Counselling & Psychotherapy

Counselling Central London Psychotherapy – Self Sabotage, Selfsabotage - Counsellor London Camden Psychotherapist
Self Sabotaging Behaviour

Triggers We all have our own triggers - the things that set us off. We may ignore the signs that may trip us up. Counselling & psychotherapy can explore these with you, investigating your "template" responses and other ways of responding.

Reacting & Rebelling It can be tempting to react immediately things. Some of us may become stuck, finding it difficult to act (rather than react). The counselling & psychotherapy can look at this with you and wonder about possible alternatives, so more choices open up. This may also include wondering about your unconscious reactions. Sometimes we have to react or rebel against something, as if we have no choice - in a knee-jerk reaction we have to do the opposite. We may always have to disagree, take the opposite point of view of others, yet inside we may struggle with not knowing. Our inner rebel may be in charge.

The rebel in us may have a lot of energy. It can be as if any structure we are given, we take as an imposition. We must do something we have to rebel against, often impulsively, as if we "get off" on it. We have to say "No" to something, but our choice might not be free. It can be as if our will gets captured, that actually we don't have a choice. Counselling & psychotherapy can explore this "having to revolt against something" process with you, and see if you are willing to give yourself permission for your "No" & your "Yes".

Sabotaging Ourselves, Being Impulsive Sometimes we can fight against something, yet not sure what. By becoming familiar with the different facets of our personality, we can get to know how we inadvertently sabotage us or others, so our own actions stop us getting what we really want. We may be drawn to things we know won't make us feel good. There may be a punishing side of us that sabotages anything good. Inside we may hear a small voice, saying "No, stop", yet another part of us says "Yes", as we end up sabotaging things. Even though we know we are doing it at the time, we seem unable to stop. Our behaviour can be self-destructive or impulsive, maybe reckless at times. We may hear our own guiding voice inside saying "Don't do this" or "I really shouldn't be doing this", yet choose to override this voice. We can act out on others our unwanted feeIings. What once were minor distractions, maybe overworking, over-indulgence in food, alcohol or the computer, can now dominate, yet our core struggles may remain. Sometimes we can sabotage things by putting things off - procrastinating. That we sabotage things may also be connected to how we sabotage intimacy.

How We Feel About Us We may have self-doubt or a strong "inner" critic, censor or judgemental side of us, which holds us back. Our self-image, -worth & -beliefs - what we tell us can go a long way in determining our actions & the responses we get back, e.g. we may hear our familiar voice "It will be a disaster", "You're going to fail, so let's fail anyway" or in the realm of relationships, if we don't believe we are lovable, we can make this happen (see also Elusive Love?). We may struggle to accept aspects of us we do not like. We may allow everything to be driven by emotions, be right on the edge, struggling to find our way through and manage our uncomfortable emotions. Going away, thinking about things, may support us. Sometimes our selfsabotaging behaviour may be testing someone for their love & approval, no matter how we behave. We may end up sabotaging our relationship. This may include having affairs, infidelity. What sabotages our wellbeing can be looked at in counselling & psychotherapy.

Fear Of Success We can not only be afraid of failure, but also of success. Success for some can be threatening, and we can sometimes put things off for fear of succeeding. We may not know how to be OK with this in ourseIf & with others. It can sometimes adversely affect our selfesteem. Some of us may struggle coping with the challenges of succeeding or enjoying achievements, because of our beliefs & selfimage. How we respond to our successes with others can be a challenge for some if we allow this self-destructive part of us to take over. We may fear how others respond to us (e.g. possible humiliation, lack of approval) and our relationships changing for the worse. If we are successful we may believe we won't be liked as much. FeeIings we may not like or be aware of like envy & jealousy may also play a role in how we sabotage things. The counselling & psychotherapy can go into these & other issues with you.

Confirming Our Expectations When Iiving is difficult, we can sabotage things, and make them worse. Some of us can do the opposite - sabotage things when all seems to be going well. For some of us it can also be just painful if we feeI good about us. It's as if we believe things aren't supposed to go well for us - we should feel bad. How we feel about who we are may also shape our expectations.

Creating Dramas Some of us can like the dramas we create - even "getting off" on them. We may find them engaging, exciting, questioning why we would want to stop these.

Not Sure How To Stop Some of us can even notice doing things we would rather not do, yet can't seem to stop. We may have some of our own esteem issues & struggle to give ourself permission to find our own "inner" authority - being in our own ground, connecting to what really matters to us and living it, supported by our boundaries. The therapy can look at your self-sabotage with you and what else you might need to learn about yourself from what you do.

Counselling & Psychotherapy can help discover ways of slowing down, our inner beliefs, how we may have abandoned, neglected or disrespected us, ways of breaking free from any self-sabotaging behaviour (including any unwanted habits or addictions) & how you may look after yourself differently, avoiding self-destruction. What you tell yourself can also be explored. We may also look at how you treat yourself compassionately, when things go badly, as opposed to self-sabotage. Our behaviour patterns and underlying factors can also be considered in the therapy. Counselling & psychotherapy may therefore look at ways of reducing dramas we create, by becoming aware of the consequences of our actions & thoughts. The counselling may also consider your beliefs about what you deserve. The therapy may look at how you can have control over your actions, reactions, & interactions, so you are able to observe & reflect upon them, especially those almost automatic responses, so choices can open up, and we can filter our responses. We may also reflect upon the impact of your past & look at what you learnt as a child about suffering & joy. The counselling & psychotherapy may also look at how your own creativity gets sabotaged and will also take into consideration your unconscious motivations to sabotage things.