanings, we may tell ourselves that things don't work or that we will wait for this, that, yet never seem to get there. However motivated we are, we can also become unmotivated at times, or procrastinate. Overly defensive or struggling to have compassion for ourselves, our stress, fear, anxiety or overwhelment can get in the way of what we want to change, prohibiting us from being in touch with our will and acting on this. Newer knowing what will happen can stop us in our tracks. Feeling inertia, as if we are in some sort of fog or lacking momentum (or being motivated to avoid, block things), sometimes it is as if our personal will seems stuck or has blown off course (as if we have no will or somewhere inside we steadfastly hold on to our will to remain the same). Lost or stuck, some people may want to move away from their passivity or vacant frame of mind, no longer wanting to be unmotivated, unfocused or simply going along with things for the sake of it. When we are living in reluctance because we have to do something, this reluctance can spread throughout other areas of our life, rendering us less productive, fulfilled, creative. Changing this from having to, to wanting to may support us. Viewing obstacles as challenges may ironically be our own challenge. Recovering our will, so we can access it again, saying "no" to things that aren't a priority, may be important for us. The counselling & psychotherapy may explore the nature of our resistances and different ways of freeing ourself.
You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.Unknown
Chasm In certain London underground stations we are told to mind the gap before we board the train. And in order to get on the train we do so. For some of us it can be a huge gap between wanting to do something and doing it. Bridging our own gap may be important. The counselling can explore what goes on for us on this gap, looking at our "No" as well as our "Yes". Each of us have our own resistances, stumbling blocks, stopping us moving forward, e.g. being caught in our wounded, fearful self, not being in tune with what we really want - what's relevant to our purpose, believing we've got to do it all on our own, living life with a handbrake on.
motivation counselling, motivational therapy - personal power, motivation, being motivated, motivation techniques, motivational techniques
Our motivation makes us effective & productive in what we do. Utilising external motivational influences may enhance, yet can also inhibit our personal motivation. For some of us our source of motivation comes largely externally, e.g. money can be a motivator for some, as can competitiveness. Seeking, needing validation, approval, affirmation, reassurance, confirmation, permission, recognition, appreciation, praise, attention, adoration, admiration, adulation, acceptance from others can motivate us at one level, yet we may struggle to access these qualities in ourself. If we base our sense of worth externally, this may affect the quality of our motivation. Sometimes others can spur us on, motivate us, encourage us, which can make a big difference, yet ultimately it is ourselves who access our own internal motivation. Utilising our internal sources of motivation linked to our purpose may be important for us - maybe through being curious, capturing our own ideas, allowing them to flourish, building our own momentum. These can be most motivating, satisfying, because their source is from within us and not based on the will of others. Spending time, allowing our ideas to develop, imagining, visualising the end result & benefits, can be motivating factors. Believing in our ideas can help motivate us into action, as we follow them through by starting to do something. The therapy can explore our external, internal sources of motivation further...
Accessing Motivation, Acting From Our Personal Will Without our personal will, we are immobilised. It is our very being that takes us to our motivation. Motivation - our inner drive through our primary feelings & emotions, can be seen as our fuel, powers our actions, and it is the result of our actions, which also create our life experience. Connecting to the source of "our want" - having a personal will, our life force and basic "Yes" to life (see also Willpower - Finding, Having & Following Our "No" Or "Yes"), may be important for us so we put our hopes, intention, passions, aspirations, focus and love into action, doing what it takes to make things tangibly happen because of the decisions we have made. Distinguishing between what we think we wanted and what we actually want at a deeper level - our deepest desires may influence the impact & quality of our will (see also Intuition - Gut Feelings, Hunches, Instinct, Improvising) as may whether we motivate ourself through fear, anxiety or self-compassion. Choosing to act - aligning our will, as opposed to having to act may also support us. Counselling & psychotherapy can explore this, alongside where our curiosity, ideas & understanding may be taking us, and how we want to get there, often through gradual change. (See also Life's Journey - Connecting To Our Own Inner Direction & Creating Our Own Destiny)
To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe.Anatole France
What Matters & Motivates Us We can choose to put our resources, priorities, and focus on what is important, what's short term or long term, what's essential, what we value, why we want something. The therapy can help explore this further, alongside the advantages, disadvantages of delaying our gratification when necessary. Being in touch with what's important - what we want in our heart of hearts, what's the right thing, what gives us a warm glow inside may boost our confidence. It may be important for some of us to reconnect to what puts fire or passion in our belly, what we enjoy. For others, coming out of of our head may also assist. The counselling & psychotherapy will explore what empowers and matters to you (including your entitlement & what you will & won't settle for), your life focus, alongside your feeIings, beliefs, the way you perceive reality as well as your aims, hopes, dreams (without being a dreamer), imagination, inspiration, resourcefulness, creativity, aspirations, values, conscience, integrity, purpose & intentions, what gives you meaning. Aligning our will to these qualities and what matters may be important for us (see also Willpower - Setting Our Intention). At times all of us are motivated by factors outside of our access. For some, their source of personal power & motivation may seem locked away (unconscious - maybe stuck), and for others - be present, yet not fully utilised or engaged as they struggle to pursue things important to them, set their mind to a task (where a positive emotional state is more beneficial than the negative one), or be in touch with their strong, burning desires - not just a wish or a hope.
Do we do what really matters, motivates us or what comes really easy for us?
Being In Touch With Our Desires, Passions Our intentions are our deepest desires, our primary motivation and we may want to be more in touch with the hunger and life force of our desires, passions. Yet we may allow the effect of certain experiences to dampen our passions, desires. Sometimes reactions to mistakes we make, our cynicism, sarcasm, shame or guilt can inhibit our desires, passions. Bringing this out of the dark may help us. For others of us it can be as if there is an inner fog around us, that we are drifting, maybe caught in wishful thinking. Making time to discover & identify what bores us, inspires & invigorates us may be important, so we can live our life with passion, supporting our focus, creativity & direction in doing things we love, helping us through difficult times, live to our full potential. Experiencing plenty of things that stimulate our desire, being aware how we feel and reaching thoughts that bring joy make us feel good so we are tuned in, stimulates our desire. Not just doing things, but being in touch with our desire, the warm glow of passion - the fire that enrgises us, brings us into an elevated mood, our momentum and vitality can not only inspire us and our creativity, but also enable us to have a greater enthusiasm for life as a whole. Passion, like compassion - the quality we find in our heart (often experienced through our child within), points us towards our desire, puts us in touch with our purpose, so we can be purposeful in all our actions. Finding our way to courageously live our passion - following it beyond what has been overly safe and secure for us, may be our challenge. Letting go of what we need to let go of, discovering our passion - knowing it, so our gifts are unlocked, acting & aligning our focus with our passion may now matter to us. We may want to get our desire back - that non-rational part of us, locate and aim it towards our focus. Rediscovering our passion, sexual desire again because it got lost, crushed or shamed along the way may also be important without staying in our head or overly focused on sex, climax, orgasm, outcomes, performance, techniques, goals, positions, genitals, stuck in over-familiar roles (see also Diverting, Changing Responses To Our Drives, Urges, Impulses, Passions, Desires, Aspirations, Energies, Creativity). As we resonate with and notice our energy, our essence, values, this can help us tune in to our passion and become like our magnetic north as a compass points us towards our desire. Desire is our motivating force drawing us into our body. The counselling and psychotherapy can be place to get out of our head, discover what our body really wants, where our attention is rooted and we feel more alive, open to connection, willing to choose, express our passions, desires, ask for what we need and explore how this life force may support our inner strength, relate to being in tune with us and the wider world.
Achievement, Achieving Things Being in touch with what matters and is important, what motivates us, what we enjoy, may help us (allowing our achievement of joy may allow other achievements to follow, fit into place). For some our self-doubt may get in the way of achieving things. For others we may choke under pressure. Converting our anxiety to excitement, enthusiasm, may assist us, alongside selecting the attitude we hold and being in touch with what we tell ourselves and building supportive habits.
What We Do With The Will We may want to become more aware of the source of our motivation, how we make decisions & what determines them (including our passions, thoughts, beliefs, perceptions, attitudes, templates, prejudices & biases, wishes, hopes, values, actions & reactions - noticing winds of change, how we deliberate & make up our mind to act, remain focused & carry out our intention). And when we are motivated, this boosts our esteem and we are usually more confident. The therapy may therefore review how we access & enhance our motivation, take charge of our own destiny, influenced by our own actions - in the context of our life also being a journey, what gives us impetus & how we put our volition - will (our emotional energy that drives us forward) into action. Mobilising our own resources to act and maintaining our focus, sometimes taking small, yet specific steps, (maybe through little yet increasingly significant acts of will) other times - a leap of faith, may support us. Things don't only happen to us, we can also influence them. Our influences to our will may include existential questions we hold, like "Why are we here?", "Where are we in our life?" and "What do we really want?" The act of willing has many stages requiring our engagement, effort & energy (see also What We Resonate - Noticing Our Energy, Vibration). Once we are in touch with our desire & intention, aligning our interest, knowing what we want to do, it can be a challenging next step to make a decision, so it passes through the threshold of our will, and then follow through with it, acting upon it, making things tangibly happen. We may be willful, disciplined, yet lack a light touch, be without love or lonely inside. The therapy may therefore include looking at whether the actions we take (will) are loving. Being in touch & collaborating with others in the world - not only our personal goals, plans, having a generosity of spirit, offering acts of service - may be further challenges beyond our own, individual empowerment. The potential of the human spirit knows no bounds and like a river we may want to flow freely, whatever the obstacles in our way, going with the flow and at times creating a new way to move forward, explore new landscapes, experiences. We may also want to get in touch with the power of will & existence beyond the personal - what some people describe as expanding to the collective, universal or spiritual will, linked to life's purpose - as if we are being will. Experiencing this centre of will, we may find it easier to observe, direct & harmonise all our psychological processes, including our body, feelings, mind, sexuality, spirituality, feel in an elevated mood. Aligning the momentum of the will (as if we are being will and our sense of time may alter), our endurance, may require less effort, and we may feel more in the zone, where things chime with a sense of synchronicity a sense of interconnectedness. (For details see Life's Journey - Connecting To Our Own Inner Direction & Creating Our Own Destiny)
Freedom is different from revolt.Krishnamurti
A mind that is free from fear is capable of knowing great love and where there is love the Will can do what it will.
The Effect Of Our Intentions Our intention contributes to our experience and our intention can be experienced the energy propelling our thoughts, actions. We are free to choose with the intent to protect ourselves from pain (often through control) or with intent to learn about loving. We may have an intention to know, protect or to grow, learn, be curious, which may affect our outcome (see also Taking The Long Way Home). Our intentions affect & govern our life, behaviour, roles and feelings, so if we intend to protect against painful feelings, trying to control them we can end up abandoning us, experiencing anxiety, fear, emptiness, guilt, shame, etc. or turn to unhelpful habits or addictions. Sometimes we may act unintentionally or unconsciously (including in our relationship). These forces can pull us backward, yet also point towards our potential. Some of us may struggle in distinguishing the difference between our intention & desire - and the act of willing, doing it & making it happen, or be confident that our intentions are good, not doing damage to ourself or others (e.g. through manipulation, controlling). We may also have intent to control others, outcomes, which affects the impact of our will. When communicating with others including our partner, we may want to decide upon the nature of our intentions, and if they are good, matching our actions to our conscious intentions. Our intentions are our deepest desires which are our primary source of motivation and if our intent is to learn, love ourselves and others - that what we put in, we get out, then this attitude and being honest with ourselves can affect the quality of our will and loving actions.
Willpower - Setting Our Intention Setting our intention may support us especially is love is a motive. As we connect to our own inner choice, set our intention, the one that really matters, we can access our will, which can be released, and we can directly experience this volition. Our intention may also need our determination & discipline to see things through. The counselling & psychotherapy can explore the nature of our intentions (see also Conscious & Unconscious Attitudes, Intentions, Expectations), how free our choice is to choose our intent, what lays behind and drives our intentions (e.g. our perceptions, attitude), whether our intentions are sincere, supportive, good, divisive, whether our intentions fade away or we act upon them. (A challenge for some may be to turn our good intentions into action, without over-thinking them. A challenge for others may be to continually engage in the moment through examining what motivates our actions.) Choosing our intentions shapes our experience and for some, setting our intentions on rising each day (e.g. making a conscious intention to be loving, have compassion, courage, speak our truth), aligning the energy of our intentions with our choices, actions, focusing on them, may support us, alongside building, maintaining supportive habits. We may also be curious about karma and the nature of our free will. The counselling may also explore how our feelings (e.g. fear, anger, love), expectations, moods, needs, values, beliefs, thoughts, judgements, etc. inform our intentions, differentiating between how we are and how things should be alongside our responsibility for our intentions notwithstanding unforeseen circumstances, outcomes or that we give inaccurate weighting to consequences.
Willpower - Finding, Having & Following Our "No" Or "Yes" Willpower alone may not be enough to motivate us, yet without it in some form we may struggle to move forward (see also Living To Our Full Potential). What we do with our will, directing our attention, concentration towards something important and sustaining it may be an issue for some. Applying ourself, building up our strength with small acts of will, so we can overcome similar and more testing situations, may strengthen our will. Some of us may have difficulty deciding, completing things. Others can start off enthusiastically, yet it doesn't last. This may point to a familiar experience of once having decided to do something, that this brings about one emotional response with some initial enthusiasm and then later having a very different emotional response, swinging the opposite way. Imagining completing the task with a positive outcome can also boost our momentum. Other factors, which may stop our momentum, may include the attitudes we hold (including our attitude towards risk) and the level of interest or passion we have (see Being In Touch With Our Desires, Passions). Going against our will, trying so hard may be counterproductive. Being in our own inner authority, allowing, choosing & aligning our self to follow the impetus of our "No" or "Yes" may be our challenge. The counselling & psychotherapy may explore what we have invested in not changing, doing something, alongside our investment to change and act. Taking charge, control of our choice (and the will energy of our anger in our "No" to certain things) may be important, as may refocusing our aim and knowing why we want to achieve something. Acknowledging what is out of our control may also support us. Whether we get involved, rise to certain challenges and how we use our will is up to us. Our very being and willpower enables us to overcome inertia, control our impulses, which can get tested, when we have to decide between what we would like to do and what is best for us - what we really ought to do, acting from our best will, so it adds to our life. Our willpower can help us resist short term temptations, supporting us to meet the long term goals, our what we value. Sometimes sitting on the sidelines and not doing something is the right choice for us and saying "No" to something can be a "Yes" to us, when we follow through with what we really want to do - what really matters. There may also be a part of us that wants to change, yet another who is stopping this, even sabotaging things, maybe unconsciously. And this willful aspect of us can also be explored in the counselling & psychotherapy alongside the promises we make to us and others. Some of us may have a type of binary response to our will, turning it on or off. Entering into the spirit of life, taking the reigns of our life, allowing our will to flow in fluid ways may support us.
What this power is I cannot say; all I know is that it exists and it becomes available only when a man is in that state of mind in which he knows exactly what he wants and is fully determined not to quit until he finds it.Alexander Graham Bell
Willpower & Persistence - Our Resolve It is part of the human condition to persist, even though circumstances are not ideal. How determined we are and how long we are willing to persist, what faith we have that we will eventually achieve what we want may be important factors. The therapy may therefore explore your persistence, perseverance & determination - what happens to it when stretched or in uncomfortable situations, setbacks, what rituals are supportive or unsupported. Picking ourselves up after a fall, pulling our self together finding our way through things, letting go of our comfort zones can be a challenge to us all. Our resilience & personal boundaries can give us inner strength, support our willpower, so we can take the right action, focus, control our impulses & reactions. Using our will to hone our focused energy, so it's not displaced, may be important for us. Being in touch with our want, calling upon the inner strength of our willpower to maintain focus and take the right action can be a challenge. It maybe a concern for some to make a commitment with our resolve & sticking to it, so our enthusiasm doesn't peter out like a firework. Others may want to remain focused, putting their attention where they want to put it, concentrate, avoid distractions, tiredness, boredom. Training our willpower over time supports our self-control, builds up our tolerance, stops us from giving into temptations, re-focus, avoid roads we would not rather go down, stay on track, so we can protect & nourish the things worthwhile in our life. No longer basing our worth on how others see us, how we would like to be seen, in touch with our intrinsic worth, may align our self with what we want to do. Being in touch with our self-worth may support us in taking action to address our concerns. The counselling & psychotherapy can also explore whether the actions we take are unloving or loving ones. We may also look at the role of courage (e.g. in putting trust in us and in our actions, even when afraid), hope, self-doubt, compassion, personal faith & trust.
It has been my observation that most people get ahead during the time that others waste.Henry Ford
Our Perseverance Perseverance steers us through distractions, driving us through setbacks, failures. Knowing when to give up on the right things (and not as a knee-jerk option to easily give up), for the right reasons and when to persevere, can be explored in the counselling as may finding ways to cultivate our own "stickability", perseverance, focus, attention, concentration - supported by visualising our goals, self-discipline & determination.
Ways Of Using Our Power We all have a need for some power - from a basic need to be seen & heard, our need to be in control, connect with others. Sometimes the need to be seen as strong, liked, popular, may influence our power style. We can use our power in many ways, each may have advantages, disadvantages in influencing others:
- Hierarchical, positional power - inheriting power because of power imbalance in our favour
- Power over others - often decisive & goal-oriented, forcing people to perform through reward, punishment or being controlling
- Creative power - creating circumstances or an environment in order to harness the potential of our power, leadership
- Conceding our power - unwillingly giving our power away through fear
- Yielding our power - willingly giving our power up because matters are out of our control, acknowledging that some battles aren't worth fighting for, or for a greater good, helping to maintain balance between others
- Empowerment - helping others use their own power effectively, using power with a light touch - subtly inspiring, encouraging others, aiming to achieve desired results
- Value-based power - motivating us and others through our values, vision, purpose
- Relational power - connecting with others, building trust & respect in order for our power to be followed
- Powerfully loving - loving powerfully, being powerful with love
- Being potent
- Power to love unconditionally
- Being spiritually powerful
It is not power that corrupts but fear. Fear of losing power corrupts those who wield itAung San Suu Kyi
and fear of the scourge of power corrupts those who are subject to it.
Abuse Of Power Holding rigid boundaries, some of us may have a strong need to have power over others, be the controlling one in our relationship. We may have become manipulative. The power influence we can have over others can be from our fear (often of losing something from an externally based sense of power). And when our fear is the driving force, we can instill this fear in others, wanting to control others, outcomes. Love may be absent.
Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.Abraham Lincoln
Seeking Power Externally When we base our sense of power externally, we need to be seen as better than others or become dependent on them for validation, approval, affirmation, reassurance, confirmation, permission, recognition, appreciation, praise, attention, adoration, admiration, acceptance. Others may give their power away to others through fear of rejection, abandonment. We may have allowed others to determine our values. Yet no one can take our power away from us or determine our own values.
Disempowerment - Blocking Our Own Power We may have uncomfortable feelings (e.g. envy, jealousy), worries, be stuck in our head or caught in drama triangles, struggle to manage our hurt, pain or forgive, all of which we may allow to sap our energy, block our power and sense of personal empowerment and the therapy can be a space to look at what we do (or don't do). We may want our feelings, thoughts, decisions, etc., to be our own, to take ownership of our life, remain empowered, be in our own authority & in control, take responsibility for what matters to us, even though we may feel helpless at times.
Our Inner Strength, Inner Will - Being Internally Powerful, Personal Will, Personal Power, Personal Empowerment Being empowered, self-aware, aligning our love with our power (powerfully loving, loving powerfully) in touch with the driving force of our inner will and power from within (and not giving our power away) - the power in all of who we really are and showing it to the world, being independent may matter to us and support our self-worth. We may want to consider the following:
- That our power, inner strength, resides in releasing resistance, letting go, love, joy
- Being in touch with & owning our vulnerability & powerlessness (without unnecessarily feeling helpless) that we have little power over others or events, which are outside of our control can paradoxically empower us, especially when we no longer seek power externally
- Self-acceptance and loving ourselves
- Not confusing power "over" with power "within"
- That our authentic power and inner strength is connected to being self-assured, personally responsible, with our personal integrity intact
- That only we can be in touch with, create our power when we authentically and compassionately live from the heart & soul of who we powerfully are, being present in the moment, trusting our self, our innateness, in touch with our home truths
- That our personal power and inner strength can be experienced as our personal will driving our motivation and how we use the power of our will is in our hands, putting us in touch with what we value
- That we can feel more empowered by taking charge of and running our own life (and being in touch with what "charges" us - noticing and harnessing our energy, inner will and what we resonate with), by being fully in touch with and aligning ourself with our nature, living from this place, alongside our vitality, intention, ourinner wisdom, vulnerability, tenderness & strengths, making them work for us - focusing on these and less so any weaknesses
- By taking ourselves outside our comfort zone and taking risks, we can build our inner strength, through focusing on our positive qualities, supported by past positive experiences, when we demonstrated our inner strength
- Staying strong inside, in touch with our inner strength, being resilient with our own, distinct boundaries, anchored, solidly grounded in our body, being confident, deliberately taking control, so we are not easily blown off track
- Being in our own authority
- Disconnecting from life's distractions, devices, etc. giving time to reflect in order to build our inner strength
- That our inner will, inner strength can also be supported by us being physically fit and not necessarily aggressive, which in turn supports our resilience and capacity to have mental and physical resources to overcome all sorts of difficulties
- Being in touch with our power to remain calm, remain centred be loving
- That we can align our love to empower, be potent, inform our actions, so rather than do things half-heartedly, we put out heart whole-heartedly into things. This energy of our love in all its different forms can be felt, known by others (see also What We Transmit, Attract, Repel in our relationship), synthesising our power with our love (which is more attractive than neediness)
- Asserting ourselves when we need to
- That we may want to develop our thinking capacity & interpersonal skills to support our leadership skills, becoming powerful, influencing others in the best ways possible
- That being with empowering, encouraging others affects our own empowerment
- That when we feel powerful we also have potential to be more creative
- That when we are courageous, powerful & loving we may want to empower others, using our power in service of a greater good without ownership of people or resources
- That we may want to be in touch with or explore a Love & Will beyond the personal, of a collective, universal or spiritual nature (see also In Tune With Us & The Wider World, Our Interdependence, Interconnectedness
Protecting Our Personal Power The experience & sense of our personal power is within us, and when our power gets depleted, things become more difficult and may affect our sense of identity. We may feel lost, stuck, impotent. Noticing how we may give our power away, e.g. allowing others to control us (especially if we are sensitive) and eliminating this may support us. We may also allow the impact of our past, old wounds, sensitivities - allowing others to get under our skin or be sensitive to criticism - even from ourself, to erode our personal power. In relationships we may want to be in touch with our own autonomy as well as being part of a couple and be aware of what we transmit. If we worry so much about upsetting others, not being authentic or out of touch with our intrinsic self-trust, our sense of personal power may erode. Counselling & psychotherapy can explore what hinders and what enhances our personal power, potency - replenishing us. Helping to protect our personal power may include:
- Creatively transforming our weaknesses into strengths
- Knowing what drains our personal power, e.g. thinking too much, always having to keep busy with distractions, emoting too much, and reducing these, recharging ourselves,
- Paying attention to our resources & what energises us, tapping into our own inner power
- Taking charge of our relating states
- Being with inspiring, supportive people, who have a sense of their own power
- Taking breaks, stopping to relax, rest and gather ourselves for a few moments when we need to
- Stilling our mind
- Letting go of what we need to let go of
- Acknowledging our own helplessness (which ironically can empower us)
- Being in touch with what regenerates us
- Being potent
- Supporting our general well-being
- Spending enjoyable time in solitude with periods of reflection
Our Determination & Discipline When things become tough, in some situations it may be best to quit and other times not to. We may need to revive & affirm our determination, boost our enthusiasm and power to make our intentions happen. When we are determined and things become difficult, tough (even boring) we don't let anything get in the way. Our determination gives us momentum - propelling us. However, some of us may have a conscious, unconscious fear of failure, fear of success, which can be a determining factor, and this can be explored further in counselling, psychotherapy. Countering our self-doubt, re-framing any negative thoughts by sowing the seeds of our determined thoughts in what we positively tell ourself (e.g. our reassuring affirmations that we can do it, are capable, that things are possible if we put our mind to it) can propel us forward, support our actions. Staying in touch with our goals & plans, can support our determination, not allowing anything to get in the way, enabling us to move forward until we get when we need to get. Our positive determination & drives can make things possible, yet when we don't get immediate results, we may become restless, impatient, struggling to understand that some things take time and happen when the time is right. In order to achieve things, balancing our determination, discipline and dedication with the right level of pressure, compassion or patience - that all things have their time, allowing us to keep going, stay persistent. Our self-discipline supports us in what we need to happen and doesn't have to be harsh or hard, when we compassionately link it to our commitment, focus & goals (supported by visualising them being achieved). We may want to enhance our self-discipline, perseverance - supported by our boundaries, so we can consistently stick with what we are doing.
Distinguishing Between What We Want & What We Need Sometimes our wants and needs can be aligned. On other occasions what we want may tend to come more from our old wounds or ego-driven self (see also Living As If Only We Count) and what we truly need may come more from our core self. We may have many wants, yet behind our wants may live our needs and when defining our needs we may also want to distinguish our actual needs from our strategies of how to get there with our needs. The counselling and psychotherapy can be a space to explore the difference between our wants and needs, the qualities of both.
Manifesting What We Need Each of us may discover, utilise our own helpful processes, to help manifest & bring into form what we want, bringing it into consciousness. The attitude (see also Living As If Only We Count) & place we are coming from (see also Procrastination Cure? - In Touch With Us, Our Values & Goals), whether we remain open, may influence our outcomes. What we want may sometimes manifest in unpredictable, surprising ways. These supportive processes may for us include:
- Searching, clarifying, being precise with what it is we really desire, knowing what we don't want, being clear what we do
- Getting in touch with the part of us that really wants what we want
- Increase our focus, determination & discipline & confidence, being in touch with our vision & visualising the reality we wish to be true (visualising the details and our achievement doesn't guarantee success or replace taking action)
- Focusing our energy & momentum towards our purpose
- Setting the scene - our scene, generating feelings, imagining & living as if they are manifesting
- Being congruent with our beliefs, so our daily actions align with our beliefs
- Setting clear messages, providing rituals & habits, released outwards into the world
- Use of meditation, prayer
Nothing happens without action.Albert Einstein
Finding Our Way Through Challenges, Difficult Tasks & Unhelpful Habits - What May Get In The Way, Stop Us Creating Good Habits Overcoming challenges, managing our anxiety and whatever is in the way for us can be challenging. It is said old habits die hard and recognising the negative effects of unhelpful old habits, acknowledging that we are more than our habit, that we are not our habit, we have fresh choices may support us. Taking time to pause, reflect think about our moods, attitude to taking risks, to change, embracing this may initially help us. Yet for others, the more we think about challenges or something new, the more daunting it can become - we can make things far too difficult, and just stepping over this - deciding to be up for the challenge and doing it can give us the impetus we need. Breaking unhelpful habits, patterns, replacing bad ones with good ones, letting go of unhelpful regrets, judgements, noticing our feelings, holding them & expressing them at our will, utilising our self-control may help us, as may spotting and responding differently to any personal triggers or addictive triggers, which get in the way. Integrating peace of mind, contentment with action may be a further challenge. Sometimes we need to do what we don't want to do... Not everything we do or need to do may be enjoyable, likable. Forcing ourself to do it (or finding others to do these tasks) are some options, yet uncomfortable inside, we may have internal reactions to change, refusing to take the long way home, learning what we need to learn. It may also help to get to know what works best for us - whether we best respond by building momentum, doing easy tasks first and building up to the difficult ones or starting with the difficult tasks first to get them out of the way and when we are more focused (remaining focused on how this task contributes to the bigger picture), have energy and willpower. Repeating things helps us remember. And through implicitly repeating things - thoughts, feelings, actions until they become familiar, easy, automatic and routine, naturally effortless and unconsciously they can become second nature. Creating the optimum environment (location, sounds, aromas, etc.) can make experiencing our tasks more conducive as can planning a reward for ourself when completed. (See also Building, Maintaining Supportive Habits, Routines, Patterns)
Luck Is What Happens When Preparation Meets Opportunity.Seneca
Origin Of Habits Some habits we have cause problems to us and others, which may have origins in our past. When growing up we develop habits which we have learnt that give us rewards, love, approval, etc. With those painful feelings, we may have also developed a habit of abandoning ourself rather than loving ourself and sharing love with others. These habits may take the form of avoiding, protecting, controlling through our behaviour, staying in our head, judging our feelings, turning to unhelpful habits, addictions. Tuning into our body, feelings, being loving to ourself can nudge us to developing supportive habits now in our life. (See also How To Stop Procrastinating - Our Internal World)
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.Aristotle
Building, Maintaining Supportive Habits, Routines, Patterns Before we are willing to change, develop new habits, create good habits, routines, the counselling and psychotherapy may need to explore the part of us that stops us. Knowing our own learning style may also support us. Taking small steps through the regular, predictable things we do have a ripple effect, can help give us a structure, support our wellbeing, enhance our life, transform our muscle memory. We are all creatures of habit - even unhelpful ones (see also Internal Reactions To Change). These habits are often automatic responses learnt through repeated actions to situations (affecting our muscle memory). Our habits change through regular practice and tend to form more quickly when enjoyable and purposeful, enabling us to free up mental resources for using elsewhere. And when we are in touch with our desire to achieve our goals, what we want, are hoping for, imagining the successful outcome and are willing to make a lot of effort, this can support our motivation. Expanding our behavioural settings, trying things we haven't tried before, initiating small, achievable changes (changing & implementing our goals & plans along the way and keeping these goals in mind), may help us grow. Taking control over decisions we make, scheduling time for us, putting our focus where we need to, being in touch with our determination and discipline and reminding ourselves how it contributes to the bigger picture, lessening the activities that don't enhance us and following our interests, prioritising time to spend on the things that do matter and nourish us (see also Being & Doing - Dilemmas We May Hold), can help us, as may being in touch with supportive others. What we gradually choose & decide to do with our time - the habits & lifestyle we form, what we prioritise, the resources we utilise, the solutions we create, can significantly affect us & outcomes, achievements, our quality of life, health (and thought patterns). Setting our intention, the attitude we hold and whether we do things with heavy or light touch, our reward system may also affect outcomes. Directing our efforts towards enjoying new benefits, enlisting the positive effects, taking some risks and preventing ourselves from returning to old, unhelpful behaviours, routines, patterns or relapses, may support us. As we choose to take the longer way home at first, adapting to change and sticking to it may call upon our, courage, resiliance, yet at the same time we may need to take care of our vulnerability, tenderness. The actions we repeatedly perform (and persevering through setbacks) can become automatic habits, with the potential to become unsupportive or supportive distractions. Following the impetus of our intention, reminding ourselves of our values, committing to positive behaviour, can help us flourish & manage setbacks along the way, supporting our will. Taking charge of & changing our behaviour and starting something can give us impetus, momentum (see also Procrastination Cure? - Mobilising Our Resources To Act). And when we practice & repeat these actions, freeing ourself up, our supportive habits get stronger, more familiar & available (can also support us when stressed, tired), as our actions become natural, more automatic, through our repetition and eventually require less effort.
Action without vision is only passing time, vision without action is merely day dreaming,Joel Barker & Nelson Mandela
but vision with action can change the world.
Self-Motivation, Willpower Questions We may have certain questions about self-motivation, will power, e.g.:
- What is willpower?
- What is personal will?
- Strong will - is it helpful to be strong willed?
- What is self-motivation? How to get motivated?
- Motivational techniques - are motivation techniques enough?