Counselling & Psychotherapy

Counselling London Psychotherapy – Thoughts, Beliefs - Counsellor London Psychotherapist
Thoughts & Beliefs

Introduction We are all influenced by the prevailing thinking & the social context of the time in which we are brought up in.

Clarifying Our Thoughts & Beliefs Confused, we may want to revisit how we think & what we believe. We may play out scenarios in our head – fortune telling, or go blank at other times. The psychotherapy & counselling can help discover how we select, clarify & view our thoughts & belief systems (both adverse & positive) in a more objective manner, alongside:

• How aware we are of our judgements of ourseIves & others, and how we feeI about this
• How our thoughts & beliefs may be counterproductive or sabotage the way we are
• What feeIings are OK and what aren't, e.g. envy & jealousy
• What we believe, what we know & what we fear
• Where we are open & where we are closed
• Any unhelpful stories, which run in our head
• Our positive & negative thinking patterns
• How we think & our conclusions
• How we can filter our thoughts
• Other possible perspectives
• Our creativity & imagination
• What we compartmentalise
• Our scepticism & cynicism
• Our inspiration & dreams
• Preconceived notions
• False assumptions
• Our concentration
• Our perceptions
• Our blind spots
• Our selfbeliefs
• Our confusion
• Our attention
• Our flexibility
• Our identity
• Our values
• Our focus

Our Inner World Some of us may struggle with what to do with the thoughts that we form, especially those niggling thoughts, which then multiply. Thoughts may simply juggle around in our head & we may dwell on them in ways which aren't helpful. We may have allowed our thoughts to overwhelm us. Depression for some may result. Some of our thoughts may become a continuous stream as if they go around in a loop, and this can be discussed in the therapy. It can be challenging not to be so caught up in our emotions, detaching ourself a little from these, and any beliefs we have held on to from the past, so we are more able to see things clearly now, as they are, and are freer to resolve situations. We may be busy rationalising, needing to know everything or overanalysing things, finding it hard to switch off, or driven by our obligations. There may be turbulence in our head. Stilling our busy mind may be important for us, as may not always reacting to external stimulus. What we think & believe to be possible, contributes to how we feeI. And because how we think affects our "inner world" and our responses, counselling & psychotherapy can examine the wisdom of holding on to unhelpful, irrational, distorted, fear-based thoughts or beliefs, and ways in which we can create different thoughts & meanings in our Iife. Being content, having a peace of mind, may be important to us. Over-thinking can be our way to avoid feeIing. Being in our head, always trying to work things out, we may have de-valued or neglected our body, our feeIings, sexuality and the heart & soul of who we are – all from our head downwards. Opening up, being present, in the moment, more in our heart & less stuck in our head, so we are less confused, may also be a challenge - listening to our heart, what makes it tick (see also Closing Off, Shutting Down, Bottling Things Up).

Self-beliefs The attributions we have given to us (or have inherited from our family), inform our "internal environment", and our sense of who we are. Many of our beliefs about us & the world originate from our childhood, affect our interactions (e.g. "I should..., therefore...", "I can only be happy if..."). We may for example believe we are unacceptable or unlovable, devaluing who we are now. We all create expectations, disappointments, assumptions, meanings & conclusions(we may for example believe that our childhood was so good, that it is not matched now, or that it was so bad, therefore it always will be). Some of these beliefs, especially the ones we hold as precious, may be restrictive & no longer support us, or define all of who we are now (see also Impact Of Our Past). We may also have other beliefs like "If I have more money, or a better job, I'll be fine", "If I try hard, I will be rewarded", "Things should be perfect", "I'm missing out on things". Counselling & psychotherapy can help us discover how we construct our thoughts, what beliefs we can let go of, any new ones that may be emerging, which fit closer to who we are, so we can view our thoughts more objectively. (See also Finding Our Way Through Difficulties & Old Beliefs)

Fixed Beliefs Some of our thoughts & beliefs can get embedded in us. Counselling and psychotherapy helps to pinpoint what beliefs are fixed, and which ones are fluid & flexible, any redundant beliefs and how your values & principles impact upon your beliefs. We may also believe that we should know everything (see Not Knowing – Our Need To Be In Control). We may deny any value or meaningfulness of life, believing that nothing really matters.

Internal Monologue What we tell ourselves influences our actions & how we are in the world (see also Remembering - Choosing How We Look Around Us Now, How We Look Back & Ahead). Everyone talks to themselves, having conversations - an inner chatter that runs in the background of our mind. Some of our thoughts may go round & round. Our mind may race ahead. Replaying things over in our head and thinking about future scenarios, impacts upon the way we are. For some, working out what may happen, can make us anxious. For others, we may become easily bored once we have imagined the result of things. Unchecked, our internal dialogue stops us being present, engaging in life. Choosing our self-talk in negative ways, eroding our confidence, is one option. Moving away from our personal doubts, we may want to take responsibility for our own narrative, for example "life is mundane" (See Mundaneness below). We may have a strong internal judge, or inner critic. Counselling & psychotherapy can help by hearing & unravelling this with you. The therapy may also include looking at the thoughts you induce & discuss with you the importance & significance of them. You may also want to review the time you spend on your thoughts, how you invest your thoughts negatively or constructively, on the things you want to develop. Another option may be to listen to your internal monologue in respectful ways, giving yourself credit, boosting your self-worth.

Magical Beliefs Most of us have developed magical thinking at times, especially when younger (maybe believing we were wrong, bad, responsible for events outside of our control), as if believing we can entirely influence outcomes (despite evidence to the contrary) - that if we do that - this will happen, when in reality these beliefs may be more like distorted thoughts, superstitions or based on taking in literally & following what we were told. Sometimes we can have irrational fears based on our magical thinking, that we cause things outside of our control to happen. We can also hold magical beliefs way back in childhood, that certain behaviours, gestures or words can change reality. People who influenced us may have made remarks, often in jest or throw away comments (e.g. that we are somehow made responsible for making others feel the way they do). Some things said may have been serious statements which we believed as fact or reality, that we caused events, whereas there may be other influences. The effects of these messages (and the false causation we put onto them) can live on now, instructing, informing our life in restrictive ways. In spite of our maturity, some of us may continue to hold on to some childlike magical thinking, other times we may simply hold hope. An example of our magical thinking can be believing or hoping that if we do something, that something unrelated happens. Recognised hopeful thinking may include: crossing our fingers, touching wood, wearing a certain lucky item of clothing in order to ensure that something else, unrelated happens. Some may turn their magical thinking or bothersome thoughts into obsessiveness or compulsiveness. Others can turn experiences, or what they are told, into universal truths as if there are no exceptions, alternative ways of seeing things. Often our magical beliefs start off with "If only", e.g. "If I only had enough money or find the right man or woman, I would be OK". These magical thoughts or beliefs can be restricting & distract us from fully living how we want to in each moment.

Magical Thinking The mind is a powerful instrument and we can't easily place the rational side of things in one distinct box and the irrational into another. The influence & power of our hopes, aspirations, imagination, cultural background, beliefs, faith (prayer, meditation for some) is enormous. Sometimes coincidences happen as things come together. And at one level everything is connected, which can support our magical thinking. Yet at times we may falsely link causation to suit our personal logic. Cause, effect, habits, taboos, rituals, form most of our lives. Religious & spiritual practices have important & valued rituals too. However, certain rituals, taboos, sacrifices, magical thinking may be based on superstition, scapegoating, fear, manipulation, the absence of love or irrational thinking. Discriminating between the areas of science, religion, spirituality, personal beliefs & experiences, is challenging. Some of us can hold on to what is termed magical thinking - believing there is only one correlation (our own logic or beliefs, or those beliefs we've taken on from others as if they are our own) between our actions influencing the outcome, yet other factors may not have been considered. Many of us were brought up on myths, legends, fairytales, pointing to symbolic meanings, some of them with magical beliefs, which we may have taken literally.

Clarifying Our Thoughts Clarifying our thoughts, discriminating them, may be important for us, and this can be explored in counselling & psychotherapy.

Our Perspective The way we see things is not always the way they are. One way to reduce the emotional impact of thoughts is to have perspective by looking at them, rather than from them. The therapy can help us reflect upon & name our thoughts, e.g. worrying, criticising, judging, planning, remembering, rehearsing, etc. Letting go of our wasteful thoughts may be a challenge for some. Utilising the vastness of our imagination may help others. Counselling & psychotherapy can help us look at different perspectives, exploring our rationality.

Truth & Knowing Things Some of us can know things through books, TV, internet, etc., through an intellectual way, being in our head. We may also want to trust our own experience, utilising all our senses. These ways of experiencing knowledge & truth may be the same or different, and this can be explored in counselling & psychotherapy.

Our Assumptions & Interpretations Some of us select people, who share our beliefs, and so confirm our assumptions, which may be unhelpful or inaccurate at times. It can be a learning process at times to be with people who challenge our assumptions when they need to. We may find people difficult simply because they are different to us. We all make assumptions, it can be hard not to. Some of our interpretations may have their origins in childhood. We may want to hold our assumptions lightly, especially those initial ones, which can be the basis of forming false beliefs. Double checking our perspectives can assist. Our assumptions can be based on lack of experience, choosing an easy path. The assumptions we have about people or things are only our beliefs without actually knowing them to be true. Some of us may use our assumptions as facts, supporting our decisions. Being curious & taking time to find out facts, responding in way that give the benefit of the doubt, without thinking the worst, can assist us. We may automatically do things that we believe are right, rather than listening to our self, knowing what we actually want, following our own path. This too can be looked at in the therapy. (See also Remembering - Choosing How We Look Around Us Now, How We Look Back & Ahead)

Mundaneness The mundaneness of life can't always be avoided. We all have routines, a level of ordinariness, when nothing special happens and things can be predictable. Yet some of us believe that life has to be mundane (see Internal Monologue above), as if there is no other choice. Some of us may mistake mundaneness for boredom. We may feel disappointed, stuck (maybe blocked, unexpressed feelings), sometimes depressed, living life on automatic as if there is no other way out, that we have no free will. Our vitality may have diminished and we may have lost touch with who we are. We may have abanodoned ourself or be lonely, empty inside. The mundaneness we experience in life may also have an existential element or point us to seeking deeper meaning (see Living To Our Full Potential). The mundaneness that we experience may point to something inside of us seeking change.

FeeIings Dominating Our Thoughts Our thoughts carry an emotional charge. How we think affects our moods and our moods affect how we think. Psychotherapy or counselling can help reduce or manage the impact of powerful emotions, like fear, anxiety & anger, so we are able to think more clearly. We may want to consider preparing our mind before we carry out tasks, reflecting on what feelings we want to bring on to situations. (See also Self-Awareness, Observation & Reflection)

Unconscious Thoughts & Beliefs Often our thoughts, beliefs, expectations, and indeed actions, are not conscious – they lay outside of our awareness. We can be in reaction to these. Counselling & psychotherapy can help us become aware of the sources of these, so our choices & actions become less automatic & more conscious. (See also Role Of The Unconscious)

All Or Nothing Thinking We may compartmentalise our thoughts & beliefs into neat boxes, which may not always help. Some of us may have developed concrete thinking, a way of thinking in absolutes (especially for those of us, who can be perfectionist - having to do it perfectly or not at all may be a lot to live up to), e.g. all or nothing, always or never, success or failure, right or wrong, good or bad, either-or, which may limit the way we see & act in the world. We may idealise or devalue the people we meet. We may have black & white thinking. It can be as if things have to be totally one way or the other. Thinking in extremes we may use words like "always", "never". Things have to be this or that. Shades of grey or other colours for us may be a struggle. Accessing our imagination & being curious, may assist us. In relationships too we may struggle with being autonomous yet part of a couple, what is ours, our partners or belongs to us both. To be relaxed with not knowing alongside our ambivalence may be a challenge for us.

Compartmentalising Things Compartmentalising things - putting things in boxes, can sometimes help, so we can get on and do other things, or not become too preoccupied. Disconnected, we may struggle to integrate all aspects of our life. We may also compartmentalise things that are too hard to look at, in order not to feel or because we struggle to integrate all our feelings. Some of us may live our whole life compartmentalising things, as if everything is separate, not interrelated. This may include separating out our body, feelings, mind, sexuality or our spirituality, as if these aspects of us are unrelated. Counselling & psychotherapy can explore this with you & supports you in this integration including our unconscious aspects.

Life's Contradictions We may believe there is only one way of seeing things, as if there aren't other options. Confusion may reign. Our thoughts at times may push & pull in opposite directions. We may get caught in what seems like "Catch 22" situations. Sometimes, whatever we do to make things better, things may stay the same or get worse. Many of us struggle responding to the changes & contradictions, dilemmas, ambiguities, double binds, paradox, mysteries, unknowns & uncertainties of the world. Sometimes the only one constant in these contradictions is us. Therefore we may also want to utilise the counselling & psychotherapy to be more in touch with the sense of what we are, our own essence & presence without thoughts consistently in the foreground..

Our Perceptions & Attitude When things seem complicated, we can choose to simplify them by clearing away our unnecessary attitudes, associated memories, which colour our current perception. Seeing clearly through situations & people, focusing on what matters, finding out what solutions are best, can make it easier on us. Sometimes our perceptions & attitudes can keep us trapped, maybe with a lot of doubt, and when we are willing to shift our perception or attitude, we can experience a freedom which can open up choices for us. An example of this may be inflexibly holding on to an overly pessimistic or optimistic attitude. As we are in the world, so we affect the world. Our concentration can also be helped by the attitudes & interests we have, so we are able to focus on what we need to focus on without distractions, overanalysing things or sidetracking through multitasking (see also Our Focus, Attention, Concentration below).

Overthinking, Paying Attention To Detail Some of us can be so busy concentrating on the details of everything, that when we are confused, we can lose our overview or context, as if we "can't see the wood for the trees". Paying attention to detail can be helpful at times, yet we may struggle to let go of this when we need to, which may point to our perfectionism. We can also over-think, making the small things big, and our head heavy as we analyse everything. We may struggle to keep things simple, be light-hearted. Lightening up may be a challenge for us. We can tie ourselves (or end up tying others) into knots. Avoiding our own painful insights, some of us may try to intellectualise everything. The counselling & psychotherapy can discuss this & any other confusion with you.

Our Focus, Attention, Concentration As our insights & consciousness expand (our field of awareness - that we are more conscious we are conscious), we can choose what to do with this & where to put our focused attention now, so we are not caught somewhere between our past, present & future. Narrowing down our attention & focusing on what's important to us gives us the capacity to be more engaged in what we are doing. Our focus & attention may ebb & flow throughout the day, affecting our productiveness. This could also be connected to our energy levels or values. Mobilising our resources, being in touch with our focus & attention can be supported by accessing our motivation and our personal boundaries, so our attention doesn't easily wander, remains focused. Giving ourself attention (how we are with our self), paying attention to what we need to (including being in touch with our physical feelings), choosing to put our attention where we want to (so we don't have to speak everything that is on our mind or be a slave to our thoughts) may be important to us. It may also be a challenge to pay attention to what we do with our time & focusing our attention where we need to. And when our attention wanes or we become distracted, it can be a challenge to refocus again. When our focus is more focused we can become more productive, efficient, do things easier and our attention can seem effortless. Building up our endurance, so our focus & attention lasts, may be a further challenge. We may also have a problem concentrating on the task at hand. For some it can help to imagine completing the task at hand in order to boost the possibility of completing what we need to complete. For others concentrating on the end result can become overwhelming, rather than staying with the task in hand.

Confusion Some of us may be confused, because we have so many options, too much information and need to sharpen our focus, just as a photographer decides what & where to readjust or focus their lens on, what really matters, discounting what doesn't. We may remain confused, overwhelmed by the overall picture and all its details, unless we select to put the spotlight of our focus on one particular subject or thing. We may also be confused because we feel lost, stuck, seeking direction.

Distractions Changing our old habits of unhelpfully distracting ourself may be challenging. Some of us can get pulled to distraction - any distraction, thinking about anything other that where we need to concentrate our attention. Our mind may raise a head, making lots of connections, taking us off track. Ignoring the call to distraction inside our head, bringing our focus & attention back to what really matters & what we value, seeing things through may be important. Others may turn their focus & attention onto all sorts of external distractions or stimulus. A challenge for some may be to focus, despite any distractions around us, so we don't procrastinate. Our internal boundaries can support us.

Our Curiosity Being exploratory, curious, inquisitive, interested, allows us to grow, and when fearful, our curiosity can diminish. The potential for any surprise, even wonder, may also diminish. Some of us may have lost our sense of curiosity somewhere back in childhood. Our curiosity can be seen as life affirming, the fuel for our imagination, creativity, potential & search for meaning. Closely linked to our unconscious & motivation lives our curiosity. Being curious & inquisitive can open us up, allowing us to expand. It can also allow our own unorthodox thoughts, personal to us, to emerge. When we are curious, we discover more about us (and maybe what was previously unconscious) and others. As our curiosity manifests (letting go of anything that restricts us - thoughts, ideas, opinions, beliefs, expectations), our consciousness evolves. Counselling & psychotherapy may help foster your curiosity, where it may be taking you.

Our Ideas - Responding To What & How We Think Being curious, having ideas, can stimulate us, yet if not made them into form, put into action, we may become frustrated (see also Accessing Motivation, Acting From Our Personal Will).

Existential Angst Some of our thoughts & beliefs may not only be about the day to day aspects of Iiving, but also include existential dilemmas & beliefs. Psychotherapy can offer a space to express this, if that is your desire.

Choice In What We Are Willing To Forget & What We are Willing To Remember Choosing our response to our thoughts & beliefs can be challenging. Some of us may continuously remember things we no longer need to (e.g. worries or hurts), or forget things that we could remember to support us (e.g. what matters to us). (See also Remembering - Choosing How We Look Around Us Now, How We Look Back & Ahead)

Our Actions Whilst we can't control all what happens out there in the world, we can control our own actions. As we create our thoughts so too can we guide & steer them to where we want. Controlling our thoughts, so they don't control us, may be our challenge. Counselling & psychotherapy explores these issues with you.