Please note that I use the words "counselling services London", "psychotherapy in London", "psychotherapeutic counselling London" & "talking therapy" and also "counsellor", "psychotherapist London", "psychotherapeutic counsellor London" & "talking therapist" interchangeably. I am trained & accredited as a counsellor, psychotherapist & talking therapist and I am happy to discuss their differences with you.
Counselling London Psychotherapy – Thoughts, Beliefs - Counsellor London Psychotherapist
Thoughts & Beliefs
Introduction We are all influenced by the prevailing thinking & the social context of the time in which we are brought up in.
Clarifying Our Thoughts & Beliefs Confused, we may want to revisit how we think & what we believe. We may play out scenarios in our head – fortune telling, or go blank at other times. The psychotherapy & counselling can help discover how we select, clarify & view our thoughts & belief systems (both adverse & positive) in a more objective manner, alongside:
- How aware we are of our judgements of ourseIves & others, and how we feeI about this
- How our thoughts & beliefs may be counterproductive or sabotage the way we are
- What feeIings are OK and what aren't, e.g. envy & jealousy
- What we believe, what we know & what we fear
- Where we are open & where we are closed
- Any unhelpful stories, which run in our head
- Our positive & negative thinking patterns
- How we think & our conclusions
- How we can filter our thoughts
- Other possible perspectives
- Our creativity & imagination
- What we compartmentalise
- Our scepticism & cynicism
- Our inspiration & dreams
- Preconceived notions
- False assumptions
- Our concentration
- Our perceptions
- Our blind spots
- Our selfbeliefs
- Our confusion
- Our attention
- Our flexibility
- Our identity
- Our values
- Our focus
When the doors of perception are cleansed, man will see things as they truly are, infinite.William Blake
Our Inner World Some of us may struggle with what to do with the thoughts that we form, especially those niggling thoughts, which then multiply. Thoughts may simply juggle around in our head & we may dwell on them in ways which aren't helpful. We may have allowed our thoughts to overwhelm us. Depression for some may result. Some of our thoughts may become a continuous stream as if they go around in a loop, and this can be discussed in the therapy. We may be busy rationalising, needing to know everything or overanalysing things, finding it hard to switch off, or driven by our obligations. There may be turbulence in our head. Stilling our busy mind may be important for us, as may not always reacting to external stimulus. What we think & believe to be possible, contributes to how we feeI. And because how we think affects our "inner world" and our responses, counselling & psychotherapy can examine the wisdom of holding on to unhelpful, irrational, distorted, fear-based thoughts or beliefs, and ways in which we can create different thoughts & meanings in our Iife. Being content, having a peace of mind, may be important to us. Over-thinking can be our way to avoid feeIing. Being in our head, always trying to work things out, we may have de-valued or neglected our body, our feeIings, sexuality and the heart & soul of who we are – all from our head downwards. Opening up, being present, in the moment, more in our heart & less stuck in our head, so we are less confused, may also be a challenge - listening to our heart, what makes it tick (see also Closing Off, Shutting Down, Bottling Things Up).
An intelligent person is never afraid or ashamed to find errors in his understanding of things.Bryant McGill
Self-beliefs The attributions we have given to us (or have inherited from our family), inform our "internal environment", and our sense of who we are. Many of our beliefs about us & the world originate from our childhood, affect our interactions (e.g. "I should..., therefore...", "I can only be happy if..."). We may for example believe we are unacceptable or unlovable, devaluing who we are now. We all create expectations, disappointments, assumptions, meanings & conclusions(we may for example believe that our childhood was so good, that it is not matched now, or that it was so bad, therefore it always will be). Some of these beliefs, especially the ones we hold as precious, may be restrictive & no longer support us, or define all of who we are now (see also Impact Of Our Past). We may also have other beliefs like "If I have more money, or a better job, I'll be fine", "If I try hard, I will be rewarded", "Things should be perfect", "I'm missing out on things". Counselling & psychotherapy can help us discover how we construct our thoughts, what beliefs we can let go of, any new ones that may be emerging, which fit closer to who we are, so we can view our thoughts more objectively. (See also Finding Our Way Through Difficulties & Old Beliefs)
If you must tell me your opinions, tell me what you believe in. I have plenty of doubts of my own.Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
Fixed Beliefs Some of our thoughts & beliefs can get embedded in us. Counselling and psychotherapy helps to pinpoint what beliefs are fixed, and which ones are fluid & flexible, any redundant beliefs and how your values & principles impact upon your beliefs. We may also believe that we should know everything (see Not Knowing – Our Need To Be In Control). We may deny any value or meaningfulness of life, believing that nothing really matters.
The world we have made as a result of the level of thinking we have done thus far creates problems we cannot solveAlbert Einstein
at the same level of thinking at which we created them.
Internal Monologue Some of our thoughts may go round & round. Replaying things over in our head and thinking about future scenarios, impacts upon the way we are. Our internal dialogue stops us being present, engaging in life. Moving away from our personal doubts, we may want to take responsibility for our own narrative. We may for example have a strong internal judge, or inner critic. Counselling & psychotherapy can help by hearing & unravelling this with you. The therapy may also include looking at the thoughts you induce & discuss with you the importance & significance of them. You may also want to review the time you spend on your thoughts, how you invest your thoughts negatively or constructively on the things you want to develop.
Our Perspective The way we see things is not always the way they are. One way to reduce the emotional impact of thoughts is to have perspective by looking at them, rather than from them. The therapy can help us reflect upon & name our thoughts, e.g. worrying, criticising, judging, planning, remembering, rehearsing, etc. Letting go of our wasteful thoughts may be a challenge for some. Utilising the vastness of our imagination may help others. Counselling & psychotherapy can help us look at different perspectives, exploring our rationality.
A subtle thought that is in error may yet give rise to fruitful enquiry, that can establish truths of great value.Isaac Asimov
Our Assumptions & Interpretations Some of us select people, who share our beliefs, and so confirm our assumptions, which may be unhelpful or inaccurate at times. It can be a learning process at times to be with people who challenge our assumptions when they need to. We may find people difficult simply because they are different to us. We all make assumptions, it can be hard not to. Some of our interpretations may have their origins in childhood. We may want to hold our assumptions lightly, especially those initial ones, which can be the basis of forming false beliefs. Double checking our perspectives can assist. Our assumptions can be based on lack of experience, choosing an easy path. The assumptions we have about people or things are only our beliefs without actually knowing them to be true. Some of us may use our assumptions as facts, supporting our decisions. Being curious & taking time to find out facts, responding in way that give the benefit of the doubt, without thinking the worst, can assist us. We may automatically do things that we believe are right, rather than listening to our self, knowing what we actually want, following our own path. This too can be looked at in the therapy.
Our Perceptions & Attitude Sometimes our perceptions & attitudes can keep us trapped, and when we are willing to shift our perception or attitude, we can experience a freedom which can open up choices for us. An example of this may be inflexibly holding on to an overly pessimistic or optimistic attitude. Our concentration can be helped by the attitudes & interests we have, so we are able to focus on what we need to focus on without distractions or sidetracking through multitasking.
FeeIings Dominating Our Thoughts Our thoughts carry an emotional charge. Our moods affect how we think. Psychotherapy or counselling can help reduce or manage the impact of powerful emotions, like fear, anxiety & anger, so we are able to think more clearly. We may want to consider preparing our mind before we carry out tasks, reflecting on what feelings we want to bring on to situations.
Unconscious Thoughts & Beliefs Often our thoughts, beliefs, expectations, and indeed actions, are not conscious – they lay outside of our awareness. We can be in reaction to these. Counselling & psychotherapy can help us become aware of the sources of these, so our choices & actions become less automatic & more conscious. (See also Role Of The Unconscious)
I've looked at life from both sides nowJoni Mitchell
From win and lose and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all
I've looked at life from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all
All Or Nothing Thinking We may compartmentalise our thoughts & beliefs into neat boxes, which may not always help. Some of us may have developed concrete thinking, a way of thinking in absolutes (especially for those of us, who can be perfectionist - having to do it perfectly or not at all may be a lot to live up to), e.g. all or nothing, always or never, right or wrong, good or bad, either-or, which may limit the way we see & act in the world. We may idealise or devalue the people we meet. We may have black & white thinking. It can be as if things have to be totally one way or the other. Thinking in extremes we may use words like "always", "never". Things have to be this or that. Shades of grey or other colours for us may be a struggle. Accessing our imagination & being curious, may assist us. In relationships too we may struggle with being autonomous yet part of a couple, what is ours, our partners or belongs to us both. To be relaxed with not knowing alongside our ambivalence may be a challenge for us.
Everybody wants to be happy, nobody wants to suffer.Dalai Lama
Life's Contradictions We may believe there is only one way of seeing things, as if there aren't other options. Confusion may reign. Our thoughts at times may push & pull in opposite directions. We may get caught in what seems like "Catch 22" situations. Sometimes, whatever we do to make things better, things may stay the same or get worse. Many of us struggle responding to the changes & contradictions, dilemmas, ambiguities, double binds, paradox, mysteries & unknowns of the world. Sometimes the only one constant in these contradictions is us. Therefore we may also want to utilise the counselling & psychotherapy to be more in touch with the sense of what we are, our own essence & presence without thoughts.
Paying Attention To Detail Some of us can be so busy concentrating on the details of everything, that when we are confused, we can lose our overview or context, as if we "can't see the wood for the trees". We can also over-think, making the small things big, and our head heavy as we analyse everything. Lightening up may be a challenge for us. Avoiding our own painful insights, some of us may try to intellectualise everything. The counselling & psychotherapy can discuss this & any other confusion with you.
Our Focus & Attention As our insights & consciousness expand (our field of awareness), we can choose what to do with this & where to put our attention now. Our focus & attention may ebb & flow throughout the day, affecting our productiveness. This may be connected to our energy levels. Being in touch with our focus & attention can be supported by accessing our motivation and our personal boundaries, so our attention doesn't easily wander, remains focused and we don't have to speak everything that is on our mind. Giving ourself attention (how we are with our self), paying attention to what we need to, choosing to put our attention where we want to may be important to us.
Our Curiosity Some of us may have lost our sense of curiosity somewhere back in childhood. Our curiosity can be seen as life affirming, the fuel for our imagination, creativity, potential & search for meaning. Closely linked to our unconscious & motivation lives our curiosity. Being curious can open us up, allowing us to expand. When we are curious, we discover more about us (and maybe what was previously unconscious) and others. As our curiosity manifests (letting go of anything that restricts us - thoughts, ideas, opinions, beliefs), our consciousness evolves. Counselling & psychotherapy may help foster your curiosity.
Existential Angst Some of our thoughts & beliefs may not only be about the day to day aspects of Iiving, but also include existential dilemmas & beliefs. Psychotherapy can offer a space to express this, if that is your desire.
Choice In What We Are Willing To Forget & What We are Willing To Remember Choosing our response to our thoughts & beliefs can be challenging. Some of us may continuously remember things we no longer need to (e.g. worries or hurts), or forget things that we could remember to support us (e.g. what matters to us).
Our Actions Whilst we can't control all what happens out there in the world, we can control our own actions. Counselling & psychotherapy explores these issues with you.
