Counselling & Psychotherapy

Counselling London Psychotherapy – Central London Counselling Services - Counsellor London Camden Psychotherapist
Living To Our Full Potential

The Future How we see the future, also based on the decisions we make, may not only affect our present, but also how we live our future. The therapy can explore this with you.

Transforming Our Life By clarifying more of who we are now and understanding the impact of our past, we may want to transform our lives with new direction & search for a deeper meaning (understanding). We may want to create a Iife of our own choosing taking responsibility for our own future. Questioning our own fragile, earthly existence, we may also have a need to belong or connect to others - our interconnectedness, the wider society & a world which is more than our personal world.

Life Transition & Existential Concerns Fear of dying, and indeed fear of living can lead us to an existential search. Some of us may have a sense of alienation, loss, grief, pain or deep sorrow for us & the wider world - our existential angst. We may even experience disappointment, frustration or anger. Some people call this a midlife crisis, experienced like a lamenting, as if our soul is wailing. Often as we get older, these reflective concerns become more important as what really matters to us evolves. In counselling & psychotherapy we may want to examine how we belong in the world (see also Aloneness, Loneliness, Alienation). These less tangible transitional challenges may point us to seeking different personal values or meanings or a sense that everything is connected and comes together as one.

Longing & Yearning Feeling empty or lonely inside, as if something is missing, we may also be confused or stuck without tangible causes. At any stage of our Iives we may get a sense that "the old show is over", and we can't get it back - a letting go process, so discovering & creating a new way of living may be a desire for some. Through the ongoing process of maturing or ageing, many of our problems may also be about our longing - yearning for a deeper connection with us, others, the world & for some the sublime (see also FeeIing Spiritual, Choosing A Spiritual Path below). Our longing or yearning may also be about searching for perfection, something that is ideal, yet humanly impossible. (See also Existential Concerns)

Self-Growth Like healthy plants we need the right nourishment to flourish & grow, so our emotional & physical needs are met or are in balance. Nourishment for us human beings, includes a need for personal meaning, faith, hope, remembering what's important to us. Like nature, which rejuvenates itself, so too may we need our own act of faith, that our own life continues, transforms. Some people may want to explore having faith in that distant or still voice inside of themselves - one that they've known all along, yet found it hard to trust. Beyond our need for survival - to no longer just get by in the world, may also lead us to questioning life's meaning. For some people, this curiosity may move towards a spiritual search or connections, for others not.

Our Own Path Some of us may forever worry how we should be. We may constantly seek or need approval, validation & reassurances from others. Others may struggle to have faith in themselves, slavishly following public opinion or what is only sanctioned by external authorities - media, government, politicians, religious leaders (even our partner), etc. Counselling & psychotherapy can support you in being in touch with your own voice - maybe distant at first, your own "inner" authority, free will & values (see Self-Chosen Values below). We may realise that rich meaning cannot be gained from what others tell us or impose upon us, nor by simply entertaining ourseIf. We may have often followed a path which is not really our own - one that others have set for us, depriving us of our own meaning, true to us, especially when we are in charge of our own agency - doing things & making them happen. Our own truth & what really matters may become more important to us than how we appear to others. In our own inner authority, we may want to be free to trust & responsibly Iive from our own, chosen ways rather than blindly follow others' rules. Counselling & psychotherapy supports you in developing your own moral authority, standing in your own ground, in relationship with others and the wider world. (See also Our Responsibility)

Self-Chosen Values A task for some at this stage of therapy may be about moving away from goal orientated, "completed" values as if they are achievements, towards personally chosen values, which can transform us in meaningful ways (see also Our Free Will). These values are unachievable, perpetually generated, evolving & active, experienced moment by moment - reflecting what we really want. For some, a challenge may be to intentionally choose our own values (and not simply following values from others) with compassion for us and the world, so they can guide, clarify, dignify us, directing our own journey. These values can support & evoke Will, bringing about change & creating consciousness. Many of us experience that it is this consciousness, and not external forces, that points us towards our own life purpose and it is our will (volition) that supports our commitment to this purpose. Getting in touch with our purpose may mean a very short term purpose, a small, practical action we can do straight away. Some may be seeking a more medium-term purpose, e.g. their career or relationship. Others may be seeking a life purpose - something higher than they are currently living and reasons why they are here. Doing what we love doing and are uniquely willing to bring, give & share with others, aligning our actions with our purpose on a daily basis, may be important to us. Stepping outside of our comfort zone, what's familiar, may be a further challenge. Connecting to our purpose may be challenging for some, remembering it - for others.

Our Own Internal Resources We need a range of internal resources to make sense (meaning) of Iife's encounters (for details see Life Re-Appraisal - Our Internal Resources).

Self-Awareness, Observation & Reflection We may want to have a healthy balance between being able to observe, reflect and act in the world, so we are not just ruminating & thinking, but participating in life, interacting with others. Some people use counselling & psychotherapy to reflect upon themselves & the world, so they can know, manage & direct themselves more, not just cognitively, but also with their sense of intuition & inner wisdom. Witnessing our emotions, thoughts, beliefs, drives, behaviours & actions, somatic reactions, etc. like a scientist would, rather than reacting to them, may be important for some. We are all affected by experiences, feelings, thoughts, some of which can have the potential to overwhelm us, as if they are bigger than us. Being with our feelings & thoughts, rather than being in our feelings & thoughts, as if there is no separation, can be a challenge. If we are happy with the way we see things, we may want to experiment with alternative approaches to thinking differently - affecting how we feel, changing our behaviour in order to influence a different outcome, especially if we are prone to sabotaging things. Relinquishing what we no longer want to hold on to may be important for us. Becoming more aware of the power of who we are, may also be challenging for us in how we are personally responsible & accountable in the world. Some may want to feel more intimate with others, balanced physically, mentally, emotionally & spiritually. Others may want to bring out their uniqueness as an individual, and at the same time their similarities with others. Counselling & psychotherapy can also be a vehicle to explore being more "in the moment" rather than at the hands of fate or stuck in old familiar ways. As we develop a deeper sense of who we are, able to observe, we may be in touch with consciousness & personal identity issues. Being grounded with healthy personal boundaries can support us.

Suffering & Love Some of us may experience a sense of soullessness. Both suffering & love are in us all, part of the human condition, and how each of us Iive with this is something I include in the counselling & psychotherapy. Our suffering can include how we mourn our losses or aloneness in the world, how we respond to the hole in our soul, and our love may include how we love others & ourseIf, opening our heart. In nature there is much uncertainty & chaos, and we humans often try to avoid this natural process. For many of us, the awfulness & awe of the world can at times be overwhelming (see also Our Resilience, Hardiness & Protecting Our Personal Boundaries). Being in touch with our own humour can for some lighten the load of any suffering we carry. Some of us may also want to avoid Iife's inevitable sufferings, loneliness, or wait for love, as if it will come to us. Yet love is also a verb – the action of being loving to ourself & others, holding love, expressing love. Through suffering & managing our frustration, we can sometimes be in a place where it is OK not to know all the world's mysteries. The space for our creativity emerges. Therefore, the psychotherapy may involve a frustrating yet creative process of guiding you through life's suffering: confusions, chaos, darkness, uncertainty, limitations, apparent contradictions, paradoxes, the unknown and mystery. Through this "suffering of the soul" - our aloneness & connectedness, new values & meaning may emerge. We may want to re-think the values on which our Iiving is based (see Self-Chosen Values above). We may have a strong sense of inter-connectedness acknowledging the universality of sadness, suffering & love. We may want to address existential issues or have such questions as: "How do I survive suffering and limitations in the world?" or "How do I express love?" Some of us may want to use the therapy to be in touch with the universality of Love & compassion beyond personal relationships, be willing to give & receive Love in its human & divine forms may be a need for some (see also FeeIing Spiritual, Choosing A Spiritual Path below).

Living Life To Its Full Promise A challenge may be to Iive to our full promise & potential, for love, expanding mind & imagination, creativity & spiritual growth, which means different things to different people. For some this may simply mean, letting go, taking responsibility for themselves, their values, and other people. Some may want to connect to a deep compassion for the world. For others spiritual search & growth may mean connection with energy larger than the personal, a spiritual connection with nature, the universe. What this energy, higher consciousness or spiritual consciousness means, is for each individual to interpret. The NHS take into account the place of spirituality as an integral & important part of a person's health and the Mental Health Foundation have published a paper "Inspiring Hope: Recognising the importance of spirituality in a whole person approach to mental health"; many schools of psychotherapy also acknowledge the psychological relevance of spiritual experiences & religious events.

Being & Doing We can be so busy or successful, endlessly "doing" - we forget our own qualities of simply "being" in our own ground, neglecting our very existence, our real self, and need to connect & belong. Yet a point comes in our life when we realise "I have to be myself", my "I-am-ness". We can make space for our "being", taking us away from day to day anxiety & letting go of our redundant "defences" by relaxing, immersing us in often simple, mundane, repetitious, pleasurable or nurturing tasks. We can be connected & find ourseIf in activities such as washing dishes or the car, ironing, gardening, cleaning, DIY, knitting, cooking, playing at anything, sports, interests, passions, art, literature, music, being out in nature, being with animals, socialising, playing, taking a holiday, walking, being on top of a mountain, by a pond, making love, meditation, praying, reflecting or simply stopping and doing nothing. Silence can for some be anxiety provoking, and for others a place they are closest to themselves, the world & beyond. In many of these experiences we can have a sense (space) of timelessness & wellbeing. What worries or preoccupies us can be forgotten or seen with a different perspective. We may seek the freedom to be how we want to be in our own ways. However we are not a closed system out of relationship with others. Not only being self-focused, also being with others "in the moment" helps us discover our own being, as can giving, surrendering or dedicating our self to other people or a greater good. These experiences may actualise us, evoking our own existential dilemmas.

Being In Touch With Our Passions Making time to discover & identify what inspires & invigorates us may be important, so we can live our life with passion, supporting our focus & direction in doing things we love, helping us through difficult times. Being in touch with our passions can not only inspire us, but also enable us to have a greater enthusiasm for life as a whole.

Seeking Deeper Meaning Some of us may try to make sense of things by understanding connections between events & our experience, our perception - the way we uniquely understand things. What we do with our life may also determine the meanings we make. Some people's curiosity, or current circumstances, may lead them to seeking a deeper connection to themselves and the world. As we selfreflect, we may then see all in a larger than material context, searching for deeper meaning in various ways. Our quest for personal meaning may also point us towards our values (see Self-Chosen Values above). As our consciousness awakens & evolves, we may become aware of a collective consciousness, which is beyond the personal. We may have a sense of universal consciousness, which may include a spiritual awakening (Selfrealisation), leading to a spiritual enquiry or deepening, for some, and not for others (see also FeeIing Spiritual, Choosing A Spiritual Path below). Either way as we let go, free of identifications & attachments, and often in silence, we may want to listen & respond to that voice of SeIf, from our heart, which we may experience as small & awkward at first.

Connecting To Our Own Inner Direction We may feel lost inside. When we are connected to our authentic sense of who we are and what we are doing - committed to something really worthwhile (our inner direction), our will (motivational forces) can be very powerful. When we act from our innermost place, we have the potential to be more creative. Our curiosity, ideas, imagination & aspirations can support us. Liberated from our past, free of our old defences and free from anxiety about the future, we are able to let go of things, be present, "in the moment". Windows of opportunity seem to occur more. Some people experience how providence, destiny, inspirational guidance & insight seem to play more of a role in their Iives, as if our Iife is co-created. What all this might mean to us, inside the depths of our own psyche, how we might Iive our Iife's journey creatively & what we dedicate our Iives to, may present new challenges. Not only our own destiny, but how to influence each other & humanity's destiny in small, simple or powerful ways, may also be a need for some.

Creativity Blocks The very blocks that stop us being creative also have the potential to be creative forces, if we choose this challenge. We may have stopped being exploratory, inquisitive, yet when we are in touch with our curiosity, it can support our creativity through difficult times. And in these difficult times (e.g. depression, frustration, anger) we still have the potential to be creative. Some of us may be waiting for our creativity to arrive (maybe expecting a spark of inspiration), yet it never seems to. We may want to be more in touch with our creativity - what inspires us, yet our thinking may have become concrete, less imaginative. Struggling to collaborate alongside others, which can be another source of creativity, we may have become disappointed or cynical, closing off our heart. We may have become overly competitive, a perfectionist, over-demanding or fear failure. We may have become selfcritical, judgemental or stuck in our self-doubt. We may be stuck in doing or thinking in familiar ways, struggling to adapt, change or let go. What we do with our procrastination has the potential to be passive or creative. We may struggle to get in there, trying new things & seeing what happens. We may view uncertainty, ambivalence & not knowing purely as a curse, rather than also a means of expressing creativity.

Our Creative Imagination, Creativity We all have the potential to be creative, generating ideas. When we do, it can bring us vitality and we can feel this momentum directly as if we are "in the zone". And when we are in touch with our vitality, we can be more creative. We may be filtering ways in which our "creative juices" can flow. We may be in touch with our creative imagination & creativity in some aspects yet struggle in others. We may have lost touch with what used to inspire us, and remembering what does inspire us can support us when we want to be creative. How we inspire our self may be a challenge, and often as we are inspired, so too are we able to inspire others. Being in touch with all our senses (open up to our under-used ones), what's around us, what moves, inspires us now, e.g certain people, art, film, music, sport, meditation, personal interests, passions, etc. may enable us to be in touch with our creativity (see also Being & Doing above). Tapping in to the curiosity, fun, creativity & imagination we once had when younger, freer & innocent, including any childhood wounds, alongside the creativity that occupies our unconscious, can also be a resource. Being in the company of children, or other inspiring people, for some may be a great source of inspiration & creativity. Anything different to what we do normally or routinely can affect our creativity. What we find funny or amusing may also be a platform for our creativity. Often changing our environment to a new, refreshing or informal one, may help access our creativity. Making the time to plan, prepare & think constructively may be part of our creative process. Counselling & psychotherapy can help explore different ways of being creative & what sparks our ideas - ones that suit you, and how we bring them into form. When our creativity flows, some people report a deeper connection to the world, heightened awareness of spirituality. This too can be explored in the therapy.

Our Conscience & Integrity Sometimes we may ignore our conscience or drown it out, struggling to listen to it. Other times we know in our heart of hearts we've done the "wrong thing" and gone against our conscience. It can be as if we are out of alignment with our own truth, and when we listen to our conscience as our own moral compass, it can nudge us back, so we can re-orientate ourselves, being in our own moral authority, accountable with our best intentions, in touch with our own integrity. Being faithful to our moral conscience, keeping our word, standing up for what we believe forms our integrity. Through questioning what really matters to us, what is our own truth & "right" thing to do, we may gain a stronger sense of our core essence - our deepest qualities, what we are born for & with, the heart & soul of who we are, greater than the sum of our parts (an integrated harmonic sense of wholeness). This sense of seIf, with our insights, sense of worth & acceptance gives us greater freedom to create our own opportunities. Some may want to listen & place trust into the essence of their own inner voice. Rather than imagine what others expect of us, or what we think we "should" be doing, we may purposefully choose our own values, guided by our own conscience. Exercising our free will may be a desire for others, so we can fully express who we are in our actions.

In Tune With Us & The Wider World Being involved with others and part of something beyond us can be fulfilling & challenging at times. How we responsibly participate in the world may be a further challenge, as we are in touch with not just us but the wider world, beyond our own interest & environment. Some may want to Iive their own personal vision - in service of themselves (our personal will). However, we are not in a vacuum and it can become clear (sometimes through the responses of others or being in touch with our own shame) that our personal vision is not enough, as we consider morality & the effect on others. Our conscience can support us (see Our Conscience & Integrity above). A dilemma may be how to be in harmony with us, and with world beyond us, in service of community, for the highest good - the calling (universal Will). Experiencing disharmony, may point to a need to align ourseIf with the wider world (personal & universal will).

Opening Our Heart To Our Own Ethics Further challenges may be how to fully express the Will in our actions with our heart open, develop our ethical stance in the world as we choose our direction in the world.

FeeIing Spiritual, Choosing A Spiritual Path Some may not have any desire to pursue a spiritual path, "repress the sublime", be shy about spirituality, others may choose to embrace this aspect of their Iife. For some people, as they relinquish their resistances, or are in touch with their life force or creativity, they may want to embark upon a spiritual search, wanting to be more in touch with this life force within us. Letting go & forgiveness may for some also lead to being in touch with a sense of a spiritual essence - whatever this means for us, and the need to be in a more "soulful" way out in the world. Whether we are inside our soul, or our soul rests within us, may be something we ponder upon. Some people may be drawn to art or the meaning of things, as a way of expressing or being in touch with their sense of the spiritual. With open hearted compassion, some people may want to undertake a sacred quest of becoming a moral human being, and experience a shift from their mind to their heart, being in touch with a love for others & the divine, whatever this means for us. The value of our dreams, imagination, metaphor through stories & poetry, music & dance can assist our journey towards spiritual awakening. Some people sense a consciousness beyond themselves, and this may lead to a spiritual search. Some people report how their perceptions get heightened, their experience of time & space alters, the quality of what they see, smell, touch, hear, taste & feel, alongside their dreams. Spiritually awake, you may be seeking a deeper connection to your own spiritual path, innate capacities & ideals - your full worth. How your spiritual journey manifests, its development & integrity, is your own responsibility, and belongs to you as your own individual exploration. If "repressing the sublime" is no longer your choice, the therapy may guide you in gaining access to your deepest aspirations yet take a value-neutral stance, not directing you to any particular religious or spiritual belief. Pursuing spiritual enlightenment, with the ability to selfreflect, maintain humility & transparency may be a challenge for some. Remaining grounded, involved in the fabric of everyday Iiving, practical tasks & relating with others may be important for others.

Spiritual Principles & Connection To Religious Faith Some people may be challenged by how they take personal responsibility for their spiritual life, in how they can be flexible, cooperative, open hearted & not simply follow orders. Some may want to be connected to their own spiritual principles, which may, or may not be part of their religion or connection to a higher power. Living a religious life we may deeply value our religion, honouring its important place for us in the world. Others may become very righteous about their own religion or sense of the spiritual, struggling to tolerate other people's religion or those with no religious convictions or spiritual beliefs (see also Religious Activities - Obsession With Religion, Religious Addiction).

Summary I see the psychotherapy process as a success when not only what we are going through is resolved or accepted, but when we are able to shape our destiny and utilise our full potential in relationship with others & the wider world.