Counselling & Psychotherapy

Sexual Counselling London Psychotherapy – Erectile Dysfunction, Sex Problems, Sexual Dysfunction – Counsellor London Psychotherapist
Sexual Problems

Sex Problems Sexual attraction, relaxation or fulfilling sex may be a concern. The physical response to our underlying feelings, including those about our relationship, can have an impact on our sexual expression & our anxiety or fears around sex - fear of having sex, so we tense up in our body, may prevent us relaxing, letting others in, letting go of the physical tensions in our body. We may be in touch with our desire, with a prospect of arousal or sexual pleasure, yet may struggle to be open, loving, intimate & engaging with our partner, without closing down or sexually withholding as if sex is something separate & apart from us. Sexually frustrated, we may want to reignite or improve our sex Iife. Men & women may seek a sexual counselling & psychotherapy for numerous reasons.

A Healthy Sex Life supports our physical, mental, emotional & spiritual wellbeing. It can soothe our anxiety, stress & depression. For many it is an ultimate communication, expression of love & companionship, enabling us to give & receive pleasure. We may have sex for a combination of reasons: to be in touch with our desire, attraction, to express love, show our passion for each other, to have children, for excitement, pleasure, playfulness & fun, to meet our need for intimacy, to communicate & feel connected with our partner at a deep level. Sex can also bring us relief & release. We can also feel wanted, less alone, powerful & potent - a warm glow. Sex & making love can be our way of sharing, feeling close, more connected, most intimate & loved. Some report that the powerful experience of Love, a connection with their sexual experiences puts them in touch with a spiritual connection.

Expectations, Attitudes, Beliefs & Thoughts We may have expectations, which get in the way of simply being intimate with others. Confident in some areas we may feel understandably vulnerable, shy or ashamed around sex. We may also have thoughts, which we find hard to filter. We may have negative attitude towards sex or a fear of sex, love making, which can be known as erotophobia. When we think about sex, we can get put off, which prohibits our sexual expression. Some of us may feel guilty for having sex. We may be convinced that we or they are so extremely attractive, that due to our perceived mismatch it renders it difficult for us to be sexually intimate. We may believe that we are not lovable as we are, or that we only matter when we are sexual. We may have issues around our sexual boundaries, which keep us safe yet may be overly loose or rigid. All these thoughts, beliefs, needs can bring up a lot of feelings, some of them running very deep, affecting our sex life.

Underlying Considerations We or our partner may have a low libido, high libido (low sex drive or high sex drive). How to respond & compromise, "meet somewhere in the middle", if one of us feels more sexual that the other may be a challenge. It is natural that couples can grow sexually apart after time together. Some of us may struggle to desire our partner, once the newness, excitement & unpredictability erodes. Some of us may feel bored or like an object, we may have sex purely as a duty. One of us may repress or ignore our sexuality. When our partner initiates sex, we may retreat. It may also be a challenge for us to initiate sex or respond to any sexual rejection. We may struggle to let others in, relax, fully let go, as if we are observing, looking in the sexual experience from a distance rather than being in it. Even when we are being sexual, some of us may feel alone or lonely. Being more connected to our body - what you are experiencing, may also be a challenge. How welcoming & appreciative we are may also be explored, alongside our willingness to make an effort together. Making special time for fulfilling sex, may also be important, as can strengthening the bonds between partners. How we give & receive, express our sexual needs, desires & preferences without withholding may be important to us, as may exploring new or exciting ways of being intimate. Bringing romance back, adding some old or new spice, being adventurous or daring, or willing to try new things may be important. (See also Relationship Counselling & Marriage Counselling)

Psychological Influences Men may experience impotence, premature ejaculation or rapid ejaculation, erection difficulties. Some men may have a level of psychological impotence, related to performance anxiety, stress or being insecure in their relationship. Women may find it difficult to have an orgasm or experience painful intercourse. Painful penetration may be a problem. Often, there is a mind-body loop, each affecting each other. Once medical conditions have been ruled out, counselling can help us to explore possible psychological influences, beyond genital function, like our self-image, current relationships & cooperation, how we sexually respond to our partner, communication, including trust & intimacy, affectionate sexual contact, the pace of things, being sexy & a considerate lover, sexual myths, unwanted habits & addictions (like internet pornography, alcohol, etc.) and a range of other considerations, specific to what's going for you. (See also Underlying Considerations above)